Page 101 of The Wake-Up Call

“Oh, yeah, I guess so.”

More echoing, indistinct voices.

“Yeah, he’s still a contender,” she says. “Still in the game. That’s how he’d put it,” she says, and there’s something in her voice I can’t identify—a sort of fondness, maybe, or wryness. “Ugh, it’s been such a mad couple of weeks. Anyway, how are you two? How did Rupe manage the journey?”

I withdraw, clicking the bathroom door shut.

I leave her flat, walking blindly to my car. I think about all the ways I’ve tried to show her the sort of man I am. How I’ve treasured every moment with her, and tried to make her feel treasured, too, and yet still I’m “thatguy.” Good enough to take to bed but not acontender. Not like Louis.

Before this winter, she would just have been proving everything I already felt about myself. But these last few weeks have changed me.I’vechanged me. Now, through the chorus in my head telling me I’m not good enough, there is a small voice saying,Actually... I deserve better than this.

Izzy

What the fuck?

I stare down at the bath, water still glugging down the overflow pipe, and then around at my empty flat.

He just... left?

I know I was gone a while chatting to Grigg and Sameera, but surely he’d pop his head in to say bye if he had to shoot off?

I call Grigg back. He looks unperturbed.

“What did you forget?” he says.

“Lucas left.”

“Left?”

“He’s... gone. Without saying bye. He left the bath running...”

Grigg blinks a few times and then says, “Maybe he’s passed out somewhere?”

“God, maybe,” I say, heading out of the bathroom to check for collapsed Lucases behind sofas and doors. My flat is small—this doesn’t take long. “Nope. Just not here.”

“It must have been an emergency. Have you rung him?”

“No,” I say, feeling stupid. “I rang you.”

“Call him, then call me back, OK?”

He’s gone. I flick to my WhatsApp with Lucas. Above our last exchange—Come to mine later? I’ll be there at eight—is this:

You left your pink socks with fairies on them here.

Are you sure those aren’t yours?

...

Ha OK bring them next time you come over. Or wear them to work? Good conversation-starter?

I actively avoid starting conversations. Conversations find me more often than I would like as it is.

You are so ridiculously grumpy for a man in hospitality.

I warm up sometimes. For some people.

I swallow. It looks... flirty. Coupley, almost. That’s exactly what Sameera and Grigg said on the phone, too.So are you dating now?Sameera had asked, nose wrinkled.When does having nonstop sex become a relationship?

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