Page 92 of Finding Forever

But Mike was upright seconds later, and after few more words of farewell left them—and Chance, the bodyguard—in the green room.

“We have to get going as well, baby,” Trystan told his wife with an affectionate smile. “Got to feed Luna. We’re already an hour late. She’s going to hold it against us.”

“Luna’s our dog,” Iris explained with a laugh. “And she can get a little stroppy if we’re not home on time to feed her. Gives us a handy excuse to escape any unwanted social interactions.”

Her face reddened before she groaned.

“Notthat I think this is an unwanted social interaction,” she said and Fern laughed.

“I know what you meant.”

“Oh good, because I don’t want to hurt your feelings or offend you and I would love for us to be friends.” She sat down again to give Fern a quick, hard hug that—once more—took her by surprise. But she found that she minded this genuine show of affection a lot less than Mike Holmes’s practiced air kisses. “I’ll text. I’m so happy we met.”

She was up a second later, and Trystan claimed her hand before he gave Fern a friendly nod and then shook Cade’s hand.

“Good to meet you both,” he said. “Since my gorgeous wife has decided that Fern is going to be one of her besties, I have nodoubt we’ll see each other again. Good luck with all that other shit. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.”

With that the other couple and their hulking, handsome bodyguard were gone.

“That was…” Fern inhaled deeply, still a little shaken by the surreal evening and everything that had occurred.

“Our driver is waiting,” Cade cut her off abruptly and she winced, as she recalled theotherthing that had happened tonight. She moved to get up and he was beside her in an instant, his hand on her elbow to help her up.

The driveback to Cade’s exquisite five-bedroom townhouse in Knightsbridge was completed in strained silence and once they were back in the privacy of his home, Fern turned to him.

“I know you’re upset and that we probably should’ve discussed it first but, it felt like the right moment,” she said hurriedly.

He grasped his nape and squeezed, shutting his eyes for a moment.

“You keep doing shit like this,” he said, his voice a low, menacing growl. “That business with my name. Telling Beth that you’re pregnant without even considering how I would feel about you doing that. Now this. It would be a lot more helpful if you’d just?—”

“Keep my mouth shut?” she finished in a tight voice, fighting to keep her tears at bay, but refusing to show him that weakness. “Stay docile and quiet…that’s how everyone would prefer me, right? An obedient little mouse without an independent or intelligent thought in her brain. So much easier to use and manipulate someone who’s too afraid to speak her own mind.”

“Christ almighty,stopputting words in my mouth.”

“Cade, I know you’d rather not think about it, but Iampregnant and I’ll be showing sooner rather than later. There’s no point in hiding it or never speaking of it. I can’t be a biddable little puppet any longer.”

“And what the hell do you think it’s going to do tome? To my reputation, my life, my-my fuckingheartwhen—after we’ve made this grand announcement about becoming proud parents on a tv show with a massive global audience—we separate in three years and I no longer have any contact with your child? You get to leave here with the kid, mom of the century, aye? And I get to stay behind, a deadbeat dad who appears to have no interest or concern in his child’s well-being! Forgive me for wanting to keep the pregnancy from the world a little longer, when for all intents and purposes—as per your words and wishes—it hasnothingto do with me. I see you planning this future, just you and your baby against the world. And I can’t?—”

Fern stared at him in slack-jawed shock as he shoved a frustrated hand over his hair, as if he’d forgotten that he’d shorn off the locks that he used to yank between his fingers.

His face was dark, livid, his eyes shining with frustration and something that resembled torment.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he admitted, his voice echoing the torment she’d seen in his eyes. “Idon’t. I don’t know how to feel about your pregnancy. It was just thrust onto me. One fucking faulty condom, and suddenly there’s this massive looming consequence. I’m happy it gaveyourlife some meaning and purpose, Fern… but all it’s done to mine is create havoc and confusion.”

“Cade, I told you…”

“Don’t—” he gritted out, slashing his hand violently through the air and she flinched slightly in reaction to the sharp command in his voice. “Don’t you dare tell me it’ll have nothing to do with me. That it’syourchild. Maybe you’recomfortable relegating me to nothing but a sperm donor, and I know I’m supposed to be this enlightened man who respects and acknowledges that this is your decision. But when you decided to keep that baby, and then decided that it was yours alone, you cut me off at the knees, Fern. You married me knowing full well that I’d have to watch you grow bigger with that child, then be around him, getting to know him for the first two years of his life… and after that just—what?—forget he exists?

“I don’t know how to be that man. I can’t…” His voice broke and he shook his head in helpless frustration, shifting his stormy gaze from her. “Meanwhile you’re happily telling the whole world about your impending motherhood, and everybody is congratulating me, like I did something so fucking amazing. And I have to grin and bear it while knowing that I’ll be nothing but a stranger to that baby. So, fucking forgive me for having the perfectly normal reaction of not being thrilled whenever you make these little surprise announcements to the world at large. It’s hard to put on a convincing act of happiness when you feel like there’s an axe suspended from a rapidly fraying rope hanging above your head.

“And for the love of Godstopcomparing me to your fucking stepfather. I’m nothing like him and you know it. I’m so sick of watching my words and my mood around you for fear of being compared to that bastard.”

“Cade… do you want to be a part of the baby’s life?” Fern asked, not knowing what else to say.

She didn’t know what to make of this incomprehensible rant? It certainlysoundedlike he was unhappy with the arrangement as it stood. She wasn’t sure how she felt about sharing the baby she’d thought of—up until this very moment—as hers alone. Cade had shown an interest in her health, but never in the baby.

“Yes,” he shocked her by snapping. Then he clenched histeeth and screwed his eyes shut. “No! Jesus, I honestly don’t know what the fuck I want. I don’t have all the answers yet. I don’t know how I feel. I’m sorting through that. All I know is that ever since I met you my life has been complicated by this mess of confusing emotions. I don’t do emotions, Fern. I don’t do confusion. But I can’t tell up from down at the moment and it’s driving me insane. Sorting through these tangled feelings is an ongoing process, and when you ambush me with shit like this… I just feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train and whatever happens, I know that my life will never be the same again. And I hate that.”

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