Page 46 of Finding Forever

“Then perhaps you should give me a list of taboo talking points next time? A nice neat list of do’s and don’ts and I’ll stick to the script like a good little girl.” She delivered the suggestion in her most reasonable tone of voice. “Just text them to me before we head out and we can go over them on the drive to wherever. That’s how Granger would do it.”

“I’m nothing like fucking Granger Abernathy,” he spat outin disgust and she raised her eyebrows and stood her ground despite the fact that she was quaking inside.

“No? Then maybe stop acting like him? Because intimidation and coercion are very much his favorite methods of control.”

“You’re deliberately subverting the point.” His voice was tight with frustration.

“Am I?”

“You knew even as you asked it that it wasn’t something I’d be comfortable discussing with my siblings.”

“I knew no such thing! I had no idea I was stepping into forbidden territory. How was I supposed to know you had some weird hang up about your name? I wanted to change the subject sinceyoudecided it was okay to say those horrible things about me. The comments about my emotional growth and possible choice in clothing were offensive. And spoken withsuchauthority. As if you know any damned thing about me. I’m not a teenager, I don’t think like a teenager, I wouldn’t want to dress like one either.”

“You’ve spent the last decade and a half around adolescents, it’s not an unreasonable assumption that you’d have the emotional depth and taste of one.”

Her jaw dropped and she gasped.

“And you say you’re nothing like Granger? Maybe take a good hard look in the mirror, Cade, because that’s eerily similar to the things he’s been saying to me for the last fifteen years.” She felt a moment of lonely, echoing sorrow, before she continued, “He always made me feel like I’d messed up and said the wrong things. That’s the excuse he used to send me away. And keep me away. And I didn’t even mind it, because it was so much better than living in that house. Stifled, silenced, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

“So, why don’t youtellme what you expect from me when we go out in public together, Cade… and while we’re at it, I’ll compile a list of things I’d prefer you not say tomein public too. That way we’ll both know where we stand.”

She swallowed, the previously undiscovered well of courage she’d been drawing from abruptly running dry.

He’d lifted his head, his expression no longer filled with anger and malice. Instead, he looked exhausted and strained.

“Look, Fern, I don’t give a fuck if you mess up or put your foot in your mouth, or say whatever cringey shit at any given moment. But we’re strangers. And some things are…” His voice was quieter now, but roughened with emotion. “Some things areprivate. Okay? Yes, we’re married and I want you to feel at home in my space, but there has to be boundaries. You’re not entitled to my every goddamned secret just because we’re temporarily sharing a last name. We don’t have that kind of relationship. We don’t have any kind of relationship. Don’t pry into my private life and we’ll get along fine. The thing with my name it’s—fuck—it’s sensitive. Aye? And stirs up some shit that I’d prefer stay buried. My brothers, Kenny, they don’t even know how badly I… how it affected…”

He ran out of words, seeming unable to continue in any coherent way. And Fern recognized that if he had difficulty even speaking to his siblings about it, as that rambling, incoherent response implied, he’d find it near impossible to discuss it with the stranger masquerading as his wife.

“You’re right, Cade, some things are private. And if I’d known this was one of those things, I would never have brought it up. So a heads up would have been nice.” she said after a moment’s pause. She could understand why he felt she’d overstepped. But she couldn’t agree with it. Not when she’d had no clue that something as simple as a name would trigger all these complicated emotions in him.

“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have compared you to Granger. But you were also wrong, Cade. Yes, I lived with and taught adolescents for a large chunk of my life, and I may not havehad the opportunity to do my own shopping, but I do have a brain and eyes. And opinions. Butmyemotional intelligence is well-developed enough to know better than to insult someone for no good reason. You had no right to humiliate me in front of your family like that. I did nothing to deserve it.”

Cade sighed, a long, tired exhalation of air.

“For what it’s worth, they all liked you.”

She nodded, not sure how to respond to that. Because whether they liked her or she liked them, it didn’t matter. As he’d sokindlyreminded her, she was just a guest in this family, and getting too attached to them would be dangerous. There was no place for her here.

She wrapped her arms around her slender frame, trying to fight back a shiver, but he saw it, and his eyes darkened with concern.

“Are you cold?”

“No… I’m okay. Just—” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t know what she was. Sad maybe. Depressed, for sure.

“Just what?”

“Tired. I think I’ll head to bed.”

He nodded, but continued to watch her uncertainly. His teeth raked over his bottom lip a couple of times and he looked as if he was about to say something, which left her suspended in limbo just as she was about to turn away and head to her room.

She waited for a beat… then two. But he remained silent and she swallowed down her disappointment as she swiveled on her heel and with a swiftgoodnightthrown over her shoulder, retreated to her room.

TheI’msorrythat hovered on the tip of his tongue remained unspoken as Cade watched Fern flee from the living room. He’d overreacted. He knew that. He’d overreacted becauseshe’d broached a subject that he’d never once brought up himself. Becausehewas the fucking coward who’d simply allowed the unacceptable to slide when heshouldhave stood up for himself twenty years ago.

She was right, he’d made her feel small, insignificant, voiceless—tactics straight out of her asshole stepfather’s playbook—and then he’d stood back and allowedherto apologize tohimfor it.

He’d noticed that she had a tendency to back down, to take the blame and apologize rather than stand her ground or push back. So seeing her stand up for herself had been unexpected and somewhat gratifying. Despite the fact that she’d compared him to Abernathy—which had pissed him the fuck off—he knew that she would never have defended herself so vehemently to her stepfather. Which made Cade believe that even though it had only been a couple of days, she felt comfortable enough with him,safeenough to speak her mind.

---