Page 77 of On the Edge

“A do-over?”

“Yes, that.” I smile at him gratefully. “Atlas and I did everything all wrong, and I am wishing we could have a do-over. We are good together, he and I, and I think we could be better with a little more trying.”

“You’ve got the summer—maybe you could talk and get to know one another without anything else distracting you,” he suggests diplomatically.

I nod down at my plate, taking a small bite of toast andchewing through my thoughts. Carter once told me that Zeke is demi, butZekehas never told me that. I’d like to talk to him about Atlas, because I think he, more than anyone else, will understand what I mean. But stronger than this desire is the worry that I’ll overstep and make him uncomfortable. Thinking that maybe the best way to broach the subject is to talk about myself, I set my fork down.

“I have always enjoyed dating, ever since I came here for school. I like to talk to people, and learn new things. But Atlas is the first person I looked at and…enjoyed looking at,” I finish, somewhat ridiculously. It’s not easy to find an appropriate way to explain that you wanted to have sex with someone for the first time in your adult life. “I am not wanting to scare him, but I am also not wanting to let him go. I worry there will never be another Atlas, yes?”

Rubbing a finger over my brow, I look down at my food and wish I had the appetite to eat. That was a terrible way to explain what I mean, but I can’t think of anything better. Zeke is going to think I am a crazy person.

“I think you and I are very similar, Vas,” Zeke says carefully, drawing my gaze back to his. “And I think your concerns are valid. There are a lot of people in the world who can go through heartbreak, turn around, and find another person they are just as attracted to. But there are also people that struggle with that—people like myself—and it’s perfectly reasonable to want to hold on to that feeling once you’ve found it. I don’t know what I would do if Carter left me. I honestly don’t. I’ll never love anyone the way I love him. I think I would end up dying alone.”

“Well, this is simply not going to happen,” I tell him, slightly alarmed at the words. Zeke smiles and takes a bite of egg.

“I don’t think so either, but the point remains that I’m probably more likely to be struck by lightning than find another person in the world that I’m attracted to, or that I love as much as Carter. And the same might be said of you.”

I heave a sigh of relief. “Yes, you are right. As always, you are right. Thank you for understanding.”

“Atlas might understand as well, if you give him a chance.”

“Perhaps, yes. Maybe it is as you said, and we shall take the summer to get to know one another the proper way.”

Zeke and I finish breakfast, chatting companionably as we eat. Carter has still not made an appearance when I have to go to work, so I leave Zeke with a request to bid him good morning from me, and walk out the door. After parking my car, there is a message waiting from Atlas.

Atlas

have a good day at work

Henri

May I call you later?

Atlas

you may

Smiling, I tuck my phone into the pocket of my khaki pants and walk inside, thinking about Atlas as I do.

The next coupleof weeks pass in a haze of long days working my internship, evenings spent in the company of my friends, and nights on the phone with Atlas. In many ways, Iam having the best summer of my life. Never before have I had so much to fill my time, or so many people asking for it.

Feeling absurdly grateful, I walk the halls of the rink with a smile on my face. Everyone I pass greets me by name and an answering smile. I really, truly love it here. Finished for the day, I stop by the practice rink to watch a little bit of their training. Carter is on the ice but not in goal. Troy Nichols is working on one-timing slap shots, fed by one of the coaching staff, and it would be dangerous to have their goalie in the net. Seeing me standing by the boards, Carter skates over.

“Heading home?” he asks.

“Yes. How is practice?”

“Good,” he grunts, head turned to watch Nichols. “Once they finish with this, I think they wanted to run through a few face-off drills working from the defensive zone. I’ll probably be awhile, still.”

“Max is coming over tonight, yes? Zeke mentioned?”

“Oh, yeah, he is. Luke is off doing what-the-fuck-ever.” Carter waves a hand and I bite back a grin. He loves to pick at Luke, and pretend not to like him. Carter is not such a good liar that he thinks he is.

“We shall have to invite him another day. Otherwise we will miss out on the pleasure of his company,” I say mildly. Carter eyes me, like he knows I’m giving him a hard time.

“Mm-hm,” he hums noncommittally, eyes flicking back to where Troy Nichols is still firing missiles into the back of his net. “You heard from housing yet?”

Surprised by the change of conversation, it takes me a second to think through the question and answer him. He leans against the boards with an elbow, eyes still on the ice but attention on me.

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