Page 71 of The ABCs of You & Me

“No, we had this moment. Like if I’d stepped closer, something would have happened.”

“Did youwantsomething to happen?” she questions in a low voice as another customer slips past us.

“Yes? No? Maybe?”God, yes.

“Classic trifecta of doubt. Do you thinkhewanted something to happen?” I think of how his face looked after I’d studied him in his bedroom. How he told me I wasn’t allowed to touch anything. His eyes on my lips after I’d finished the bite of pasta he’d fed me.

Maya’s laughter brings me back to the lighting aisle of the store. “I’ll take everything that happened as a giant yes.” She cackles as she pulls me into the pillow aisle. “Why don’t you get down in the sheets with him to see? Be honest about what it is. You need a good railing, but you want to do it with someone you trust.”

I’m aghast. Agog. “Maya.” I look up and down the empty aisle, half expecting to see someone looking equally shocked by what she just suggested.

“What? No one heard me. Pillows dampen sound.”

“Are you suggesting I propose a friends-with-benefits kind of relationship?”

She shrugs. “Sure, if you wanna label it.”

“Those never work!” I hiss.

“Sure they do.”

“Give me one example.”

“Well, there’s…” She thinks for a minute. “Trav and Kyle, and… Darren and Steph.”

“Trav was heartbroken when Kyle got a boyfriend, and Darren and Steph are married with a kid now.”

“Well, then I’d argue that Darren and Steph’s worked great.”

“I mean, someone usually gets hurt.”

“Or you end up getting married. It’s the same risk you take in any relationship.”

When I don’t answer. Maya rolls her eyes and makes a frustrated noise.

“Listen, what are you going to do if he finds someone and moves on and you don’t get any time? You either do something now or you risk staying in the friend-zone forever. That’s something you’re going to have to come to terms with eventually. You can’t keep going on these dates forever.”

She’s right, of course.

“They aren’t dates. They’re outings. They’re… I don’t know, a series of challenges to see who can come up with something next.”

She glares back. “Can I come on one of these outings? Seeing as how they’re not dates and all.”

No! It’s my time with Foster. “Sure,” I say nonchalantly, adding an exaggerated shrug.

Lying to Maya is virtually impossible if she asks me something outright and I can see the words liar flash back at me in her gaze. “I don’t think this place has Davis-proof lamps,” she says, walking toward the front of the store.

Sleep evaded me last night, and I felt like I let my kids down in every single appointment. I also haven’t seen Foster since Saturday, and I miss his face and his voice. I miss him in his entirety. How would I feel if he started seeing someone? I’d be devastated.

Now sitting in my car outside of the community rink where his friends are all waiting inside for me, I can’t seem to move. It’s five minutes after he told me to arrive, and I’m sitting here staring at my steering wheel wondering if I should propose the arrangement Maya seems set on for me. The thing is, I’m not even sure if it’s sex I need from him, or anyone. I think what I’m after is deeper, what I was starved of for years. Sex was always there, and it’s not what I miss. It’s not what I’m craving.

A knock on my window causes me to jump. A pair of amber eyes peer at me through the window.

“Sorry, I was lost in thought,” I confess, stepping out of the car.

“You’re allowed to be.” He steps back, giving me space before turning and walking beside me toward the building.

“Sorry I’m late,” I apologize.

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