Page 57 of Married with Mayhem

Yet none of those crimes is worse than this. I’ve hurt an innocent girl. It doesn’t matter that I’d gladly crush the skull of anyone else who threatens her. Just now she looked at me like I’m the real monster.

Because tonight that’s exactly what I am.

The remorse is crippling. I choke on it as I grab the room key and stumble outside. A shallow balcony runs the length of the second floor, overlooking the parking lot. A light rain is falling and cool drops slap my face when I lean on the sturdy railing.

Drunk or not, every word I said is carved into my memory forever. I’m sure it’s carved into hers too.

I’m not sure how much time passes as I stare into the night and wait for the haze of alcohol to fade before I can face Sabrina again. Each flashback to the betrayal and disbelief in her eyes is a fresh and justified wound.

She wasn’t simply angry over my callous insults, terrible as they were. I’d accidentally reminded her of something, some past painful experience that she never speaks of and wanted to forget.

My fists curl over the thin ledge of the wrought iron railing. The rain is falling harder now and the wind is blowing. I can hardly feel it when my shirt gets soaked but I can’t stay out here all night. Not unless Sabrina wants me to.

It’s not often that I get nervous but I feel sick with anxiety and dread when I return to that room.

Sabrina calmly sits on her bed. Her legs are under the covers and she’s propped up with pillows, her laptop open on her knees.

She stops typing and gives me a frank stare when I close the door behind me. She’s changed her clothes and wears a bright green hoodie while the Gino’s Pizzeria shirt, the one I gave her, is folded up on my bed.

No silence has ever been louder as I cross the room and drop to my knees at her bedside.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice hoarse. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.”

She sighs and closes her laptop, hugging it to her chest. Her eyes are red and her skin is blotchy. My heart lurches with sorrow.

Sabrina tucks her hair behind her ears and examines me. “You look terrible. You should go take a hot shower and change to something that’s not rain-soaked.”

At least she’s not crying anymore. She’s not cursing me out either, even though I deserve it.

Obeying her wishes, I grab my duffel bag and retreat to the bathroom. The water temperature is just this side of scalding and I remain beneath the shower blast until I feel somewhat clear-headed. Since I’m already in there, I drag a razor over my jaw to get rid of a few days of beard scruff.

By the time I’m toweled off, dressed in a hoodie and sweats with my teeth brushed, I feel close to normal.

I crack open the bathroom door slowly in case Sabrina is asleep. She isn’t. She’s still working on her laptop. When she sees the door open, she shuts the lid and moves the laptop to the nightstand to give me her full attention.

My joints feel stiff as I sink miserably down on the other bed. “I’m sorry.”

“You said that already. Repeatedly.”

“Right.” I run a hand through my damp hair, trying to cobble together a better way to explain myself. Honesty is probably best. “But I do sincerely apologize. I was way out of line and I have no excuse. You are a verybeautiful girl. And sometimes certain uh,thoughtscross my mind and then what happens is-”

“Oh my god, STOP, I beg you!” She briefly pulls the covers over her head and then throws them aside with a flushed glare. “I’m not an idiot, Monte. The last thing either of us needs is to suffer through your explanation about why dicks get hard. I get the picture.”

“Jesus,” I growl. “That’s not what I was doing.”

“Well, however you were planning to enlighten me, just don’t. Everyone is traumatized enough for one night.”

“Fine. I’m definitely not trying to add to your trauma.” I swallow hard. “Do you hate me?”

She rolls her eyes. “You can be a major asshole.”

“I think we’ve established that.”

“And tonight you outdid yourself.”

“Last time I ever try to be an overachiever.”

She grabs a pillow and throws it at my head. “No, of course I don’t hate you. Jerk.”

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