Page 22 of Married with Mayhem

That came out wrong. So very fucking wrong.

Nico starts cracking up so hard he nearly falls out of his chair. My dad stops wrapping up meatball heroes and clears his throat as a stern warning. Sabrina stares at me with wide, innocent eyes.

“I meant that I’ll be the one sleeping on the couch!” I yell since the whole room has jumped to the conclusion that I’m a goddamn pervert. “Sabrina can have my room.Withoutme in it.”

At least this whole miscommunication is the last straw for Rochelle. She stalks over here in her obnoxious stilettos and ignores everyone except Livy.

“Let’s go,” she says. “The food here sucks anyway.”

Livy scoots even closer to Nico. “I’m gonna stay and hang out.”

Rochelle’s nostrils flare. “Whatever,” she mutters and wobbles to the exit.

I’m glad she’s gone but now Sabrina is frowning.

“That girl such a shitty liar, Sal,” she says to my father. “Your food is superb. I haven’t eaten this well since I left New York.”

My dad chuckles and drops two pizza slices on a plate for his current customer. “Thanks, kiddo.”

“Good riddance to bad company.” I toast to the recent departure by sticking a garlic knot in my mouth.

“Maybe this is the end of Rochelle Rossi’s obsession with you,” Nico says.

“It kind of has to be,” Livy agrees. “I mean, she and Derek are getting married in October.”

Sabrina is intently listening to every word with a thoughtful expression. This shouldn’t make me feel like I’m under a microscope.

After all, Sabrina’s not mine and I’m not hers. I don’t owe her an explanation. But I hate the idea that she’ll think all I do is run around the tri-state area in search of a place to insert my dick.

“Did you have sex with her?” Sabrina asks, quite suddenly and far too loudly. It’s like the thought popped into her head and simplyhadto come out of her mouth.

“Jesus.” I choke on the garlic knot.

And everyone, including my father, waits for me to answer.

“NO!” I shout with my face aflame. “I did NOT have sex with her!”

“There’s no need to scream,” Sabrina scolds and pushes her drink on me again. “Have some more soda.”

I feel like an idiot for obeying. At least draining the rest of her soda buys me a few seconds to recover.

While I’m recovering, my dad delivers plates of fried mozzarella and bruschetta. Sabrina holds her phone out to show off the latest photo of Luca and Anni’s baby girl.

“Her name is Jane,” Sabrina says with loving pride. “She looks so much like Annalisa. I can’t wait to hold her.”

“What an angel!” Livy catches a glimpse and puts her hand to her heart. “She’s precious.”

My dad examines the photo and grins. “She really is a cutie. Luca sure did good, marrying a wonderful girl and making this little miracle.”

Maybe my dad forgot that Luca and Anni didn’t exactly have a traditional love story. They couldn’t stand each other when their marriage was arranged as part of a mafia alliance. Now they’re so deeply in love it can be kind of nauseating.

“Anyway,” my father says, “these two jokers of mine should learn some lessons from Luca.”

“Lessons in what?” I ask.

He jabs an accusing finger in my direction. “You could think about settling down. I’d like to be a grandpa before I die.”

If I’d still been eating, I would have spit out my food. Ideas about ‘settling down’ and producing little Monte Juniors don’t exist on my radar.

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