Page 19 of Craving the Bad Boy

Don’t worry about Tammy. Once she’s asleep, it’ll be just you and me.

Roxy holds the phone steady as my eyes scan the rest of the messages, and as my eyes take in each one, a steady sense ofdespair and betrayal rises up within. “This has been going on for months, Tammy,” she says softly. Is that actual compassion in her voice I hear? Or is she just faking it? “We were really close, but then he began to pull away. I knew he was seeing other women, but Saxon’s the kind of guy you just can’t seem to pull yourself away from, ya know?”

My head nods for itself, as if on autopilot.

“I’m sorry,” she continues. “I just thought you should know before–”

“It can’t be…” I mutter. My entire body is trembling now. This can’t be real. This can’t be happening. There’s no way Saxon would betray me. Lie to me.

I trust him.

I…trusted him…

Roxy swipes her screen, and another set of messages appears, this time with a picture attached. Saxon with his arm draped around Roxy’s shoulders, holding her tight, holding out the camera for a selfie. They’re both laughing and looking way too comfortable together. And the setting…

When I see it, my heart stops.

The lake. They’re at the lake together.

“I’ve never brought anyone here. Not a single damn soul, let alone a girl.”That’s what he said to me. Those were his exact words. I remember because it was the beginning of my trust starting to grow for him.

“You see?” Roxy asks, her eyes narrow and chilled. “He’s a player, Tammy. He’s been playing us both. You think he’s this great guy with a heart of gold. You think he loves you, but he doesn’t. You’re just another notch on his belt, just like I am. And we’re not the only ones, Tammy. He’s been using usboththis entire time. He lied to me. He lied toyou.”

I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes as a cold despair settles into my heart. My gaze seems to vignette around that image. His words–his lies–echo through my brain.

I’ve never felt so stupid in my life. At least when I was living at home with my dad, I knew what I was being subjected to. But this–this backhanded deception…that’s something else.

My hands are shaking, my breaths chattering in shallow gasps. My pulse thuds in the base of my skull, and I’m absolutely sure I’m going to throw up now.

I spin and vomit onto the floor, gasping for breath as George curses in disgust from somewhere to my side. “Oh, Tammy,” Roxy says gently, placing a hand on my back. “I hate to see you go through this, but you need to hear the truth. You deserve to know who Saxon truly is. He’s just another scumbag biker boy. He’s not capable of loving you the way you need.”

Her words arenothelping.

They twist inside me, stinging like a cancer.

My stomach heaves as I vomit again, tears pouring from my eyes onto the filthy floor of the bar. I can barely breathe. It’s like I’m suffocating, drowning in my own panic and despair. The whole world is a blur, spinning around me, giving me nothing to hold on to.

“We can help each other–” Roxy starts to say, but I can’t take it anymore. I dart out the door into the back parking lot, gasping for air, on the verge of a full-blown panic attack.

I want to race back in there and scream my lungs out at her. Pound my fists into her face, but that wouldn’t solve anything. I’d just be taking out my anger on her, when I really feel like hurting Saxon.

But how am I supposed to do that?

It’s not like heactuallycares about me.

He probably didn’t even have business to attend to at the clubhouse this morning. He was probably just off with anotherone of his girls, whispering tried-and-true dirty talk in her ear that he’s used countless times.

I feel like the wind’s been knocked out of me. The pain I’m feeling now is unbearable. I opened up to him about my past. I let him in. And all he did was lie and betray me. Use me like I meant nothing to him. Pretending to love me while just stringing me along for his own fun and games.

I’m a fool.

I have to get out of here.

Somehow, I manage to get back in my car. My legs are shaking like Jell-O as I hit the gas and pull out onto the road. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes.

I stop at my apartment for less than five minutes, just enough to collect the essentials. And then I’m out the door and back in the car.

I don’t know where I’m going. But I’ve left my life behind and started over once before. I can do it again.

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