Page 53 of An Unexpected Love

“It’s that crazy wedding dress again,” Jill confessed.

“The wedding dress?”

“I should never have worn it.”

“Jill!” Shelly exclaimed, then frowned. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“It clouded my judgment. I was always the romantic one, remember? Always a sucker for a good love story. When Milly first mailed you the dress, I thought it was the neatest thing to happen since low-fat ice cream.”

“Not true! Remember how you persuaded me—”

“I know what I said,” Jill interrupted. “But deep down, I could hardly wait to see what happened. When you and Mark decided to marry, I was thrilled. Later, after I arrived in Hawaii and you had the dress delivered to me, I kind of allowed myself to play along with the fantasy. I’ve wanted to get married for a long time. I’d like to have children.”

“Jill,” Shelly said, looking puzzled, “I’m not sure I follow you.”

“I think I might even have felt a little…jealous that you got married before I did. I was the one who wanted a husband, not you, and yet here you were, so much in love. Somehow it just didn’t seem fair.” The tears slipped down her cheeks and she absently brushed them away.

“But you’re married now and Jordan’s crazy about you.”

“He was for about a week, but that’s worn off.”

“He loves you!”

“Yes, I suppose in his own way he does.” Jill didn’t have the strength to argue. “But not enough.”

“Not enough?”

“It’s too hard to explain,” she said. “I came over to tell you I’ve made a decision.” As hard as she tried, she couldn’t keep herself from sobbing, “I’ve decided to leave Jordan.”

Ten

Shelly’s eyes narrowed with disbelief. “You can’t possibly mean that!”

Leaving Jordan wasn’t a decision Jill had made lightly. She’d agonized over it for days. Unable to answer her friend, she pushed back her hair with hands that wouldn’t stop shaking. Her stomach was in knots. “It just isn’t going to work. I need some time away from him to sort through my feelings. I don’twantto leave, but I’m afraid I’ll just fall apart if I stay.”

Shelly had never been one to disguise her feelings. Anger flashed from her eyes. “You haven’t given the marriage a decent chance. It hasn’t even been two months.”

“I know everything I need to know. Jordan isn’t married to me, he’s married to his company. Shelly, you’re my best friend—but there are things you don’t know, things I can’t explain about what’s happening between me and Jordan. Things that go back to my childhood and being raised the way I was.”

“You love him.”

Jill closed her eyes and nodded. She did love Jordan,so much her heart was breaking, so much she didn’t know if she’d survive leaving him, so much she doubted she’d ever love this deeply again.

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Jill continued, choking over the words. “I wanted you to know…because I’m going to be living with my mother for a while. Just until I can sort through my feelings and figure out what I’m going to do.”

“Have you told him yet?” Shelly’s voice sounded less sharp.

“No.” Jill had delayed that as long as possible, not knowing what to say or how to say it. This wasn’t a game, or an attempt to manipulate Jordan into devoting more time to her and their marriage. She refused to fall into that trap. If she was going to make the break, she wanted it to be clean. Decisive. Not cluttered with threats.

“Youdoplan to tell him?”

“Of course.” She could never be so cowardly as to move out while Jordan was at the office. Besides, the sorry truth was that she might be gone for days before he noticed.

Confronting him wasn’t a task she relished. She could predict his reaction—he’d be furious with her, more furious than she’d ever seen him. Jill was prepared for that. But in the end he would let her go as if she meant nothing to him. His pride would demand that.

“When do you plan to tell him?” Shelly asked softly, seeming to understand for the first time Jill’s torment. A true sign of their friendship was that Shelly didn’t ply her with questions, but accepted Jill’s less-than-satisfactory explanation.

“Tonight.” She hadn’t packed yet, but she intended to do that when she got home.

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