Page 53 of Sunsets & Slow Dances

“No drinking. No dating. No dick, remember?”

I was relieved that I had given myself an out, and make no mistake, that is exactly what it was. An out. An excuse. Something to hide behind so that I didn’t have to put myself out there and risk getting hurt. I didn’t have to put myself or my heart on the line since I was on a detox. A substance and situationship sabbatical, if you please.

“You made that resolutionbeforeyou knew your ex was back in town,” Ashley said, as if that made a difference. “I believe that renders the conditions null and void due to mitigating circumstances.”

“Mitigating circumstances?” I questioned.

Ashley shrugged as she placed her hand on her belly. “I’ve been watching a lot of Suits because growing a human is hard, and I’ve had a lot of downtime lately.”

“Well, Suits legalese or not, technically, I saw Callum the night before I made them.”

Ashley scrunched her face as she hummed. “Hmm, yeah, but you didn’t think it was really him, so it didn’t count.”

“What are you two whispering conspiratorially about?” Zoe demanded as she returned from the bathroom.

“Callum,” I confessed.

“Have you told him yet?” Zoe asked.

Zoe was the sole human on the planet who knew the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth regarding mine and Callum’s final breakup.

“Tell him what?” Ashley questioned.

I remained quiet.

“Youhaveto tell him the truth,” Zoe insisted, just like she had ten years ago.

“The truth. Wait, what truth?” Ashley’s eyes bounced between Zoe and me. “What is this about the truth?”

“Truth? This sounds juicy.” Daphne returned with our drinks and handed them out. After a chorus of thank yous, she demanded, “What did I miss?”

“Nadia was just about to share with the class what thetruthis that she is keeping from Callum.” Ashley waved her arm across the table, indicating I had the floor.

“This is Zoe’s day,” I deflected. “It’s not about me.”

“If it’s my day, thenplease,share with the class. If you won’t listen to me, which after ten years I think we can safely say is the case, then maybe we can take a vote and majority wins, or even plan a coup and overtake you.”

I sighed and leaned in closer, making sure that no one was in ear range of our conversation if I was speaking at a low volume. “In my senior year of college, the plan was that I was going to move out to Arizona and get a job teaching after I graduated. We were going to get married, and Callum was going to continue fighting and training. Then, right before Christmas, we broke up over something stupid, which was normal; we always broke up and then a week or two later got back together.”

“That sounds…” Daphne looked between Zoe, Ashley, and me.

“Toxic,” I filled in the blank. “Yeah, it was. We were young, and I was really dramatic, and for some reason, he put up withit. Anyway, we never saw other people during the times we were ‘broken up.’ In fact, we never even stopped talking to each other or seeing each other. Basically nothing changed except the label. It was ridiculous. It was just this stupid drama we’d play out. It was a little worse in college because we were long distance, but we still always got back together within two weeks. This time, though, Callum’s dad passed away a week into our breakup.

“I came home from college, and he came home from Arizona. I went to the funeral with him, his mom, and Buzz. We didn’t say we were back together, but, like always, we were acting like we were a couple.” I leaned forward and lowered my voice. “Then, the day after the funeral, Callum and his mom found out about his dad’s affair in the will, so I left to go home and give them some privacy. For some reason, I opened my mom’s mail and found an overdue bill from a hospital stay, then found more paperwork from some doctor’s appointments. The upshot was my mom was sick. Really sick. She was going to need in-home care. I couldn’t afford it. That’s when I knew I was going to have to move back home and take care of her. I knew if I told Callum about my mom, he would insist on moving back with me so we could be together and he could help me, but I couldn’t let him do that. I knew that he would be miserable living here, especially after he’d just found out about his dad’s affair and that he had a whole other family with Danielle.

“In high school, all he talked about was leaving Firefly. Heneverwanted to live here. I went over to his house that night to get my stuff and tell him it was over, really over, but he wasn’t taking me seriously. Why would he? We’d broken up dozens of times. So, I went back home and went to bed. I was exhausted emotionally. I woke up around three and went to check on my mom, but she wasn’t in her bed. I walked out onto the porch and found Jerry Clemons passed out on my lawn. I woke him up, and he asked to come in and use the bathroom. He barely made itone step inside before he threw up all over himself. I got him as cleaned up as I could, let him crash on the couch in his boxers, and I washed and dried his clothes and then went back to bed. Alone.

“A few hours later, he must have woken up and found his clean clothes sitting in a pile neatly stacked beside him because he got up and was getting dressed as he left my house. At that exact moment, Callum, who couldn’t sleep the night before because he was upset over how we left things, came over to talk to me again and saw Jerry leaving at six in the morning, which would have been bad enough, but his pants were unzipped and he was putting his shirt on.

“When Callum confronted me about it, I could see how hurt he was. I wanted to tell him the truth so bad, to assure him nothing happened, but I knew if I did that, we would just end up getting back together. Callum would end up moving back home to help me take care of my mom, and then we would end up staying in that toxic cycle of an unhealthy relationship, and he would most likely end up resenting me for him giving up his dreams. So, I didn’t deny it. I let him believe that I slept with Jerry. And he left that night, and the next time I saw or spoke to him was when he was dropping off Matty at the school a few weeks ago.”

I let out a breath as my shoulders dropped. That was the first time I’d ever told that story in its entirety out loud. It felt like such a relief to get it off my chest, to speak it into the world, however silly that sounded. I’d heard that secrets can eat away at you, and I wondered if this one had. I thought it wouldn’t because I’d done it for the right reasons. For good, not evil.

Daphne and Ashley were both staring at me with a blank look. Zoe’s expression was still skewed toward disapproval.

“So, he still, to this day, thinks you hooked up with Jerry?” Daphne asked.

I nodded.

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