Page 129 of Finding Forever

“And that wasn’t something you wanted to do?”

“Honestly? It never even occurred to me. I don’t think it’s my style to be honest. Is it… wouldyouhave enjoyed finding out that way?”

“No.” The way they’d received the news had been perfect. It had been their moment. Her moment really, and he was fortunate that she’d chosen to share it with him.

“Thank you for today,” he told her, hunching his shoulders uncomfortably. “For including me. It meant a lot.”

She nodded and padded to the kitchen on bare feet. So, fucking pretty in her baggy—in order to accommodate her tiny baby bump—teal jumpsuit. Cade had seen her in a variety of bold colors since she’d purged her closet of the nun couture—as she’d called it—but teal had to be his absolute favorite color on her. It complemented her hair and added even more depth to her already beautiful eyes.

She got out a couple of bottles of water from the fridge,handing him one on her way to the sofa, where she sat down with a tired sigh. She took a thirsty sip of water and then pulled her feet up onto the couch to sit cross-legged while she watched him closely.

“Cade…” she began, her voice heavy and he tensed, uncertain of what to expect. Knowing—from that tone of voice—that it couldn’t be good. He sat down on the edge of the easy chair across from her and watched her intently. “From the very beginning, back when you accused me of fabricating my pregnancy, I assumed—no I believed—that the prospect of fatherhood was unappealing to you. Especially with a stranger, a woman you’d met once and with whom you’d had—what I now know to be—terriblesex.”

He winced at the vehement emphasis on the wordterrible. But he couldn’t exactly argue with it. It had been fucking awful.

“Subsequently,” she continued and he refocused, happy to relegate that particular memory back to the deepest, darkest recesses of his brain again. “I said what I had to in order to protect myself and my baby. I needed your help and I was terrified you’d refuse to help me—us—if you thought I had unrealistic expectations of our arrangement. I wanted to make it perfectly clear that I absolved you of any and all paternal responsibility. Because, I believed that that was what you wanted. Was I wrong in that belief?”

Cade swallowed, then took a thirsty drink from his water to ease his parched throat.

“No,” he admitted hoarsely, giving her the honesty she deserved even though he knew he was probably shooting himself in the foot here. “You weren’t wrong.”

She nodded as if satisfied with his answer and swiped her thumb through the condensation on the outside of her water bottle as she stared down at the floor for a long moment.

Cade waited, wanting to speak, but sensing she wasn’t done yet and needed a moment to formulate her thoughts.

“A lot has happened between then and now, Cade,” she finally said, lifting her gaze back to his. “So much has changed between us. And since you’re bloody terrible at communicating”—He winced again—“I was wondering if you wanted to renegotiate the terms of our agreement with regards to the baby?”

He fought back his smile oddly touched by the stilted formality of her words. By the way she seemed almost terrified to meet his eyes while generously offering him this second chance at fatherhood he hadn’t known how to ask for.

“In my defense,” he felt obligated to point out. “There were no terms when it came to the baby, there was only you saying that you weren’t asking me to be a father toyourbaby. You made it pretty clear that I was nothing more to that baby than a sperm donor and it was hard to get past that. We barely knew each other, and even if I’d wanted to, I didn’t feel like I had any right to ask for, or expect, more.”

“I’m asking you now, Cade… what do you want?”

His eyes dropped to her stomach. He couldn’t see her bump right now, because of the way the fabric of her jumpsuit pooched in that area but that didn’t really matter. Not when little Casper’s perfect profile was indelibly burned into his brain.

“I want you to understand that if I allow myself to love that baby, that’s it. We’re in this for keeps. We’ll be co-parents and stuck with each other for a lot longer than three years. Is that somethingyoucould handle? Because this is—and always has been—about you, Fern. And what you want matters more than what I want.”

“That’s simply not true, Cade. What you want matters too.”

Cade had never believed that. He’d always placed his family’s needs ahead of his own. Had always said and done what he believed would be best for them.

Yes, he’d taken his pleasures, fleeting moments of physicaland material happiness. Beautiful women, cars, a yacht, property… acquisitions which—while momentarily satisfying—had left him feeling hollow and lonely. The women had never stayed—he’d never wanted them to, really—and the material acquisitions were not rewarding when he had no-one with whom to share them.

This apartment, which he’d had for the last several years, had been an impersonal, expensive property that he’d stayed at a handful of times. He’d never had any particularly strong feelings about it. It was more private than a hotel, but sterile and cold for the most part. But during these few months of sharing it with Fern, it had become something Cade hadn’t really had in years…

It was home.

He hated leaving in the morning but looked forward to returning home every evening after work. Knowing Fern would be there with her wide, welcoming smile, music playing in the background, and her shoes tripping him up at the door.

He tried to smile, while he inexplicably felt like he was on the verge of tears. A feeling he hadn’t had since his mother had died.

“Fern…” he began, after taking in a huge gulp of air, feeling like a man about to walk out onto a tightrope suspended between two high rise buildings. And no net in sight. “What if I told you that I wantedyou? That I want this”—He waved his hand expansively indicating nothing in particular, but also fucking everything around them.—“I want us. You, me… our baby. Together. Trying to make this work.”

“Cade,”she whispered. “We talked about this. Just because you’re now intent on being a father to our baby, doesn’t invalidate anything I said last time we had this discussion. I still don’t want to stay married for the baby’s sake. Or because it’sconvenient. And makes sense. We can co-parent even after we divorce. We’ll be equal partners in raising our child. But I still don’t want a loveless marriage. No matter how convenient.”

“This is still about that fucking phone call you overheard, isn’t it?” he asked bitterly and pressed her lips together.

“It’s hard to forget. You said that you didn’t want to be a husband or father,” she reminded him .

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