Page 108 of This Monster of Mine

“So that’s what you think of me.” Sarai’s voice was tight with pain. “Well, I’m glad you’ve finally let it out. It must have been difficult letting it fester all these years. And you sayIhold on to anger.”

Cisuré jerked back as though she’d been slapped. “I—” She seemed to have finally realized what she’d said. “Sarai, I—”

“I’ll let the scuta go.” The lie came from the deep well of her long-held rage, and as it emerged, Sarai didn’t feel guilty. “I don’t want to fight. Tell Aelius I’ll have something for him before the trial.”

A shocked smile formed on Cisuré’s face. “By Wisdom, you’ve finally seen reason.” She hugged her tight. “Sarai, I’m so happy you came around. All it took was a little quarrel.” Releasing her with a watery chuckle, Cisuré fixed her gaze at a point behind her and turned murderous. “Watch out, here comes the monster. I’ll see you soon, then?”

Staring at the other girl’s excited grin, Sarai wondered how Kadra did it. No lovers. No lies. No weaknesses. Right now, she would give anything for the same.

“Of course,” she said listlessly. Her body didn’t feel like her own. At least Cisuré would convince Aelius and Tullus that she’d been cowed.

She carefully composed her expression before walking over to Kadra and their mounts, but his piercing eyes missed nothing. They cut to Cisuré, ice forming in their depths. Before he could walk over, and undoubtedly shred the other girl to the bone, she stepped into his path.

“I’m ready to head home.” As she said it, she realized she’d never referred to Aoran Tower as “home” before.

The violence on Kadra’s face faded. “Of course.”

In a blink, she found herself lifted and deposited atop Caelum. He smoothly swung up on his horse. Maneuvering past the crowd, they left the Aequitas, reaching Aoran Tower in silence. Accepting Kadra’s hand to dismount, she joined him in brushing down their horses, trying not to flinch whenever Cisuré’s angry epithets resurfaced to haunt her.

“You’ll have to tell me how you do it,” she said, after a moment. “Limiting who’s allowed in your tower. Refusing to work your way through every pleasure house in Ur Dinyé. All that.”

He didn’t balk at the question. “Lovers are a liability. Everyone has a price.” Moving behind her, he assisted her with brushing Caelum. “It’s easier to take care of my needs myself than foist them on others.”

Her brush halted in her horse’s mane, suddenly assaulted by images of him half-naked in a dressing robe, working himself in his bedroom, sweat gliding down his neck as he—

“Most people don’t mind a bit of foisting,” she stammered.

“They’re welcome to it.” He sounded unconcerned.

“Aelius could frame you even without the act. The person could just … use their imagination.” Her cheeks could fry an egg with how hot they were.

“Ah, the gods have blessed me with a very noticeable birthmark. It’s an easy charge to disprove, even if it means showing the audience my—”

“You—” She spun to face him, horribly aware that she was crimson. She scowled at the laugh he was barely suppressing. “You aren’t supposed to have a sense of humor.” It came out as accusation. “You’re all blood and terror.”

He flashed her a wry grin that threw her even further. “I sound unbearable.”

She nearly said it. That he was. Then Cisuré’s words resurfaced.You’re unbearable. Her smile drooped. The stone in her heart sank deeper.

“Goodnight, Kadra.”

Watching her carefully, he nodded and followed her into Aoran Tower. A sliver of moonlight dappled their path, laying their shadows out beside them. Side by side.

Any other day, she would have been catatonic at the knowledge that her only friend thought so little of her. But for now, she took refuge in the fact that there was at least one person in Ur Dinyé who didn’t think her easily confused or eternally angry. Who saw her as strong, deferred to her judgment, and saw power in her rage.

“Thank you,” she whispered to the man beside her.

And if she wiped her eyes a few times too many, he said nothing of it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Rain slammed into the ground under Silun’s bluish glow, turning the landscape outside Aoran Tower into a blur of midnight and thunder.

Her hurt at Cisuré’s barbs tangled with a thousand worries. Aelius’s warrant, the trial … Kadra. Sarai glanced at the window, knowing he was out there, soaked to the skin and throwing lightning back to the sky. She wondered how often he’d brushed fingers with Death, if he’d ever seen a bolt tunnel down to earth, and wondered if he would fail in altering its path.

He knew Aelius and Tullus wanted his head, but she hadn’t told him of the choice they’d given her between removing him as Tetrarch or being whipped to death. At first, it was because she’d barely been able to think straight that night. But afterward, she hadn’t wanted him to know. He’d already killed two Guildmasters to prevent her from going to the mines, at complete consequence to him. Against a more imminent threat, she had no doubt he’d do worse and bear the blame for it.

She needed something so irrefutable that it would strip the teeth off Aelius and Tullus before they could even begin to accuse her ofcalumnia. If only she knew what that was.

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