Page 115 of The Wake-Up Call

Izzy

Lucas’s flat is so familiar now—the creak of the leather sofa, the smell of his shower gel from the morning, the hum of the electric heater he puts on for me because I feel the cold more than he does. But as we turn to face each other on the sofa, so much is different. Now that I know the truth about last Christmas, I can see how tightly it was always holding me back. I’d never given myself over to him the way I am now—I’ve neverrelaxedlike this, guard fully down.

“Do you think it will be different now?” I ask quietly, taking one of his hands and pulling it to my lap. I run my fingers over his, tracing his knuckles, then the lines of his palm. “Between us?”

“Maybe. More intense.”

I flick my gaze up to his.Moreintense?

“Mm,” he says with a small, slow smile. “I know.”

“Can I ask you about something?” I run my nails lightly back and forth across his forearm.

He watches my hand. “Of course. Anything.”

“Your ex. Camila.”

He stays still. I slide my hand back to lace my fingers through his.

“I’m listening now. Will you tell me about what happened with her?”

“It’s nothing big,” he says, and his eyes flick up to my face as I shake my head.

“I think maybe it is.”

“She just... It was my fault, really. I found it difficult to open up to her. She read it as lack of feeling.” He shrugs. “Lots of people see me that way.”

Including me, for the last year. I swallow, my throat suddenly dry.

“But actually, you feelbig,” I say, lifting my hand to his chest. “But it’s all stuck in there. Right?”

He snorts lightly but doesn’t deny it.

“And she cheated on you?”

“Yes. That’s how it ended. She said,You don’t have a heart, so don’t tell me I broke it.”

I inhale sharply. Not because it’s cruel—though it is—but because I could imagine myself having said it once. Lucascanseem heartless: he’s so logical, and so inscrutable, and so bloodymuscly, and for some reason all those things in combination read as a certain kind of guy. The uptight robot-man. The guy you sleep with but nothing more, because that’s all he’s got to give you.

But Lucas is the man who makes Ruby Hedgers laugh until she snorts. He’s the man who heard my Christmas plans and said,I know what it feels like to be away from your family at Christmas, because he understood that my friendsaremy family now. He’s made my blood boil, and my body burn, but he’s also made me laugh and challenge myself and have real fun. He is a hell of a lot more than he looks.

“Deep down, I think you’reallheart,” I whisper, shifting closer.

He gives me a small smile at that.

“And I get that it’s made you a little prickly about cheating. ButI do need you to trust me. Even if I’m chatting with a guy.” I laugh as he winces. “Lucas.”

“Yes, I know. I do trust you. I do. I’m sorry.”

“And I know I’ve jumped to conclusions more times than I can count in the last year—I’ve always assumed the worst of you,” I say, looking down at our twined hands. “I was horrible when you told me about your hotel management course, and then when you tried to open up about Camila... I just couldn’t fit it together with the guy I was so sure you were. It freaked me out that you were... I don’t know. I needed you to be a dickhead, so that I could stop myself from falling in love with you. But you kept being lovely and interesting.”

He squeezes my hand for a moment and then lets go, letting me explore him, my fingers tracing up to his elbow, his bicep.

“I promise to think the best of you from this moment on. To ask you, if I think you’ve done something hurtful. I promise never to be unkind.” I smile slightly. “Though I kind of like that you’ve seen that side of me. The worst of me. People tend to think I’m super nice, and I do try to be, obviously, but... Sometimes everyone’s a bit of a bitch, aren’t they? I get a bit exhausted trying to keep it up nonstop without ever slipping up and swearing at bad drivers or complaining about guests, you know?”

“Ah, yes,” Lucas says, and his bicep flexes under my palm. “Angelic Izzy. I never thought you were that, by the way. Not even when you were nice to me.”

I laugh. “No?”

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