Page 17 of Married With Malice

Time will tell. In the meantime, I may as well eat.

“Hey, man.” Daisy’s husband steps in front of me with a goofy grin. Bowie extends a fist and waits for me to bump it. “Hell of a party.”

“Sure is.” I’d have to be coldblooded to dislike the sunny hamburger king who won Daisy Barone’s heart. He’s cheerfully ignorant about the family he’s married into and everyone he meets is treated like his new best friend.

Bowie’s shaggy, sand-colored hair is tied up in a man bun. Under his robin’s egg blue suit he wears a souvenir t-shirt from the Santa Monica pier. “We’ll have to hang out,” he says. “Like double date and stuff. Now that it’s all official.”

“That would be super cool,” I reply, speaking his language.

He smells heavily of weed. I wonder if that’s the secret ingredient in his famous hamburgers. “Awesome,” he says and holds his fist out again.

“Have you seen my wife lately?” I ask.My wife.Saying that is going to take some practice.

He thinks really hard. The process looks painful. “Uh, yeah, she was hanging out in the hallway with Daisy and Sabrina. They went to, like, go find a couch or something.”

“I see.”

Actually, Idon’tsee. But I have a feeling that asking a follow up question would be a waste of time.

The catering staff is nearly finished delivering plates. Bowie eyes the food with interest. His stomach growls.

He wanders off to go take care of that problem and I return to my seat.

There are animated conversations happening at the table where Richie and Aunt Donna are sitting with Annalisa’s parents. I’ve never seen anyone literally wring their hands before but that’s exactly how I’d describe Anni’s mother. Extremely traditional and perpetually tense, Giulia Barone always had a difficult time managing her daughters. Right now she’s on the verge of hyperventilating.

Richie and Albie don’t seem bothered. They are exchanging jokes while Aunt Donna lends a sympathetic ear to Anni’s mother, who blots her flushed neck with a napkin before launching into another wave of hysterics.

It turns out Annalisa didn’t escape through a bathroom window after all. She stands at the threshold of the ballroom and glowers at the scene before she begins marching this way, green wig and all. A few guests rise to greet her but she doesn’t even slow down. Behind her, at a far slower pace, Daisy wafts through the room. More flowers have been added to her hair.

Bowie stands up and shouts his wife’s name, just in case she fails to see him in his bright blue suit. Daisy waves back at him with excitement and runs over. Their passionate embrace suggests they’ve been separated for half a year instead of about twenty minutes.

Anni plunks down at the seat beside me in a huff. Her father pushes back from his table and levels a hostile stare in her direction. She ignores him and she ignores me as she takes a gulp from her wine glass.

I finish chewing the bite of prime rib in my mouth. “Did you ever find your couch?”

She sets her glass down. “What the hell are you babbling about now?”

“My new brother-in-law informed me you were searching for a couch.” I gesture to Bowie, currently in the middle of a public make-out session with Daisy.

Annalisa glances at her sister and something happens to her face. The murderous scowl disappears. There’s even a wisp of a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. Then she remembers who she’s sitting next to and the smile evaporates.

Yet that brief breach in her armor provides a glimpse of common ground.

Annalisa is devoted to her sisters. That might explain a few things, like what the hell we’re doing here with rings on our fingers. Perhaps I’ve drawn some incorrect conclusions about her. And this whole sham would be far less unpleasant if we could manage to be at least a little bit honest with each other.

“Is everything all right?” I ask her and for once I’m being genuine.

She purses her lips and then sighs. “Sabrina isn’t feeling well. She needed to lie down.”

“I don’t see her anywhere.”

“That’s because she’s not feeling well. Like I just told you about six seconds ago. Check your hearing.”

“Maybe we should go look in on her.”

“Weare not doing anything.Iwill go check on my sister in a few minutes.Youcan stay right here and continue to slobber all over yourself.”

I don’t think I was slobbering. But so much for trying to be pleasant. And I guess we won’t be sharing our secrets anytime soon.

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