Page 106 of The Wake-Up Call

“Yeah. When I first came to the hotel.” He fiddles idly with the cord on my telephone. “She told me how she felt about me then.”

My whole body flinches, knuckles turning white on the back of the chair.

“I had a girlfriend at that point, so I didn’t act on it, but I kept the card she sent me.” Louis pats the back pocket of his trousers. “I’m going to whip it out today. Win her round once and for all. Nothing says romance like holding on to a love letter for a whole year, does it?”

I don’t know what to say. I am staring at Louis’s back pocket, desperate to read this card, playing the words Izzy said over and over as my heart races.I’ve been clear with Louis that there is nothing romantic between us and there never will be.

Louis must be mistaken. He must be.

“What did... what did her card say?”

Slowly, with deliberation, Louis pulls out a battered Christmas card from his pocket. He waves it at me with a cheeky grin. This fake heart-to-heart we are having makes my skin crawl.

“Says she’sinfatuated.Gets hot every time we cross paths at the hotel. Wants to kiss me under the mistletoe.” He shrugs. “I get why she’s colder this year—we need to build the trust. I didn’t reply to the card, did I? Probably hurt her feelings. But there’s been that spark between us once, and that sort of thing doesn’t just go away. She’s single, she’s made that clear, so...”

I know why he’s telling me this. He’s marking out his territory, playing his move so I know there’s no use me playing mine. Wemay be standing here in smart shirts talking politely, but really we’re fighting like stags.

“Anyway. Wish me luck, lad,” Louis says with a wink, and then he claps me on the arm.

I twitch. I am one scrap of self-control away from spinning around and punching him in the stomach.

“See ya,” he says, strolling away with a smile.

•••••

That’s it. It’s finished. If there’s even anything to finish. I was never hers and she was never mine, so I suppose there’s no break-up here. Just me, opening myself up to someone who’s chosen someone else.

And why wouldn’t she? Despite everything I’ve done, when she looks at me, she sees a man who’s not good enough. And for all the effort I’ve made to fight those feelings, for all the times I’ve hung up on my uncle and told myselfYou’re doing great, it’s really fucking hard to believe I’m worth something when the woman I love thinks acuzãolike Louis is a better man than me.

I look up to find Mr. Townsend watching me. I turn away sharply, aware of the tears in my eyes.

“Son,” he says, “are you all right?”

I breathe out slowly, trying to get control of myself. “No,” I say. “I’m not. I want to go home.”

Izzy

No. No no no no no no no.

Louis and I are in the turret room, at the window where Lucas gave me Brazilian food and introduced me to his family. The sun is setting above the trees, gorgeous in powder pink.

I have the card in my hands.Thecard. It has two cute penguins on the front, both wearing Christmas hats. I never thought I would see this card again.

It’s a lot smaller than I remember. I am holding it with my fingertips, as though at any moment it might explode.

“Louis.”

I open the card and in comes a wave of shame and humiliation as I remember writing it, how brave I’d felt. Putting myself out there. Being bold. Living life to the fullest, just like my parents always wanted.

Dear Lucas, it says.I have a confession to make.

“Louis... this wasn’t your Christmas card.”

For the first time since I’ve known Louis, he looks unsure of himself.

“Pardon?” he says, ducking his head to look at it with me.

“Lucas.” I press my hand to my forehead.Oh my God. “I wrote this forLucas.”

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