Page 72 of Knot Unwanted: Part One

“Ren?” Stone again, always fucking Stone with his concern and his questions and his…

My fist connects with the SUV again. And again. Metal dents under the assault, but I barely feel it. Can’t feel anything past the rage and guilt and bone-deep terror that they’ll find out. That they’ll know what I am. What I was.

What I let happen.

Strong hands grab me from behind. I react on instinct—spinning, snarling, ready to tear apart whoever dared…

Jax. It’s Jax. Our alpha. My alpha. Our leader. The one person who might take me in a fight, and right now I want to test that theory. Want to push until something breaks. UntilIbreak.

“Stand down.” His voice carries alpha command, but I’m too far gone to care.

“Or what?” I snarl, shoving him back. “You’ll put me down like the rabid dog I am?”

“Fuck, Ren.” Stone sounds scared now. Good. He should be.

“You want to know what I am?” The words pour out, toxic and burning. “You want to know what kind of monster you let into your pack?”

“Ren, stop.” Jax’s voice is steel, but I can’t stop. Can’t breathe past the confession trying to claw its way out of my throat.

“I’ve seen this before.” My laugh is razor-sharp, drawing blood. “The marks. The fear.”

The basement door creaking open. The smell of terror and…

Muddled in with their mixed emotions, I can see Jax and Stone’s confusion. They don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. They must think I’m going fucking insane. Or they think I’m talking about what they know. About the accident. And that’s all right. I slam my fist into the truck again, metal buckling under the impact. Better. Better to hurt than to remember. Better to bleed than to talk. Better to suffer in pain than to let them know.

“Ren, stop!” Stone reaches for me.

I whirl on him, teeth bared. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“This isn’t helping—” The punch comes out of nowhere. Jax’s fist connects with my jaw, snapping my head back. The pain is bright, clarifying.Real.

I stagger, tasting blood, and for a moment all I can feel is gratitude. This, I understand. This, I deserve.

“Hit me again.” It comes out pleading. “Come on, alpha. Show me what happens to pieces of shit like me.”

“No.” Jax’s voice is quiet now. Deadly quiet. “We’re going inside. We’re going to sit down. And we’re going to figure out what the hell we’re going to do.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll have to decide if you’re too unstable to be around Finn right now.”

The words hit harder than any punch could. Cut deeper than any knife. Because he’s right. In this state, I’m dangerous. To everyone. Even…

“Fuck.” I slam my already bleeding fist into the ground. Once. Twice. Until Stone grabs my wrist.

“Ren…quit it.” His voice shakes. “Breaking your wrist isn’t going to help anything.”

I look up at him, at both of them, and see it. Not the fear. The worry. The dawning understanding that maybe they never really knew me at all.

“The porch,” Jax says quietly. Not a suggestion. An order.

I follow them because what else can I do? Because maybe it’s time. Maybe they deserve to know exactly what kind of monster I really am.

Maybe then they’ll finally do what should have been done years ago, and put me down for good.

The wooden steps creak under our weight as we settle. The house isn’t even old, but Finn liked it. Said the creaks gave it character, so we bought it. I thought I could like it, too.

I don’t…

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