Page 74 of The ABCs of You & Me

“Shit, I hadn’t really gotten that far yet. I should have waited until I knew.” I can feel myself begin to spiral. I’m such an idiot for not thinking this through more. I have a master’s degree. A fucking master’s degree and I’m charged with helping kids navigate tough shit, and I didn’t even think of what my boundaries would be when I broached this subject.

Ripping my hands out of Foster’s, I stand and begin pacing.

“Hey.” He’s up a second later and pulling me to him. One minute I’m walking and the next he’s got his arms around me, pulling me tightly into his body. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? You can tell me what you’re not into or what you would like. You don’t have to have a list prepared right now. We’ll get you to wherever you need to be.”

THIRTY-ONE

FOSTER

I’m doing my best to stay calm. But it’s taking every bit of strength I have because Sophie Hore just asked me for… well, I’m not even sure what. Intimacy lessons? I told her we’ll figure out what she needs together, but I’m totally in the weeds here too. It’s not like I teach this kind of thing. I help kids manage emotions and get their schoolwork done. Now I’ll be helping Sophie manage her libido? No, that’s not right. This is about more than sex, something deeper, and she’s asking me because she trusts me.

She relaxes in my arms, and I step back while maintaining contact, my hands sliding over hers.

“Is this okay?”

She looks up at me like I’ve lost my mind. We’ve touched more than this when we are around other people. She’s probably wondering why I’m asking if now it’s okay.

“Yes, this is fine. It’s nice.”

When she doesn’t look like she’s questioning all her life choices anymore, I guide her back to the couch, sitting a little closer this time and keeping our hands locked.

“So I can hold your hand. And I can hug you?”

“Yes,” she confirms. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“What are your boundaries or needs or…” That blush again. Pure torture.

“It’s not about what I need, Soph. This is about what you’re asking for.”

She shakes her head, her expression hardening. “No, I won’t use you like that. You have to be getting something out of it, or I won’t be able to get into char—” She trails off. “No, that’s not the right word. I won’t be able to absorb anything if I’m constantly worried that you’re not getting something out of it.”

Good lord, her ex really did a number on her.

I slide my hands to the sides of her face and into her hair. “What I get out of it is helping you, giving you something you need and have been starved of.”Being with you, touching you, maybe kissing you, tasting you.“I’m not totally selfless, sunshine. Trust me.”

I watch those pretty blue eyes dip quickly to my lips and fight the urge to pull her to me. Instead, I tip her head down and give her a soft kiss on her forehead. It’s the second time I’ve kissed her on the head, and it’s somehow the hottest kiss I’ve ever experienced.

Her hand comes up and gently wraps around my right wrist, my lips break contact with her head as she twists and lays her own kiss to my palm. Scratch the head kiss—this, this right here is the hottest kiss I’ve ever experienced.

“I should go,” I force out, even though I want to stay like this for the foreseeable future.

She sits back, and the space between us suddenly feels like the Marianas Trench. “School night, I guess.”

Leaving is hard. It feels like we are moving into something, and the last thing I want to do is walk away from it right now. But at the same time, I need to do that. What she’s asking for isn’t what my body is desperately asking for. So we say our goodbyes, and I force my feet to move out of the house and to my car. I don’t remember the drive home. All I’m thinking about is how I’m going to make this work so when she’s ready to move onto something real with someone good enough for her, I don’t end up with my heart broken.

“Do you have any good date ideas starting with J?” I ask Jessica through a yawn the next afternoon while the kids are reading. I spent most of last night reading about intimacy online and coming up with a game plan. It’s not something I can really plan for, though. Just go with how she’s responding or recognizing what she may need, including listening if she needs to talk. Basically what I’ve been doing, but with some extra physical contact if that’s what she needs.

“For you and Sophie to do?” she asks without even looking up from her marking.

Apparently everyone in the school thinks we are dating, something Sophie seemed fine with, so I’m going along with it. Probably because I’m fine with it too.

“Yeah.”

“Why J?” she says, looking over at me. “Wait!” She sits up straighter. “You’re not doing alphabet dates, are you?”

“We may be doing that,” I concede.

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