Page 25 of The ABCs of You & Me

“I say embrace the different. Especially when it’s the kind of different that gets you more time with Foster. And I know, I know, you’re not ready. But there is nothing wrong with testing the waters. Consider this practice for what a healthy relationship looks like.”

“Maya, we arepretendingto be a couple. I’m not sure that’s healthy.”

“It is if it’s for your own sanity. His friends stop throwing women at him, and Asshat McPrickface thinks you’ve moved on and he hates it.” She does have a point there. Although I’ve been wrestling with some not-so-great feelings since last night. He may be annoyed that I appear to have moved on, but seeing him had a negative impact on me both mentally and physically. It felt good being out with Foster, but the happy mask slipped off the minute he drove away. It’s exhausting to act fine. It’s hard to feel extreme happiness because I’m with one of my favorite people while also feeling like I have to be on guard for certain behaviors and fearing that I’ll miss the signs again because someone is making me feel good.

“Listen.” Maya takes my hand. “I know there’s a lot you haven’t told me, but if you are ever ready, I’m here and I promise to keep my judgments locked up, unless you want them.”

“I love you, do you know that? Like a whole lot.”

“Yes, I do. You’re not capable of half-love, Soph. You love with every atom of your being.”

That’s one of my fucking problems.

At home I flop down on the couch and let my mind wander instead of tackling the two laundry baskets of clean clothes that need to be folded and put away. I’m tired. Between the lack of sleep the past couple of nights and the anxiety of preparing for the gala, it feels like my entire body is about to shut down.

I’m swamped but nowhere near as swamped as the educational assistants. I’d heard how bad things were, but I don’t think it sunk in until I witnessed it. There are sixteen students who require physical or mental assistance. Many require both, and there are only six EAs. My tiredness is nothing compared to theirs.

Last Wednesday, I ran into Principal Wong in the hall after walking with Pete back to class. She caught me lingering outside the classroom as I watched Foster welcome him back. She told me that when Foster had arrived at the school two years ago Pete was drawn to him immediately. Foster claims it’s because they’re both gingers, I think it’s because Foster has that something. When he’s around, it feels like things are going to be okay. I don’t think I realized how badly I was in need of that until recently.

In our session on Friday, Pete told me he’s scared about leaving the school or Foster changing schools because he makes it easier to be there. Pete’s teacher informed me one day at lunch that his self-confidence has improved noticeably since Foster’s arrival, and for math and science he was confident enough that Foster was able to go assist other students. The other EAs seem just as passionate about ensuring their students get to experience school as normally as possible. And despite being short-staffed, I’ve been amazed at how they come together to support one another.

I wake up on the couch with every muscle screaming at me. Blinking sleep from my eyes, I flip my phone over. It’s six thirty, and I’ve missed two calls from my mom. I’ll call her tomorrow morning, probably bright and early since I’ve fucked over any chance I have of sleeping tonight.You get to hang out with Foster tomorrow, a little voice cheers. I let myself sink back into the couch with that thought soothing me.

THIRTEEN

FOSTER

Sunday morning arrives, and I finally feel the past week in my body. A decent sleep last night was helpful, but one night of sleep is not going to make up for several busy days and restless nights in a row.

Forcing myself out of bed, I change into my sweats, slip on my running shoes, grab my headphones, and head out into the dawn of April first for a quick five-kilometer run. Up with the sun in five-degree weather. I really am the king of fools today. When I turn back onto my road, Styx filters through the headphones and I slow my pace to “Renegade.” My sister says I have the playlist of a middle-aged man, but it’s what gets me moving.

My phone vibrates while I’m stretching, and when I see who it is, I stop immediately.

Sunshine

What kind of booze should I bring? I picked up a bottle of red, white, rose, and Prosecco. Or is that not boozy enough?

You don’t have to bring anything. I’ve got us covered.

Foster, I can’t show up without a sacrificial bottle of something. I want to be invited back.

She wants to be invited back.

Before I can answer, a text from Cass pops up.

LilWalsh

I have to bail on a concert I have tickets to with Sophie. I'm going to suggest she asks you to go. DO IT.

What concert?

Does it matter?

Of course not, but I’m not telling her that.

Yes.

Nyx Avalon on Thursday night.

---