Page 77 of Clean Out of Luck

I shouldn’t say it. I should not say it.

But I can’t help it. My mouth seems to open of its own accord, and I blurt out, “I wantyou! And that scares me!”

His expression softens, and he looks at me with the warmest expression I’ve ever seen on Wade’s face.

“Do you mean that?”

I’d like to deny it, but for some reason, I can’t. “Yes. But I want you to say whatyouwant.”

He shakes his head. “I want you. I want to be with you. I don’t want a fling. I don’t want this to just be physical. I want an actual relationship with you, Scarlett. Serious, full-on, get to know each other as boyfriend- and girlfriend…with the intent to get married. I want to court you, Scarlett.”

He lets go of his end of the mop, and it flops to the ground with a splat. I lean the mop against the counter and run both hands through my hair.

“Wade, I’ve never seen you in a long relationship. I didn’t know you even were interested in that.”

“Well, I could say the same for you.”

I shake my head. “That’s not really my fault.”

“Isn’t it? Or is it that you’ve never found someone you’ve cared enough about to actually have a relationship with them?”

His words hit. Because there’s an element of truth to them. Sure, my brother and parents have disapproved of many of the men I’ve chosen to date, but I’ve never found one I was willing to go against their opinions for. There’s never been anyone worth the effort.

“Scarlett, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. And me telling you this is selfish. Because I want you all to myself. I can’t watch you go on dates with other men. It’s killing me. So I’m being honest with you right now. I want a relationshipwith you. And if you do not want the same, then I will walk out that door, and I will leave you alone. I will never bother you again. I will stop. I won’t ruin your dates. I will stop following you.”

The thought of him leaving now and never annoying me again is a lot worse than how it felt to break up with my boyfriend of five weeks.

I stare at him, opening and closing my mouth, trying to decide what to say. “If we were together, don’t you think we would clash? We’re different. I like to be alone; you like to be social. You run to your problems and face them head-on. I tend to hold back.”

Wade steps toward me, ignoring the fact that he’s standing in a puddle of water, now directly in front of me. “But the thing is, I understand that you like to be alone. I know you need that time to recharge. I know you’re not going to go become a derby driver. And I don’t expect you to. But I do know you are strong, Scarlett. I’ve seen you rise to the occasion over and over again. You’re stronger than you think. I don’t want you to change for me. I don’t need you to change. I don’t want you to feel that pressure. And more than anything, I want you to be happy. So if you think that being with me would make youunhappy, I want you to tell me to leave. I want you to put up that wall between us. Because I do not want to be the cause of your unhappiness.”

Dang it. That’s exactly the kind of stuff that makes me want to risk a relationship with him. He says these things, and even worse, he acts on them. He supports me. “When you say that, it makes me want to jump in head-first,” I mutter.

“Oh, I see how it is. I sound so terrible in this relationship. Just a horrible idea. It’s much better to find someone who won’t support you,” he says sarcastically.

“I am scared you’ll get bored of me.”

He looks at me and shakes his head. “I’ve never been bored with you in all the time I’ve known you.”

“Yes, but that’s different.”

“Explain it to me. You think I’ll all of a sudden get bored because we’re in a relationship? You think I’ll stop liking you just because I can?”

I can’t help but chuckle at that one. “But maybe you’ll get tired of me and being with me…I might not be enough in that department.”

“I’ve kissed you multiple times now, Scarlett.” He’s fighting a smile as he tells me this. “And every time I’ve kissed you, I promise you, I haven’t felt even a hint of boredom. I’m not going to lose that attraction to you. It doesn’t just go away. And yeah, I think our relationship is going to be one that maybe requires more communication or a different style of communication that will work for both of us. And I think that for you to be loved and protected, you need someone who understands what you’re capable of and what makes you feel safe.”

He takes another step closer to me, and I have to press my hands to my sides to keep from grabbing him.

I can see myself, clear as day, being happy with Wade, and that’s also what scares me. Because sometimes my brain likes to make up happy little illusions of what could be, so maybe I’m just tricking myself and it’s wishful thinking.

“I need to know what you truly want,” Wade says.

“I want to try to be in a relationship with you,” I admit slowly. “I want to be the person you’re excited to see every day. I want to be the person you can relax around and feel safe with. I don’t want to be the person you have to perform for or be on top of your game with. I want to be there for you, no matter what.” I want to kiss him because I’m attracted to him, and unfortunately, I have been for quite a while.

His eyebrows shoot up at that. “Oh really? Tell me more,” he says.

I shake my head with a smile. “There’s a lot of reasons I want to be with you, Wade, and they’re also the same reasons I’m scared to be with you. Because I’m scared of having all those things. And I’m scared that someday you’ll walk away. And then I’ll be left without you.”

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