Page 142 of The Last Session

“I don’t know.” I sat on the floor, suddenly exhausted. “I was just reading about these shamans in India who can stop their own hearts. And then start them again. Isn’t that wild? I wonder if you could do that to someone else. Make their hearts stop.”

“Who knows.” He shifted. “You know, we should go to India someday.”

“Yeah right.” I snorted.

He shrugged, clearly wanting to take it back.

“Okay, sure. I’ll go with you.” Steven’s always loved me. He’d do anything for me. It’s sweet. But I’m never going to love him back. Maybe before I could’ve, but now there’s a hole inside of me and the sounds coming out of it are so loud I can’t hear anything else.

“After Mexico?” he asked.

“After Mexico.” That made me smile. Ever since Ella brought photos to school in eighth grade from her trip to Cancún, I’d fantasized about being there. The palm trees, the white sand, the endless blue ocean… I could smell the sunscreen, feel the gentle breeze.

Mom let out a snore at the table.

“Is that his?” Steven motioned with his chin. “Was it, I mean? Jason’s?”

I was holding a weathered baseball in my hand.

“Yeah.” I rolled it towards Ranger, who whimpered and backed away.

“Oh, hey.” Steven pulled a camera from his backpack. He trained it on me, smiling faintly. “Say cheese.”

The flashes blinded me, though I kept the grin plastered on my face. If I stopped for even a split second, that’s the picture they’d use.

Sebastian squeezed my hand. He knew how much I hated premieres. And this would be the worst one of all. I’d have to sit there in a theater filled with hundreds of people, including my parents, and watch myself—well, my body double, Sophia, who looks exactly like me—naked on the screen.

We’d drunk tequila and smoked weed in the limo, and it had softened the panic a little bit, but not enough. I’d had to fight Dad not to take me as his date; that’s what he’d wanted. But in a rare show of resistance, Mom told him it wouldn’t look right. For once he’d listened to her.

I wondered if anyone would know we were high; we’d used eye drops, but they didn’t always work. Nothing to do but let Sebastian lead me. The chaos of journalists and fans was like a hurricane whirling around us. It slowed a little as we paused in front of the backdrop to pose. Sebastian picked up my hand to kiss it, and the clicks increased. He’d cried in the car, but I’d been too numb to do or say much of anything.

This movie had started with my dreams, but it wasn’t really about me. Dad had taken it over, controlling it, like he did to everything. I hadn’t wanted to be in it. I didn’t want to be an actor, period, but when I was eight I’d told Mom and he’d locked me in my room for a full day.

I should’ve realized back then my life isn’t really mine. Maybe if I had a sibling, someone else to take up some of his attention, it wouldn’t be this way. But it probably would. I’m his favorite, no matter what. People tell me how lucky I am that he’s so invested in me. They don’t realize it’s actually a curse.

“I’ve got some coke,” Sebastian whispered as we finally walked into the theater.

“Good.” It would help me feel more awake; currently I just wanted to lie down on the red carpet and sleep. I closed my eyes, but this time they wouldn’t open. Sebastian gripped my arm. “Cath, what are you—” But his hand and voice were suddenly ripped away.

“Time to wake up.”

I jerked upright and almost fell off the tiny cot. I was in a small, circular space, the ceiling too low for me to sit up fully. The pitch black softened into the barest amount of light. There was nothing in this space—just me, the cot, and what looked like a chair carved into the floor.

“Would you like to rest longer?” the female voice asked. “I thought you wanted to keep on a regular sleep cycle.”

“It’s okay.” I cleared my throat. Where was I? Whose voice was this? It seemed to be coming from all around me.

“Sit and I’ll open the window,” she instructed. I slipped out of thecot and dropped into the chair. The blackness in front of me melted into the unmistakable view of space.

Was this a ride? It seemed like something they’d have at Disney…

Then I remembered. I was in the cave, and this was a dream. OfcourseI was dreaming of space. It’s howStargirlended, wasn’t it? I just had to watch out for that knife.

“No knives on board,” the voice said. “Unnecessary for food preparation.”

“Great.” And I realized that I felt full, comfortably so. It was a relief from the jagged shards of hunger.

It all locked into place: this was a future life. We were sometime far in the future. But why was I alone? The memories were cloudy, trapped behind warped glass. I’d been on a ship with others, but…

---