Page 116 of Finding Forever

“You’d be bored to tears in no time, I’m not that interesting.”

“I find you utterly fascinating,” she told him. He snorted but his gaze was affectionate, tender.

“No, seriously, Cade,” she insisted earnestly. “In the university of life, I’d want my PhD in Niall Caden Hawthorne-onomics.”

His chest heaved, and for a second his lips pressed together as he fought against what was happening to him. But he was helpless to stop it and she watched in delight as her oh-so-serious husband succumbed to gales of laughter for the first time since she’d met him.

Elated thatshe’dbeen the one to unlock this latest achievement, Fern stared at the beautiful sight of her laughing husband with tears in her eyes. He was gorgeous, eyes crinkled at the corners, dimples deepened into grooves, mouth stretched into a dazzling smile.

She’d never seen him so unguarded and she loved that he trusted her enough to reveal a side of him that he showed so few.

As his laughter faded, he hooked an arm around her waist and held her close.

“That was the corniest damned thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” he told her, voice still alive with amusement.

“I said what I said,” she told him. “And I havenoregrets.”

“Fucking adorable, that’s what you are.”

He was quiet for a moment, serious now that the laughter had faded completely.

“Just before she left, when she was hugging me goodbye?” he confided, his voice vulnerable and filled with no small amount of wonder. “Kenny said that I’vealwaysbeen Cade to her. And I… I just—fuck, Fern, you don’t know how much it meant to me to hear that from my sister.Ididn’t even know how much it would mean to me. I can’t explain it but it felt like I’d regained a piece of myself that I hadn’t even known I’d lost. So how could I be angry with you about that? When I’m so fucking grateful?”

“Oh, Cade, that’s wonderful news. I’m so happy to hear it.”

“Nobody has ever really stood up in defense of me like that before,” he suddenly admitted, voice gruff and self-conscious. “Why would they? I was born into privilege, I didn’t need a champion. I always stood up for my brothers, Kenny, did the right thing by my family.… The thing with my name seemed small in comparison to what so many others suffer daily. I didn’t feel like I had a right to feel wronged by it. Not really. Not when it was such a petty concern. Until you came along, I thought I was okay with it. Resigned to it. And I just want… I just need…fuck. Thank you, Fern. It means a lot that you cared.”

“Even if I was excavating all those family skeletons?” she half-teased.

“Hardly a whole skeleton,” he muttered, still a little awkward. “More like a severed foot. A toe even.”

She chuckled and his arms tightened.

“Do you think we could, possibly, try the whole married for real thing?” he floored her by asking and she pushed herself up—his arms reluctantly fell away from her—to stare into his face.

“What?”

“We get along, we care about each other. We have fantastic chemistry. And then there’s the baby. Since we’re already married, it feels right. Logical.”

Fern pushed her hair from her face and shifted off his lap completely, not taking her eyes off his face.

“Don’t you think you—I…weboth—deserve better than to settle for a logical and convenient arrangement? All I’ve ever wanted was for someone to love me, Cade. And what you’re proposing right now feels like settling. You’re grateful to me for offering you a bit of kindness, consideration… for putting you first. I’ve been equally grateful to you for caring about me, showing concern for my well-being, for protecting me from Granger. But I’m not the wife you want, Cade.”

“What do you mean? How could you possibly know what I want, Fern?” he asked, sounding affronted.

“Because Iheardyou, Cade,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, it just happened. But I heard you.”

He looked confused, stricken, uncertain and—more familiarly—outraged.

“Heard me? What do you mean? How could you have overheard me say that you’re not what I want? I’ve never once uttered those?—”

“On the phone,” she interrupted. “A few weeks ago. After we first slept together—uhfor the second time—you were speaking to someone. Talking about the night we met. About how pale and drab I was. A moth.” She swallowed painfully before continuing, ignoring how pale he’d gone, how utterly appalled he looked. “How grateful you were that the baby and I wouldn’t be a permanent part of your life. And how I wasn’t the type of woman you’d ever imagined settling down with.”

“Oh Christ,” he finally muttered, voice shaky. “Fern—fuck—none of that… all of that… You weren’t meant to hear any of that.”

“I know. And it’s okay, really. It helped keep me grounded. Helped manage my expectations. We each deserve someone who loves the other, Cade. We shouldn’t settle.”

“No,” his voice was urgent, and he reachedfor her hand, but aborted the attempt when she flinched at the movement. “Fern, I said those things before I knew you. We could be good together. I think we deserve the chance to…”

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