Page 70 of It's Only Ever Been You

I swallow hard, Sarah’s words striking something raw in me. She was there in college when Ethan overheard me talking about regret, twisting my words in his head into something they weren’t. It took months for us to come back from that misunderstanding, and even now, the memory stings. I remember the look on his face when he thought I regretted beingwith him.

Sarah’s gaze softens, as if she knows exactly what I’m thinking. “You remember how things went back then,” she says gently. “He didn’t have the full story, and it hurt both of you. But you figured it out because you talked to him. Don’t let history repeat itself, Em.”

“What else am I supposed to think?” I shoot back, frustration mixing with my fear. “He’s leaving. That’s all that matters.”

Sarah shakes her head, her tone firm yet patient. “No, it’s not. You’re scared, and I get that. But this isn’t like college, Emma. Back then, he didn’t have all the information, and it hurt you both. Don’t make the same mistake now by assuming the worst. Talk to him. Give him the chance to explain.”

Could I really be doing it again—jumping to conclusions without giving Ethan the chance to clarify? But the fear of being wrong, of him confirming my worst suspicions, grips me just as tightly.

“And what if I’m not wrong?” I whisper, my voice trembling. “What if I confront him, and he confirms everything I’m afraid of?”

Sarah steps closer, her voice softening. “Then at least you’ll know. But pushing him away without giving him a chance to explain? That’s not fair—to him or to you.”

I shake my head, my tears falling faster. “You don’t get it, Sarah. If he leaves, I don’t think I can survive it again. It would break mefor good this time.”

Sarah reaches for my hands, holding them tightly. “I get it, Emma. I do. But you can’t live your life running from what might hurt you. If Ethan loves you—and I really believe he does—he deserves the chance to prove it. And you deserve the chance to see if it can work.”

Her words start to chip away at the wall I’ve built around my heart. But the fear stays, gripping me tightly and refusing to let go.

“What if I’m the reason he’s unhappy?” I whisper. “What if I was right to let him go back then?”

Sarah shakes her head. “You’re not holding him back. And if you were, don’t you think he’d tell you? Ethan doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would stay quiet about that.”

“He deserves more than someone who’s scared all the time,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “Someone who can give him everything without holding back.”

“And you think you’re not that person?” Sarah asks, disbelief evident her gentle tone. “Emma, he loves you. You. Not some perfect version of you. He’s not asking for perfect; he’s asking for you.”

She says it with such conviction that, for a moment, I almost believe her.But the doubt doesn’t go away—it’s still there, stubborn and persistent.

“Talk to him,” Sarah says. “Don’t make decisions for him. Let him decide what he wants.”

I nod slowly, even though the thought of confronting Ethan terrifies me. Sarah squeezes my hands one last time before stepping back.

“You’ll figure it out,” she says with a small, encouraging smile. “You’re stronger than you think.”

With that, she heads back inside, leaving me alone with my thoughts—and the faintest flicker of hope.

……………………………………………………………………..

My phone rings and I’m so out of it I just answer without looking to see who it is.

“Hello?”

“Emma?” The voice on the other end is hesitant, almost apologetic. It takes me a second to recognize it.

“Ethan?” My heart skips a beat, my grip tightening on the phone.

“I just… I wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he says softly. “You left the reception so suddenly, and I… I’m worried about you.”

His concern twists something in my chest, and I close my eyes, willing myself not to cry again. “I’m fine,” I lie, my voice steadier than I expected.

There’s a long pause, the silence between us thick with everything neither of us is saying. When he finally speaks, his voice is quieter, almost pleading. “Emma, please. Just talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

I open my mouth to respond, but the words catch in my throat. How do I tell him what I overheard? How do I tell him that I’m terrified he’s leaving again?

Instead, I say the only thing I can manage. “I can’t do this right now, Ethan. I’m sorry.”

The silence on the other end stretches, and I can almost feel his frustration through the line. But when he speaks, his tone is calm, though there’s a quiet determination in it. “I’m not giving up, Emma. Not on you or us. You’re worth fighting for, even if you don’t believe it yet.”

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