Page 113 of Married with Mayhem

“Why?” I ask. I’m already certain that I won’t enjoy the answer.

My sister remains in Luca’s arms but her anger has been replaced with anxiety. Especially because Luca doesn’t appear eager to part with an explanation.

“Because your uncle wanted you off his hands. He said that if Monte didn’t agree to marry you then he’d find someone else who would. Monte couldn’t bear the thought of you winding up trapped by people like the Tempestas.”

The words have the ring of truth and yet I feel sick when I hear them. By agreeing to a marriage he didn’t want, Monte made a very noble gesture.

However, it changes the calculus of our situation in a profound way. I wasn’t saving him from my uncle. He was saving me.

“I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just tell me that.”

“He knew you would feel hurt. And he couldn’t stand seeing you hurt.”

The sudden raw, sour feeling in my throat warns of incoming tears. “What am I, Luca? A doll? A child? The truth needs to be kept from me for my own good?”

He winces. “Monte was just trying to protect you.”

“And now he’s left me here in your care.”

He shrugs with a sigh. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“I see.” This room feels abruptly suffocating so I fling open the front door. With a deep gulp of the fresh summer air, I try to chase away old insecurities.

“Brina?” Anni touches my shoulder. She tries to pull me into a hug but I don’t want to be touched right now. Anni sighs and briefly strokes my hair instead.

“I’m not a loser,” I whisper. “I’m not useless.”

And I really didn’t mean to speak out loud. It’s just a flaw of mine to be revisited by self-doubt in tense moments. I’m reminded of the men in my life who thought I was nothing and let me know it.

But not Monte. No, I might be pissed at him right now, but I’m still so very grateful for the healing gift he’s given me. I can now see myself through his eyes. I am beautiful and I am powerful in my own way. And I absolutely fucking refuse to be pulled back like a rubber band to my worst moments every time life presents me with a test.

Jeffrey hasn’t won. My father hasn’t won. I’VE WON!

People love me and I love them. I will not retreat into the status of some fragile heirloom to be passed off between caretakers. There is strength inside me. Whether or not it continues to grow is my choice.

“Brina?” Anni says again, increasingly worried. “What did you say?”

“Nothing.” I turn and squeeze Anni in a quick hug. “I’m fine. I just want to sit outside by myself for a little while.”

At first, I’m sure she’ll argue and stick by my side, always the protective big sister. But then she pats my back. “Say the word if you want some company.”

“Will do.” I give her a small smile before closing the door behind me and sinking into one of the front porch rocking chairs.

An hour later, the shadows are starting to lengthen in the late afternoon and I’m still there on the front porch when my phone rings. I know it’s him even before I look at the screen.

“Are you speaking to me?” Monte says.

“I picked up, didn’t I?”

He coughs once. He sounds miserable. “I’m sorry. I had to do this alone.”

“How are your cousins?”

He exhales loudly. “Luca told you, huh? Can’t blame him for that.”

“He didn’t want to tell me anything. Anni and I teamed up and sort of dragged it out of him. What’s the deal with them anyway, these Tempestas? What do they want from you?”

“They’re not…” he pauses and lowers his voice. “They can be trouble. I won’t apologize for keeping them away from you. They’re my problem, not yours.”

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