Page 44 of It's Only Ever Been You

Ethan

Present Time

The gym is quiet in the early morning, the hum of fluorescent lights the only sound as I push through another set of squats. The burn in my legs and the ache in my chest are a welcome distraction, keeping my mind off the upcoming wedding. No matter how many weights I lift or how fast I run, nothing drowns out the thought of seeing Emma again.

I rack the barbell and lean against it, catching my breath. My phone buzzes on the bench beside me, and I glance at it, half-hoping it’s something that’ll pull me out of my own head.

It’s Jace.

Jace: Don’t forget the tux fitting Friday at 3.

I swipe to reply, my fingers hovering over the keyboard. The fitting. Another reminder that thiswedding isn’t just some distant event anymore—it’s happening. Soon.

Me: Got it. Friday. I’ll be there.

I set the phone back down and grab my water bottle, staring at the mirrored wall across from me. My reflection looks just as unsettled as I feel, my shoulders tense despite the workout. Seeing Jace will be easy. He’s my friend, my family. But Emma?

That’s a whole different story.

I don’t even know what I’ll say to her. Sorry for walking out of your life? Sorry for not fighting harder? Or maybe just sorry for being a coward.

A memory flashes through my mind—Emma laughing at something I said, her eyes bright, her head tilted just slightly like she couldn’t believe I was real. The realization slams into me, heavy and unavoidable—I haven’t seen her in years, yet she’s still the first person I think about when things get quiet.

I swipe a towel over my face and grab my phone again, scrolling mindlessly through Instagram. I’ve been avoiding looking at her page, telling myself it’s better to keep my distance. But my thumb has a mind of its own, typing her name into the search bar.

Her profile pops up, and there she is. Her most recent post is a candid shot of her in a coffee shop, a book in one hand and a cup in the other.She’s smiling, but it’s not for the camera—it’s real, unposed, the kind of smile that used to make my day.

I stare at it longer than I should, my chest tightening. She looks happy. Or at least, she looks like she’s doing fine without me. I wonder if she even thinks about me anymore, or if I’ve just become a chapter in her story she’s already closed.

My phone buzzes again, and I snap out of it, closing the app quickly. Another text from Jace.

Jace: Emma’s bringing Sarah man. I’m not sure how to deal with that.

Me: Sorry man, that sucks.

The words make me pause, and I sit back on the bench, staring at the screen. I’m relieved, if I’m being honest—glad Emma’s not bringing a real date, that it’s just Sarah. But Jace? I’m not sure how he’s going to deal with that. I know for a fact he’s still in love with her, even if he won’t admit it.

Love.

The word lingers in my mind, a heavy weight I’ve been avoiding for years. Because if I’m honest with myself—really honest—I still feel it too. I just haven’t admitted it in a long, long time.

Jace: Thanks. I’m sure I’ll be fine, I have Sierra. You good? I mean, with Emma being there and all?

Am I? I stareat the question, my thumb hovering over the keyboard. I could lie, tell him I’m fine, but what’s the point? He knows me too well.

Me: I will be. It’ll just be… weird seeing her after all this time, you know?

Jace: Yeah. But maybe it’s a good thing. You two have some unfinished business.

Unfinished business. That’s one way to put it. Another would be ‘an open wound that never fully healed.’

Jace: Honestly, I’m not even sure I should be saying this, but… I’m kind of freaking out about the wedding.

That gets my attention. I frown, already typing.

Me: Freaking out how?

Jace: I don’t know. It’s just… big. Final. Sierra’s amazing, and I love her, but sometimes I wonder… am I even ready for this?

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