Page 129 of This Monster of Mine

“Four years ago,” Anek’s features were drawn tight in contemplation, “a body was found at the base of Sidran Tower. Smashed like a pumpkin.”

Starting at the sudden mention of the Sidran Tower Girl, Sarai winced. “I’ve heard.”

“I became a Petitor because of her,” Anek said. “If Harion had been found dead, then the vigiles would have cared. But this was a girl no older than I was. A stranger to the city. So she was dressed in rumors, swathed in apathy, and buried like so much garbage.”

Sarai’s throat burned.

“I realized that these people would do the same to me. They’d probably peer at my corpse and laugh, saying they knew my sex now.” A humorless sound left them. “But things changed upon Kadra’s election. He was vicious, but always fair.” Anek studied her. “You lied. Kadra was behind the strike, wasn’t he?” At Sarai’s silence, they smiled. “This is why people love him. He’s mad, but he doesn’t sit back and watch as people are buried.”

“Sometimes I don’t know if it’s because he cares, or because he finds their loyalty useful in this war he’s waging,” she admitted.

“Both,” Anek said readily. “Everyone with a brain saw that he did this to protect you. Just as they’re all putting two and two together at Aelius and Tullus freezing when you pulled out a scutum.” Tension returned to the neutralis’s features. “But Kadra has survived for so long because he has hadnoweaknesses. He’s been as immutable as stormfall. Yet, over the past two and a half months, everyone’s seen him watching you like he’d like to—pardon the expression—throw you against a wall and have you.”

Her cheeks heated. “There really is nothing. We haven’t—” She stopped as Anek raised a hand.

“Gods, please don’t. That’s a picture I don’t need.” They steered their mount toward Favran Tower. “I’d watched you two the first few days on the job, you know.” At Sarai’s start of surprise, they nodded. “You and Kadra butted heads more often than you drew air, but I saw respect. An ability to consider the good and flaws in each other’s approaches. On the other hand, Cisuré might as well have been an extension of Aelius.”

Sarai groaned. “Gods, I don’t know what’s happened to her.”

“She’s a fool.” Anek gave her a speaking look. “She’ll rationalize everything she does as reasonable if it means saving her skin. Is it incumbent on us to allow her to ruin lives while she figures out that the world isn’t all gods and roses? Do the elites give the lower classes that kind of concession?”

Impressed, she whistled. “Careful. Best not let Aelius or Tullus hear you saying that.”

“At least until they’re toppled.” The neutralis laughed, reaching across their mounts to grip Sarai’s shoulder. “Protect that Tetrarch of yours. There’s something strange about what he’s up to. The Kadra of old would never have gone with so many blatant strikes.” Anek looked puzzled. “For someone who’s always been excellent in subtle manipulation, it’s reckless beyond belief.”

Reckless.Everyone kept using that word.

“Thank you,” she said, realizing she hadn’t acknowledged how much Anek had risked in giving her Livia’s letter. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

They cleared their throat, looking awkward. “Yes, well. Didn’t want to see anyone dying. We’ve done well so far, yes? Lasted nearly three months.” They paused before bursting into laughter. “By the Elsar, you’re two weeks from winning that wager with Harion!”

Sarai counted the months and snorted. “Care to bet if he’ll be a gracious loser?”

“I’m not betting anything against you. Your luck’s far too good.”

Her smile wavered. That only meant it was bound to run out.

Yet, as Anek waved goodbye upon reaching their Tetrarch’s abode, Sarai turned determined eyes toward Aoran Tower.

Perhaps she could push her luck one more time.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

The trail of wet footsteps into the tablinum was her first clue that Kadra was home. Sarai eyed the thin line of light under the door to his study, anxious at facing him.

She’d knelt before him, her heart in her eyes.But what if he doesn’t acknowledge it?

She wiped her sweaty palms on her tunic, pulse thundering in her ears, reminding herself that she’d faced down Aelius and Tullus today. Whatever his response was, she could take it. Striding to the study door, she pushed it open before she could talk herself out of it.

Seated behind his desk, Kadra looked up, robe half-undone as usual, damp hair falling rakishly over the hard planes of his face. But his usual composure was gone, replaced by the same unfettered wildness she’d seen at the pleasure house.

“You nearly blew yourself up,” he said without preamble.

She took a steadying breath and rounded his desk. “It was the only way to save your head. You matter, Kadra. This country needs you to hold those two mass murderers back. I don’t know what you were thinking today in serving yourself up to them, but I won’t stand for it.”

“You fought for me.” His voice was hoarse.

“I chose you.” Flushing, she glanced at the wine bottle he was gripping as though his life depended on it. “I thought we agreed that I’d drink with you in the future.”

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