Page 124 of An Unexpected Love

She lowered her lashes. “Yes…but they’ve frightened me.”

“I never forced you.”

“I… I know that. You’ve been so patient and gentle. I almost convinced myself I could make love again…that I could erase those nightmare years with Tom and start all over…but I can’t. That’s why I ran away…that’s the real reason, not what I told you earlier.”

“Why couldn’t you tell me this before?”

She wiped the tears from her face, and swallowed the bittersweet agony of the moment. “Because I love you so much.”

Her words were met with a puzzled hesitation. “You wouldn’t tell me because you love me?”

She nodded, and hiccuped a sobbing laugh. “It sounds ludicrous, I know, but it’s true. Because I couldn’t stand to lose you—not that way. Because if we ever did make love, you’d see—you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

“How could you think that?” Jason asked.

This was the moment she’d dreaded. The moment of truth. She turned her head away, unwilling to look at him, unwilling to let him see her face. A tightness gripped her chest, crushing her, the pressure so intense she could hardly breathe.

“Charlotte?”

It would’ve been easier if he hadn’t been so gentle. She could deal with his anger and frustration, but not his tenderness. She didn’t know how to respond to that in a man.

Shoving aside the blanket and sheet, she sat on the edge of the bed. When he caressed her back, she stood, unable to deal with being touched just then. Her arms were locked around her middle and the aching pressure in her chest rose, settling in her throat. Tears burned her eyes.

“Tell me,” he demanded, not unkindly. “Just say it.”

“I can’t be your wife.”

“It’s too late for that,” he murmured. “You already are.”

“I’m not…not in the ways that matter to a man.”

“Oh?”

“Don’t you understand what I’m saying?” she cried. “Do I have to spell out every degrading detail? Is that what you want? Then fine, I’ll say it. I can’t be your wife because I can’t make love.” She gulped in a deep breath. “I’m frigid, Jason. The term might be out of fashion but it still applies.”

There was a brief, shocked silence. Then Jason started to laugh.

“Don’t you dare laugh at me! Don’t you dare laugh.” A fury rose inside Charlotte, one that had been years in the making, one so strong there was no holding back. She threw herself at him, arms swinging, feet kicking, fingers clawing, before he had a chance to react.

He caught her by the wrists. “Charlotte… I wasn’t laughing atyou.”

She barely heard his words, not that it mattered. She twisted and bucked in his hold. He twisted, too, and with the momentum of his weight they fell together onthe bed. He was sprawled over her upper body, his thigh across her legs, holding her down.

Her chest was heaving, her shoulders jerking upward in an effort to escape.

“Charlotte, for heaven’s sake, I wasn’t laughing at you,” he said again.

She gritted her teeth, refusing to answer him.

“Stop struggling, before you destroy any chance of my fathering our future child.”

She went still, although the fight hadn’t completely left her.

“Now let me explain.”

There were too many years of agony inside her, too many insecurities to be soothed away with a few simple words. “No. Just let me go.”

“In a minute. Then if you still want me to release you I will. You owe me this much. All right?”

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