Page 121 of This Monster of Mine

Cisuré’s brown eyes held hers for a moment, emotion bleeding from them.

When she spoke, each word was devoid of inflection. “So you’re telling me that Kadra is this protective of anemptyhome.”

It took everything in Sarai to remain expressionless. “It’s his home. He values his privacy.”

“But that isn’t true, is it?” The other girl’s voice held a hard edge. “Because he brought you there.”

“Only until I find a house of my own—”

In a blur of movement, Cisuré shoved her against the folly wall. She pulled back her sleeve with a sneer. “Liar.”

Sarai went stock-still at the sight ofzostagleaming on Cisuré’s armilla. She’d been Examining her.

“I’ve spent weeks hearing about how he watches you like a wolf, and your little fascination with him is soobvious.” Cisuré’s words came faster and faster until each one was a hiss. “I was hoping I could trust you, but he’s gotten to you. What did you find in his tower?”

“I honestly found nothing relevant.”

A weaker woman would have quailed at the disgusted look Cisuré shot her. “That isn’t for you to decide. What. Did. You. Find?” At her silence, the other girl’s grip tightened on her shoulders. “Are you really going to be this foolish? Losing everything for a man?”

“I would have done the same for you!”

“And you can’t do that if the Metals Guild kills you!” Cisuré yelled, and, for a moment, her friend of old seemed to resurface past the ice-cold woman before her. “Just stop! You could escape Kadra’s thumb and advocate to Tetrarch Aelius. Shape the law the way you’ve always wanted. You’ll be safe—”

“Safe from who?” Sarai snapped. “Aelius and Tullus knew the rods were faulty! How much do you know, Cisuré? Are they powerful madmen I should follow at every cost? Or wise, benevolent rulers who can do no wrong? Have you even decided? I’ve doubted Kadra over and over. But have you ever doubted Aelius?”

Cisuré went white. A gravid silence hovered between them, the gulf yawning wider with each breath. There was no bridging it.

“He’s my Tetrarch,” Cisuré finally said. “He’s only ever been good to me.”

She stared at the sky to halt the flow of tears. “I need you to believe me. Aelius’s former Petitor was pulverized to death like I nearly was. SeveralPetitors realized that the scuta were a lie and that Aelius and Tullus were likely behind it. Then, they were suddenly dead.Havïd, even Othus died the same way.”

Cisuré’s pupils quivered. Bewilderment passed over her face, before morphing into anger. “You promised me you wouldn’t dig into Sidran Tower,” she whispered.

Sarai blinked. “You knew Othus was connected to my Fall?”

“You broke your promise.” Cisuré looked like she couldn’t believe it, like Sarai had somehow done her a grave wrong. “Youliedto me. I thought the gods had taught you better than to dash headlong into things after your Fall. But you’ll never stop.”

Sarai’s last tether to sanity snapped.

“Don’t turn what happened to me into some moralistic lesson,” she snarled. “I was fourteen, Cisuré. What were the gods punishing me for?”

“They probably didn’t want you to turn out as you have.” Tears welled in the other girl’s eyes. She wiped at her face. “But you’ll see the truth soon. I’ll make you see it if I have to.”

Cisuré departed without a backward glance. Only once her silhouette had vanished did Sarai release the sobs building in her chest. Turning in the direction of the journeying moons, she counted her paces back to Aoran Tower. Each one a shattered fragment of a friendship that had run its course.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Sarai trudged inside Aoran Tower, noting the darkness underneath the door to Kadra’s study. Just as well that he wasn’t home. Having him see her break again was just embarrassing at this point. She’d spent years without a single tear, and now she had a fountain of them.

To think that an eternity ago, when she’d first entered this study, it had been with the intention of ruining Kadra. It felt ridiculous now.

Dropping the illusion, she watched her joints shift, those hated scars crawling over her fingers like white vines. A strangled sound left her throat, part sob, part scream. She slid down the length of the door, tucking her chin to her chest, and wept into her knees, drawing in painful drags of air.

Memories flitted behind her closed eyes of her and Cisuré sneaking out bottles of Cretus’s wine, giggling together and planning the future they’d intended to seek in Edessa. She stared at the new void in her life with incomprehension and mounting anger. Years of friendship shattered, and for what?

After what felt like hours, her eyes ran dry. She got up, sapped of strength.

The stairs were a vaguely formed blur in the dark. With her luck, she’d likely lose her footing and tumble down. She padded to one of Kadra’s couches instead. Sinking onto it, she jumped upon encountering a muscular thigh beneath her own. A hand clamped around her mouth, smothering her half-formed scream.

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