Page 88 of The ABCs of You & Me

Walking to the living room, I sink down onto the couch, my hands sliding over my flat stomach. Remembering the joy I’d felt for a short time at the thought of having a baby. It had been the right decision in the end. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still wonder what could have been.

When Foster had brought up kids the other day, he’d done it so innocently, and I’d shut down. I hate that I reacted that way, especially because he’d never mean anything malicious by it.

I sit here, my imagination replacing the unpleasant memories. Foster swaying back and forth in front of the big front window, talking softly to the newborn in his arms. A tuft of red hair poking out of a tiny hat. Foster running down the street after a little kid on a bike, laughing as he smiles back at me. Foster telling me he’s got it when the baby cries in the middle of the night. He’d be such a good dad. He’s never said that’s what he wants, though. Just because he works with kids doesn’t mean he wants kids of his own.

Do you want kids?

I text before I think better of it. I may as well get this question out of the way, before letting my mind spend a second longer in imagination land.

I watch as three dots appear and disappear over and over again until a simple answer finally appears.

Foster

Yes

Then I stare at his reply until the letters become illegible.

THIRTY-SEVEN

FOSTER

I thought about Sophie’s text until sleep finally took me into dreamland. But even there I couldn’t escape it. Sophie beaming at me telling me she’s pregnant, me crying and sweeping her off her feet. A slideshow of beautiful possibilities until I woke at four a.m. wondering how the hell I was going to afford a baby, hypothetical or not, on an EA’s salary.You should have gone back to real school, I can hear my mom saying.

I’d gotten up, put on my running stuff, and hit the pavement well before the birds had even begun to sing. And now as I turn the corner back to my apartment, I feel like Sophie has thrown a big ol’ wrench in my plan to not get too attached. Although I’m delusional if I think I’m not attached. She had me hooked from the first smile she sent in my direction.

Gary doesn’t greet me at the door, and something immediately feels off. I don’t bother taking my shoes off as I walk further into the apartment. He’s by the window, in his usual spot, but he’s flat on his side. I can see that he’s breathing, but the squirrel is sitting outside and Gary doesn’t seem to care. I’ve never seen him not take issue with his nemesis, so alarm bells start going off in my head. Without thinking I pull my phone out of my pocket and immediately dial Cass’s number.

“Someone better be dying,” she croaks. “Or dead.”

“It’s Gary. I think something’s wrong?”

Now fully awake, she fires off questions, “What’s he doing? Is he puking? Does he have the runs? Lethargic?”

“He’s breathing, flat on his side. But the squirrel is at the window, and he’s not losing his mind like he usually does. He also didn’t meet me at the door, and he always does.”

“Did he eat something he shouldn’t have? Anything new missing?”

I look around unsure of what he could have eaten that would cause him to be sick or in pain, or both. “Not that…” I stop abruptly and walk to the coffee table. Sophie had taken her hair out of an elastic last night because it was giving her a headache. She’d left it on the table, but it’s gone now. “I think he may have eaten Sophie’s hair elastic.”

“Get him to the emergency vet right now, Foster.” Cass’s tone is serious, and because it’s rarely serious I’m already pulling his carrier down from the closet before she even gets to my name.

When I pick him up, he yowls at me. “Sorry, bud.” I wince as he lets out another sorrowful meow.

“That’s an unhappy cat,” I hear Cass say from where my phone is sitting on the chair next to me. “Okay, there’s an emergency vet on Rymal. I sent you the address. I’ll call and tell them you’re on your way. Are you going to be alright?”

“Thanks. I’ll be fine.” I’m a bit calmer now knowing there is somewhere I can take him.

“Keep me updated.”

“Will do,” I say before hanging up, grabbing my keys and running out of my apartment.

It’s six thirty a.m., and I’m the only one sitting in the waiting room. The magazines are all from at least six years ago, everything and everyone within their pages already old news. I’ve paced so much my watch has congratulated me on reaching my step goal for the day and then suggested I take a break.

I’m about to get up and start pacing again when the front door opens and Sophie rushes in. Her hair pulled back and lopsided, pieces of it coming out everywhere. Pajama pants with little stars peek out beneath her long coat, like she’d gotten the call and come here straight from bed. My heart stutters at the thought of her rushing to be by my side for my cat.

“Oh my god, how is he?” she frets breathlessly, sitting in the chair next to mine.

I blink back stupidly. “What are you doing here?”

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