Page 76 of This Monster of Mine

Numb, she endured Decimus’s gratitude, refusing when he offered her Jovian’s scutum in recompense. “I couldn’t, your brother must have waited months for this.”

A long while later, she excused herself to head outside. Untethering Caelum, she realized she was shaking. To enter the sanctum of another’shead was a dangerous talent that demanded prudence. Its abuse carried severe punishment. If Helvus brought a petition—which he still might—she’d go to the mines.I really fucked up.

Quiet footsteps drew close. She hadn’t been able to face Kadra since his reappearance from the study. Now, she had no choice. Turning, she stared at the ground, silent.

She spoke first. “I shouldn’t have done it. I don’t have any excuses. And, believe me, I’m aware of what I’m facing.” She squared her shoulders. “If you’re going to dismiss me from office before Helvus brings a petition, I don’t blame you.”

“Why would I do that when you’re doing so well?”

Truth.She finally looked at him. His hard face didn’t look the least bit angry. “I dug into Helvus’s head against his will!”

“Unorthodox, but I’m the last person who’d take issue with you flouting the law.”

“This isn’t breaking out debt-slaves! I abused my power!”

“Or should it always have been used this way?” He tipped his head toward a tearful Decimus in the doorway. “Would Helvus have listened if you’d asked nicely?”

She recognized the echo of her own retort to Cisuré after Harion’s assault.So you were listening. “If everyone did as I just did—” She broke off with a sound of frustration, realizing he had her cornered. “Damn it, Kadra!”

“Thereyou are.” Triumph laced the gravel of his voice.

She stared as lines crinkled at the corners of his eyes, cruelty vanishing in favor of what looked startlingly like delight. Kadra had always been stunning to her in the way of an Arsamean wolf, and just as dangerous. Butthisman was devastating.

“This is why I chose you.” He was so close; she could see the splash of ink on his jaw. “Thisis who I saw at the Robing.”

“Someone with more anger than brains?”

“Someone who could tear down a country.”

She withdrew. “It all comes back to what I can do for you, doesn’t it? Well, Kadra, I’m inches from being sent to the mines. That’s what trying to tear anything down gets you.”

“You won’t.” From his lips, it was a foregone conclusion.

“I just saw Helvus and his men drag Jovian through a passage in Sidran Tower! He’s up to his eyes in the Petitor murders. Even you might be out of your league.”

Kadra didn’t look surprised. “Helvus is powerful. So am I.”

“Is that what I’m supposed to do?” she asked bitterly. “Hide behind powerful men?”

“Use me.” His voice was hypnotic. “I’ll shield you.”

Her heart hummed fiercely. “Why?”

He spoke with quiet gravity. “You have power here too. Use mine until you find yours. Give everyone no choice but to hear you.”

She couldn’t help laughing. “That must be so easy for a man to say. Powerful people like you have always made people like me lace ourselves into subservient personalities in order to survive. Then you blame us when they become a second skin.”

“I’m not blaming you.” The words caressed her cheek, prompting an involuntary shiver. “I’m saying that there is nothing wrong with your rage. And I will stand behind you when you choose to exercise it.”

Stunned, she searched for words and failed. Something dangerous and powerful beat in her chest, a trapped bird begging to be set free. She’d yearned to hearthosewords for eighteen wretched years.

Her breath wreathed her face in shaky exhales. “Does this mean I’m choosing you?”

His smile widened. “Not unless you say so.”

Inches from his too-hard, cruel face, she realized she wasn’t as stoic as she’d thought. Arsamea had frozen her emotions, but this city and this man made them blaze, and sheyearnedto knot her hands in his black hairand pull him to her and grit out that he haunted her head, had stalked her nightmares, and that she’d do anything to know who he was, so she could decide whether to rip his heart out of his chest or give him hers.

Instead, she held out her hand and watched his larger one enclose it. “You have a deal.”

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