Page 70 of Knot Unwanted: Part One

Ren

My hands are shaking. Not the violent tremors that come when I’m behind the wheel, but small trembles that I can’t quite control. The SUV keys feel impossibly heavy in my palm, each metal ridge digging into my skin like an accusation.

You’re going to fail them again.

I close my fingers around the keys until the edges bite into my flesh. The pain helps, gives me something to focus on besides the memories threatening to surface. Besides the phantom scent of blood and burning rubber that always lingers at the edges of my consciousness.

“You don’t have to do this.” Stone’s voice is quiet beside me, steady in that way that usually anchors me. But right now, his calm only feeds the restless energy under my skin. Why the fuck is he here? Wasn’t he supposed to go to the shed?

“Yes, I do.” The words come out harsh, grating against my throat. I force myself to take a breath. “We need to find her. All hands on deck, right?”

Stone’s expression doesn’t change, but I can smell the concern rolling off him in waves. He’s always been able to read me toowell. Even now, standing in the pre-dawn darkness of our driveway, I can feel his eyes tracking every minute tremor, every hitched breath.

“Ren—”

“Stone.” I cut him off before he can offer the out we both know I want to take. “Just…don’t.”

The keys are cutting deeper into my palm now. Good. Pain is better than fear. Better than the crushing weight of unease that’s been sitting on my chest since he told us about the omega girl. Since we realized how close she’d been this whole time, while we were blind to her presence.

While Stone kept her secret.

The surge of anger that accompanies that thought catches me off guard. I’ve never been good at staying angry with Stone. He’s too steady, too careful with his choices. If he kept her hidden, he must have had his reasons.

But fuck if it doesn’t hurt.

“We should check the northern trails first.” My voice sounds strange to my own ears, too controlled. “She couldn’t have gotten far on foot.”

Stone shifts beside me, and I catch another wave of his scent—pine and wood smoke and guilt. So much guilt. Part of me wants to reach for him, to ease that burden the way he’s always done for me. But I can’t. Not yet. Not when everything feels so raw.

“The creek would have slowed her down,” he agrees quietly. “And there are caves in that area where she might have sought shelter.”

Caves where she might freeze to death, only leaving more blood on our hands.Myhands.

Fuck. I shouldn’t care. She’s not our omega, despite what Stone says. He’s always been too sentimental for his own good.

But even as I think that, something distinctly familiar clenches in my chest. Because from what Stone described, I know exactly what happened to that omega.

I know…when I shouldn’t.

The keys in my palm feel like a fucking joke now. Like some twisted metaphor—here’s your shot at normal, asshole. Here’s your chance at redemption. As if anything could redeem what I’ve done. What I’ve seen.

What I let happen.

My knuckles are still split from putting my fist through my bedroom wall last night. The pain grounds me, keeps the memories at bay. Almost.

“Fuck!” The keys go flying, hitting the gravel with a sound that’s too much like chains rattling. My stomach heaves, and I barely make it to the bushes before bringing up whatever the hell I managed to choke down yesterday.

“Ren—” Stone’s voice, too close.

“Don’t—” It comes out as a growl. “Don’t fucking touch me right now.”

He doesn’t come closer—smart man—but I can feel his concern like an itch under my skin. Makes me want to turn around and show him exactly why he shouldn’t waste his time worrying about me. Show him the monster hiding behind all these pathetic attempts at normalcy.

The laugh that tears out of my throat sounds unhinged even to my ears. Normal. Right. Like I ever had a shot at that.

That’s why I fucked this all up. I was pretending to be something I’m not.

“If you’re not up for this—” Stone starts.

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