Page 5 of Snowed in with the Billionaires

“Also, my adopted brothers have the same taste in women. So I kind of connected the dots,” she winks. “They’re very good at sharing too, which helps.” Another wink.

First, Tina doesn’t breathe. She talks nonstop. Second, I have no clue what she’s talking about.

“Come and meet everyone. They’re going to be blown away when they see you.” She links her arm with mine and doesn’t even notice that she’s pulling me along against my will. “Their collective. That’s what I’m going to call you.”

She drags me into the kitchen where at least four other adults are unpacking groceries—as if the cabin isn’t fully stocked enough. My mind spins. My heart is beating weirdly in my chest. Clearly, I had stepped through a portal into mayhem. Again, this should not be happening.

Am I going to have to kill them all?

Tina introduces me to their Uncle Klaus, a tall, wiry man with kind eyes, and his wife, Aunt Essie, who is a complete head shorter than her husband, her cheeks round and rosy, and there’s a mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

Their cousin Melody comes up next. She’s blonde and beautiful, and her husband, Gerard, is a way too handsome, well-built Black man who seems to only have eyes for his wife. They have two children, toddler Hale and baby Keira.

After hugging me and welcoming me to the family, Melody hands me her six-month-old and a bottle before she hands her toddler to her husband for a change of clothes after he’d emptied his chocolate milk on his head. I witnessed this happen in real time.

“Kids, I don’t recommend them,” she conspires in a whisper, but it’s clear from the look on her face she loves her kids more than life itself.

I’m now completely paralyzed. There’s a baby in my hands.

“Oh, poor thing,” Aunt Essie teases and helps me get settled, then shows me how to feed the baby. What is happening to me right now?

“This is going to be epic,” Tina says as she pulls out an entire leg of lamb from a grocery bag while Melody is ready to start cutting up vegetables. Aunt Essie places a huge saucepan on the stove, and Uncle Klaus is gathering all the herbs and spices she’ll need.

I’m still a little stunned at the scene before me. I’ve never had a family—too busy stealing stuff for the mafia—but the rhythm with which they work together and laugh together makes my heart constrict.

Uncle Klaus talks to me about golf. Parker, Tina’s son, offers me his apple, which he’d bitten into already, and Gerard, back with a shiny clean Hale, asks me what I do. I murmur ‘administration.’ Do with that what you will.

“Where did this storm come from?” Melody asks, concerned, as she peers out of the ceiling-to-wall windows. “There wasn’t anything about it in the news.”

“Freak storm,” Uncle Klaus says. “Can’t trust the weather these days.” Everyone agrees with him.

“Guess we’re going to have to wait it out here,” Tina says a little too gleefully. “We can watch movies and play games. It’ll be so much fun.”

Not for me, it won’t.

“We haven’t seen them for over a month,” Tina says, washing her hands at the sink now and talking to me over her shoulder. I’m quietly petrified I’m going to drop the baby in my hands, so I don’t move a muscle.

“It’s too long,” she continues. “We usually meet for a big family dinner once a week, so instead, we brought them dinner here at the cabin. It’s the only way we’ll get to see them. And yes, billionaires are busy, but family first, right?” Tina says waiting for my agreement. What do I know? But I nod anyway.

I feel like Alice in What the Fuck Land. My brain honestly stopped working.

I have to get out of here. Time is ticking. I have under three hours to come up with a counter strategy now that my amazing, foolproof plan is currently being sabotaged by their family, who just want to spend time with them while enjoying a meal.

Ugh.

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