Page 93 of Bleed for Me

For the longest time I thought that Jordan, Seven, and Archer were monsters. But weren’t we all? Darkness lurked inside each and every one of us, and it was only a matter of time before it consumed us whole. I understood that now. Maybe finding out about Alex was what really helped to open my eyes. He used to be so perfect to me. He was someone I’d always envied because of his self-restraint. I thought that if he could do it, then that meant it was possible for me, too. Little did I know.

I lowered myself on the edge of my bed, turning my head to look at Cheyanne who still hadn’t moved. “We’re all here for a reason,” I continued, my voice coming out much calmer than it had moments before. “We’re all fucked up.”

You’re not innocent.

You killed her.

Daisy died because of you. If you weren’t so fucking useless, none of it would have happened.

It should have been you.

Night had fallen and I’d managed to keep my distance from everyone throughout most of the day, but the voices had only become more and more persistent. What was happening to me? Why were they so loud all of a sudden? Sometimes they weren’t that bad. But when they started talking about killing people or about Daisy… I couldn’t handle it.

Your own mom can’t even stand to see you.

She hates you too. She knows you for the monster you are.

“Stop it,” I growled.

I was huddled in the corner of my bed with my knees drawn to my chest, rocking back and forth as I urged the voices to stop. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t even fucking think.

Just do everyone a favor and end it all.

I scoffed in response. Like I hadn’t tried that already.

If that was an attempt, it was a tragic one. If you really want to die, make it happen. You know exactly how to.

“I don’t want to die anymore.”

Ah yes. Because you found out what an orgasm felt like, and it made you want to live.The voice sounded amused, and that only pissed me off more. That wasn’t why I wanted to live. I wasn’t sure I ever truly wanted to die in the first place.

My hands tore through my blonde hair, messing it up in the process—not that it wasn’t already in disarray.

The entire room was shrouded in darkness, and for once, I was thankful for it. The less I could see, the better, because if my dead sister made another random appearance, I might just lose it once and for all.

The voices continued, growing louder and louder with every passing moment until they were all merging together. It was all so overwhelming. Heat built behind my eyes until tears blurred my vision. I just wanted it to stop. Why wouldn’t it stop?

“Jordan hears voices.”

That’s what Archer had said. Maybe he’d know how to work through this. But what if he told Dr. Blake? I’d be stuck here forever, just like him.

Maybe the risk was worth it.

My heart pounded against my ribcage ferociously as I scrambled off of my bed. We weren’t supposed to be out aftercurfew, but Mr. Mike usually didn’t care. I’d only seen him a few times while passing and he never said anything.

Slipping on my shoes, I hurried across my room and jerked open the door. Light encased me instantly, blinding me for a moment as my eyes worked to adjust to the sudden change. The hallway was empty as expected, causing my shoulders to ease just a fraction.

Careful. You don’t want to run into Alina or Rachel,one of the voices taunted.

My breath caught in my throat, and I quickened my pace, gently closing the door behind me before I practically bolted toward Jordan’s room. I didn’t bother to knock, opting to jerk it open instead. To my surprise, his light was on, but he was sprawled out on his bed with his arm tucked beneath his head. His eyes were closed and his chest moved up and down evenly, letting me know he was fast asleep.

My mouth went dry instantly as I took him in. He was dressed in a pair of sweatpants, but his shirt had been long forgotten. Tattoos littered his skin, but I couldn’t even think of focusing on them. My head was spinning with all the thoughts swirling through it.

I knew this was a bad idea, but what else was I supposed to do? A current of dread snaked through me, reminding me that he was no hero. He could just as easily kill me if he wanted, and he’s threatened me enough that I believed he’d actually do it.

Then again, if he didn’t kill me, these voices just might.

Slowly, I closed the distance between us, climbing on top of his bed alongside him. He looked so peaceful when he slept. His dark blonde hair was swept across his forehead, one arm resting over his ribs.

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