Page 114 of Swept Away

I wince. “Sorry. That was totally insensitive.”

“And I did know. It was this cute curly-haired eighteen-year-old who I could’ve sworn was called Zach. He had made it very clear that he only wanted one thing for one night, like he’d spelled it outsomuch, checking in with me all the time that I was cool with it all, and I’d said sure, absolutely, same here.”

I actually cannot bear to think about this. The very idea of Penny with Zeke makes me want to claw at my skin or hit something. I look back toward Marissa’s car.

“Shall we just—”

She talks over me, determined. “Then when your mum asked how involved I wanted him to be, I felt so panicked. Imagine this stranger coming in and being ahugepart of your life all of a sudden, Lex,” she says, finally looking at me.

Her face is beseeching. I start to feel cold, despite the heat of the sun, despite the nerves that have had me sweating in the back of the car since we set off this morning.

“This stranger who made it so clear he never wanted to speak to you again. I mean, what if he decided to push for joint custody ofthe baby? It was such a mindfuck, being pregnant when I hadneverexpected to have a kid, and there you and your mum were, offering to drop absolutely everything to help, and it felt so nice. You said the baby and I could live with you both. It sounded so amazing. I wantedusto be a family, and I didn’t want some guy—”

“Penny,” I say, pulling her arm to stop her. “What are you telling me?”

She starts to cry again. I step back slightly, and then I remember what Marissa said in the car, and instead of easing off like I usually would, I push.

“Tell me, Penny. Say it.”

“I never told him, Lexi,” she whispers. “I never told Zeke I was pregnant.”

I drop my hand from her arm and reel away. “You—you—” I turn back to her. “Are you fucking joking? Are youfucking joking?”

“Don’t be angry with me!” she sobs. “I can’t stand when you yell at me, Lexi, please don’t, please don’t be mad.”

“You said you told him and he didn’t want anything to do with the baby!”

“It was the easiest thing to say!” she cries. “And what did it matter? He didn’t want a kid! Hewasa kid! I felt like this was better for everyone, the baby included, and…”

“You weren’t thinking about Mae,” I snarl. I amhotwith rage. “You were thinking about yourself. You were thinking about avoiding a difficult conversation and getting exactly what you wanted, no matter the consequences for anyone else.”

She looks horrified. “Is that what you think of me?” she whispers.

“There have been…” I press my hand to my eyes. “How many times have you had the opportunity to tell us the truth? You let us raise Mae thinking her father didn’twanther, and in reality you never even gave him the chance to.”

“You know that’s not what she thinks!” Penny says, and there’s fire in her now; she straightens her shoulders. “I haveneverlet my daughter feel unloved. Don’t you dare make me feel like a bad mother.”

“I’m—you’re—” I break off to let out a growl of emotion, turning back toward the car. “Why would you tell me thisnow? I’m hours away from getting interviewed on the television and—andseeinghim and…”

“That’s why, Lex. You had to know. I didn’t realize you cared so much about him, or I would have said sooner, but it just seemed like…” She sounds so miserable. “It seemed like it was better to stick to the story.”

“Better for you.”

“Better foryou. Better for Mae!”

“How? How is this better? No, I don’t have time for this,” I say, walking away from her.

I scowl at the person in the window of that house, the woman with the limp handful of dandelions in her front garden. I give no shits about causing a scene. I feel like I want to burn something down, let this whole street char and smoke like the oil rig, as if that might help with the roaring emotions tearing through me. Aside from the years of lies, the thing that hurts the most right now is knowing that the agony of the last month has been built onnothing. Knowing that Zeke is hurting, too, that I’ve been hurting him, and he never even did anything wrong.

I yank open the car door, getting into the front seat. Fuck her car sickness. I don’t want to have to look at the back of her head right now.

“Drive,” I say to Marissa, as Penny climbs in the back.

“Lexi, please,” she sobs.

“Just drive.”

Marissa pulls out into the traffic. The only thing that will helpwith this storm in my chest is seeing Zeke. Telling him I love him. I want to run into his arms and bury myself there the way I would when the wind was raging around the boat, when he felt like the only safe place in the world.

---