Page 50 of Forget Me Knot

How do I feel?

A flurry of emotions fills my chest. Swarming bees of anger. Excitement. Frustration. Attraction. Sadness. And the one I’m most afraid of… hope.

“I’m…” I growl low under my breath and shove away from the counter.

“Are you angry, Jack?” she asks with so much vulnerability I can’t help but reach out to touch her. I run my hands from her fingers up her arms until they settle at the base of her neck, tilting her face to meet mine.

“Of course I’m not mad at you, Polly. And I’m not even angry about the kiss.” I exhale and close my eyes, allowing myself to acknowledge and grieve something I can’t change. “I’m… I hate that I don’t get the memory of it. Of our first kiss… He does.”

She runs her fingers gently over my lips, and it kills me that I don’t know if she’s thinking about the kiss we just shared or the one before.

“I don’t like not knowing…” I trail off, my thoughts feel like too much and my brain feels suddenly clouded by exhaustion or something else. Maybe a lingering hangover from the migraine, or maybe it's the way I don’t feel in control of anything where Dinah is concerned.

“What is it, Jack?”

“You want him.”

“I wantyou, Jack. Just you and me, remember?”

“I know… I heard what you said the other night… about us both, but—” The admission feels like I shook a bottle of soda and spun the top off. Nothing will stay inside now. “My parents. My siblings. My friends. The stupid cat… Everyone prefers Jackson. They won’t say it, but he’s the J. Jones they remember, ya know? I’m the infiltrator. I’m the new guy no one asked for. The one who doesn’t care as much about baseball or making people happy or showing up to weekly lunch. I’ve already thrown their expectations out the window. This version of me… this J. Jones isn’t the better one.”

“Don’t say that, Jack. I like who you are.”

“You didn’t know Jackson before the accident, Dinah. It’s so freeing and also the biggest burden to bear, because sometimes I find myself hoping you see me more than you see him. Maybe it makes me selfish or childish or just a complete jerk, but I don’t know if I can bear for you to prefer him, too. It… It feels like I’ve already lost so much.”

She covers my hands with hers but then pulls me into a tight hug. Her head rests against my chest, and I know without a doubt, I don’t want to lose whatever is happening between us right now. I could make a home and a life just waiting to be held like I am right now, by this woman.

“It’s messy,” she says and tightens her arms around my waist, turning her face up to look at mine. “You and me. Things aren’t always gonna be easy, ya know? Like makin’ dough. It’s messyand a little difficult to work with, but I honestly think if we try, Jack… the end result could be really delicious.”

A chuckle escapes my lips, and I feel her answering smile hit me in the solar plexus, just above where her chin rests on my chest. “Delicious, huh?”

Stepping on tiptoes, she inches her lips closer to mine. “Tasty?”

I drop a kiss on her forehead and she pouts.

“A real treat,” she tries again and earns a kiss on each cheek.

“Mouth watering?”

I kiss the tip of her pert nose then linger by her lips. “How ‘bout we settle withsweet.”

When I connect my lips to hers, it’s less rushed than before. Taking my time and savoring this moment—this memory—because the only thing on my mind is showing Dinah just how sweet I think she really is.

She steps back, breathless, but keeps her hands locked around my waist, waiting for me again. Giving me the space she knows I need.

When the noise in my head momentarily dissipates, I nod and agree. Wanting nothing more than to make a mess with this woman. “I want to try.”

17

BLOOM

THE PAPER KITES

DINAH

“You have got to be kidding me.” Jack brushes his hair back with both those giant hands of his, resting his head on the couch and looking to the heavens. He’s so irritated with me. All grumbly and faux chafed. I love it.

So, naturally, I push harder.

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