Page 9 of Married With Malice

“Sorry, I’m cranky. But I’d take a dildo over Luca any day. And Daisy, if I suck any harder my lungs will collapse.”

Daisy finishes with the laces and steps back to appraise her work. “Don’t be so negative. Luca took you to the prom so you must have gotten along just fine at some point. Just try to find that energy again.”

Sabrina overcomes her possible cracked tooth and howls with laughter. “Definitelydon’tfind that energy again.”

“Can we talk about something else?” I grumble while trying really hard not to pass out now that I’m locked in a corset vice. I’m a little dismayed by my reflection in the mirror. I look far sexier than I planned to look.

“I don’t get it,” Daisy says with a frown. “You were so happy to go to the prom with Luca.”

Nothing could be further from the truth but Daisy believes everyone is always happy because she’s always happy.

“Are you serious?” Sabrina is still shaking with laughter. “Daddy recruited him as a mercy date and then Anni tried to set him on fire.”

“That is asevereexaggeration of events.” I pull on the cheap green wig. I look like a maniacal comic book character.

My father did recruit Luca to take me to the prom. He ignored my horrified tantrum and took my car keys away until I agreed to go. He must have shelled out a hell of a bribe because I can’t imagine why else Luca would agree to take me anywhere. We had a long tradition of open hostility.

But Luca did show up, all groomed and shiny in his black tux. He brought me a corsage picked out by his Aunt Donna, kissed my cheek and shook my father’s hand.

And that’s why I can’t fucking stand him. Consistency matters. If you’re going to be an asshole then just be an asshole.

Don’t put on a show as if you’re prom-date-of-the-year material and then go have a public orgy at the after party.

Ordinarily, I couldn’t care less where Luca inserts his dick. That night I hung out in the bathroom most of the time to avoid him and then got towed along to the post-prom party where I sat alone on the beach, refusing to join the sex and drug debauchery.

However, Luca decided to make the experience memorable by turning me into the girl whose date had a three way with Katie Bishop and Daria Flynn.

They were still all twisted up together in a bedroom when I found them. It was the most revolting scene I’ve ever walked into. Luca’s tux had been left crumpled in a ball on the floor.

Maybe it wasn’t my proudest moment when I scooped up his clothes, ran outside and threw the pile into the firepit but he deserved it.

Luca was plenty pissed but I’d made my point. And he was extra salty about being forced to go home wearing nothing but a beach towel but there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.

As for me, I would have said all’s well that ends well and called our battle a draw.

But NOOOOO.

Luca bides his time when it comes to payback.

Fast forward to sophomore year of college when I had my first real boyfriend.

One I really liked. One I might have loved.

It was a complete shock when Matthew Pentone, college hockey player and taker of my virginity on that musty dorm room mattress, dumped me at Starbucks on New Year’s Eve. To this day he’s the only guy I’ve ever cried over.

And as if the whole Dumped At Starbucks episode didn’t sting enough, a few weeks later I discovered there was a reason for Matthew’s sudden change of heart.

He knew Luca.

They used to compete in the same sports leagues and they were friendly.

And Luca, who can’t just let bygones be bygones, deliberately sought out Matthew while he was home from college on winter break. He filled Matthew’s head with a bunch of lies, which explained why Matthew looked terrified when he stammered through his breakup speech. He kept tugging at his striped wool scarf and didn’t even finish his latte before running out of Starbucks like he was fleeing gunfire.

Now I’m the one with a grudge. I’m the one who gets to dish out some petty revenge.

A black veil gets pinned to my green wig. “How do I look?” I ask my sisters.

Daisy and Sabrina crowd in beside me at the mirror with doubtful expressions.

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