Page 14 of The Last Session

I clicked on the Wikipedia page for the movie, pausing at the paragraph labeledDevelopment:

Catherine’s father, Killian (who she became estranged from in her twenties), has widely stated that he got the idea for Stargirl from a dream Catherine told him about. He claimed in interviews that he believed Catherine may have been dreaming about a past life experience—both Killian and Lisette are self-proclaimed Buddhists and believe in reincarnation. Killian shared that Catherine helped him write the script, answering his questions easily about life as a “living goddess” or a temple priestess.

The movie had grossed more than $198 million and had been generally favorably reviewed at the time. There was a section onControversy; apparently feminist and religious groups had rightly blasted the film for its sexualization of a child. Catherine had been thirteen during the filming, and though a body double had been used for nude scenes, her implied sexual relationship with both Sebastian Smith, as the temple guard, and thirty-six-year-old David Cunningham, who’d played the pharaoh, had raised at least some eyebrows. Killian had defended the movie by stating that girls in ancient Egypt were considered marriable adults after their first period.

Whoa. Well, that’s gross.!

Feeling unsettled, I went back to the plot summary:

In ancient Egypt, thirteen-year-old Thuya is a living goddess who resides in the city temple. During a ceremony, she passes out from heat exhaustion and wakes up to hear the pharaoh’s aide questioning her fitness for the job. Back in the temple, Thuya argues with a guard named Hapi. She calls him disrespectful and rude, but softens towards him after he teaches her how to play a logic game. Thuya finds it stimulating in her otherwise tedious life. The pharaoh calls Thuya to his chamber and complains that his wife can’t give him a child. He points to Thuya’s birthmark, which looks like a dotted spiral within a triangle, and says that itshows she has been marked for greatness and that he would like to take her as his wife.

That’swhat the symbol was—Thuya’s birthmark.

Thuya tells Hapi about the pharaoh’s plan and Hapi threatens to kill him with his prized possession: his deceased father’s dagger. During preparations for a festival on the spring equinox, Hapi convinces Thuya to use the confusion of the day to run away with him to a neighboring town. Conflicted because of feelings for the pharaoh, Thuya finally agrees.

Shortly before the festival, a newcomer arrives at the palace, claiming to be a sorcerer. He tells the queen of the affair between Thuya and the pharaoh and advises her to kill Thuya. The sorcerer promises to put a spell on Hapi to get him to fall in love with the queen so that he’ll reveal their escape plans.

Thuya’s mother has a dream of Thuya dying in the desert. She comes to the palace with her husband and demands to see her daughter. But Thuya refuses, angry that her parents gave her up at a young age to the royal court because of her birthmark and red hair.

As Thuya and Hapi escape, the queen’s soldiers stop them. At first Thuya believes Hapi has betrayed her and refuses to follow him. Guards spear him, and he dies in Thuya’s arms while slipping her his knife. The pharaoh appears, confessing he overheard her and Hapi and decided to put an end to their plans. Guards subdue Thuya, take her knife, and leave her in the desert, where she dies.

In the last scene, Thuya opens her eyes to find she’s on a spaceship. She enters a kitchen to see the queen, who smiles and says, “Good morning, Theta.” The camera pans down, showing that Thuya/Theta is clutching Hapi’s dagger behind her back. Then the camera pans out the window and into space, zooming out until the entire galaxy is visible—which matches the birthmark on Thuya’s/Theta’s chest.

Reading the description was bringing the whole melodramatic and problematic movie back. And it also made me remember the real reasonI’d become so fixated on it, a reason I hadn’t shared with anyone, even Melissa.

The truth was that the movie had echoed my own life. Pastor John couldn’t have looked more different from the brooding, muscular pharaoh, but the dynamic had reminded me of us. We’d never had sex, never done anything physical, but in our numerous closed-door meetings in his office, he’d told me things about his wife and marriage. Even, in a roundabout way, their sex life. Things I now knew that no adult man should be telling a thirteen-year-old girl.

The wildest part was that just like the pharaoh, Pastor John would end up abandoning me.

We were between subway stops and the screen froze. I glanced up, noticing the man standing right in front of me was wearing sweatpants with aJaws-like mouth, lined with teeth, on the crotch. Yikes. He noticed me looking, so I went back to the frozen Wikipedia page. Beneath Catherine’s image—her on the red carpet, smoky eyes glittering—it showed her birthday.

October 24, 1991.

Seeing the date made another memory slide into place.

She had the same birthday as me.

9

We’re twins!

On the walk home, I automatically skirted trash and a fighting couple while my mind remained twenty years in the past. I had known this factoid at thirteen, and I now remembered fantasizing about Catherine being my long-lost twin sister. Some of the actual fantasies resurfaced: going to LA for a class trip and passing Catherine on the street, where we’d recognize each other immediately. Or writing her a letter and enclosing my picture—somehow I’d have one of me solemn and gazing off into the distance, like an author photo—and her sending me a plane ticket to LA to come hang out with her and her celebrity friends.

At home, still in the trance, I poured a huge glass of sauvignon blanc and kept digging. First, I searched the more current pictures of Catherine—and found that, no, she didn’t appear to have theStargirltattoo on her upper chest. So she must’ve gotten that within the last few years.

Then I googled older photos. Apparently, I wasn’t the only millennial still thinking about Catherine and Sebastian, because I was able to easily find theStargirlpremiere. He wore an oversized gray suit; she wore a sparkly purple dress and platform shoes. Searching Instagram tags led me to accounts with scanned images of old articles fromTiger BeatandYM. Some I’d actually read. Many of the fluffy interviews focused on Catherine’s relationship with “bad boy” Sebastian Smith.

“He’s definitely more adventurous than me!” Catherine said, giggling. “But I love it; he gets me out of my comfort zone. And I do the same for him!”

Oh yes—he’d been the bad boy to her quirky cool girl. She’d worn velvet bell-bottoms and neon sunglasses and chunky stacks of bracelets.I remembered going to thrift stores and trying to put together similar outfits that were woeful imitations at best. But I’d thought that if I could just look the part, my Sebastian would come.

Their relationship had been relatively short-lived, though maybe that was to be expected at such a young age. A few years later, she was linked to a pop-punk singer, twenty-two years old to her fifteen. Three years with him, then on to another actor, ten years her senior, who she was with for two years.

In her early twenties, she’d started getting DUIs and falling out of limos. Her Wikipedia page had a whole section on her trips to rehab. As well as her estrangement with her father, who’d been her manager until they parted ways.

In her late twenties she’d filmed the pilot for a show. It was supposed to be her comeback role, playing a former child star who’d become a high school teacher. It hadn’t been picked up. Another rehab stint at thirty. And then… no further info. No Wikipedia section on why she’d been wandering the expressway in new clothes, her fingertips bloody, her brain turned off like a lamp.

I paused to get more wine, my mind spinning. Would Catherine now remember what had happened to her? And would she tell us?

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