Page 39 of Forget Me Knot

“He… Well, Jack… hasn’t come to lunch with us. Not one time. We’ve had lunch every Monday for years, but since theaccident, Jack hasn’t come. But with you Dinah…” She takes my hands in hers and squeezes them. I don’t miss the way her eyes mist. “With you, he’s different. He’s… well, he’s here. And I can’t help but pray you’ll stick around, because Dinah, I’ve missed my boy.”

I’m speechless as I say goodbye to the others, lost in a haze of Shelly’s expectations. Of what Winnie said—he’ll never move on—and of Jack’s silence as I drive us back to our neighboring lofts. When he takes Chipper in his arms and won’t make eye contact with me, I feel as though I’ve lost the momentum we gained earlier in the day. He’s shutting down, and I don’t know how to bring him back.

“He looks happy,” I say, giving Chipper a rub between the ears, trying to hold Jack there on the street a bit longer. “He had a good day.”

“I can’t keep him, Dinah Belle,” Jack whispers. “It isn’t fair to him.”

“Maybe… maybe he likes you… Both of you. Maybe you should give it a chance.” I let myself look at Jack’s hazel eyes, growing stormier by the second. Neither of us is talking about the cat anymore, and we both know it.

“No.” Jack’s eyes meet mine. “There isn’t a chance. I’m sorry.”

My eyes fill with tears, but Jack turns on his heel all the same and sulks back to Petals, letting the door slam behind him and leaving me on the street outside of Knotty & Nice.

I know I should move. I should probably chase after Jack and give him a piece of my mind. I should do what I do best when it comes to Jack Jones and dig and fight until I’m completely under his skin.

After our near kiss that morning and spending time enchanted by his family, I should call him a fool, show him who’s boss, and kiss him senseless. Ideally, there’d be a romantic rainor snowstorm falling around us and the perfect ballad playing as a soundtrack forour momentin the background. That would show him exactly what I think about hischances.

But all I can focus on as I stare at the spot he just vacated, is the fact that Jack, not Jackson, just called meDinah Belle.

13

YOU’RE ALL I HAVE

SNOW PATROL

JACK

I regret leaving Dinah in the street before I even press my hand to Petals’ door, but I know I can’t turn around. I can’t look back at those sad green eyes, disappointed in my cowardice. If I do, I’ll lose all my resolve. I’ll kiss her in the street like I was so close to doing when we were alone this morning. Before the visit with my family shoved me back into reality.

Silence. Solitude. Safe.

I mumble those wretched calming words, but my mind doesn’t feel any clearer.

I let myself get carried away today. One minute I was raging over a cat I didn’t ask for, and the next I was planning to spend my whole day with the woman who’s at least partially responsible for the cat in the first place. And if I’m honest with myself—taking Dinah to my family, eating lunch with them all, and acting as if everything is normal—I was planning for far more. I let that seed of hope sprout and bloom.

But if living this way for the past three years has taught me anything, it’s that hope is dangerous. Hope is walking onto themound and expecting a no hitter. It’s believing an orchid can and will bloom in the dead of winter. It’s praying for the miracles you’ve read about in medical journals daily, just knowing and believing that one day you’ll be like the one they’re writing about.

Silence. Solitude. Safe.

I try again, breathing in and out. Taking three steady breaths between each word but feeling nothing. Nothing until the music blares on next door. Dinah isn’t singing along, and I don’t think the music she’s playing has any particular message for me, but it calls to me just the same. The beat to whatever raging song is playing, thrums in my chest.

She’s on the other side of my wall, and I put her there.

When I plopCaton the floor of the shop and he meanders around the buckets of flowers like he owns the place, I tell myself he’ll go back to the shelter first thing in the morning. I can’t take care of a cat, and I don’t want to. It’s simply the way things have to be. I’ll buy Jackson a cat-shaped Chia Pet and tell him to keep that alive.

But then, running my fingers over the rows of petals standing tall from their buckets, looking for the perfect stems,Catbegins weaving in and out of my legs. He purrs contentedly and follows my feet along the old wooden floors, a shadow to my every move. And I know I won’t return him.

Despite my misgivings or any arguments against the little vermin, I find that having him here with me right now is a strange sort of comfort. One I can’t quite put my finger on.

The small bouquet in my hand is slowly coming together when Maloy and Nate push through the shop door.

“Man, is she always that sassy?” Maloy almost never says hello, usually far too concerned with whatever his agenda is at the time to greet people properly. Nate, on the other hand,follows at his side and offers a brief headnod before shaking my hand.

I decide not to play his little games today. Choosing to ignore Maloy’s question, I jump into my own. “What do you want?”

“Now is that any way to greet your oldest friends, Jack?” Maloy slaps me on the back and leaves his hand clenched on my shoulder, pointing his grin at the flowers in my hand. “And who are we saying sorry to today, big guy?”

“Come on, man,” Nate nudges his brother, smiling at his antics. “This isn’t why we came.”

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