Page 19 of It's Only Ever Been You

“Okay, let’s do this,” he says as he grabs one of my boxes marked ‘dorm room’, “what room are you in?”

We make our way into the building, finally reaching my dorm room. Ethan offered to help me move in, even though he’s on the other side of campus with his football buddies. Who was I to turn down muscle? I know my mom and I could have done it but he offered!

I can tell he’s excited, this is his dream come true, a full ride for football, a chance to prove himself on a bigger field. Maybe even get noticed by the NFL one day. And as much as I feel my own excitement for being here, there’s a part of me that worriesabout how things will change between us. This is a whole different world here.

“So, how are you feeling?” he asks, as he helps lift a box onto my bed. “Ready to conquer Ridgefield?”

“Conquer? Let’s just focus on surviving, first,” I laugh, trying to ignore the slight flutter in my stomach. “It’s…a lot, you know? All these people, this huge campus. Everything feels so different.”

“Yeah,” he says, looking around. “But different can be good, right?”

His words linger, and when I meet his eyes, there’s something steady and reassuring about the way he looks at me. “Yeah. Good.”

For a moment, I felt confident we can do this, navigate everything, keep what we have, even in this new world.

Later in the afternoon, after my mom leaves and I’m unpacked, I wander over to the common room. There’s a welcome event for incoming freshmen, and I figure it’s a good way to ease in, maybe meet a few people. But even in a crowd, I feel like I’m missing something. Or someone.

Ethan has football orientation tonight, so he won’t be around. But I know he’s here on campus, and it’s weird not having him by my side. For years, he’s been the person I turned to for everything, except for that little bit of time our junior year. But now, it’sas if we’re navigating two different worlds under the same roof.

I pull out my phone, wondering if he’s done yet. Part of me wants to check in, but I stop myself, not wanting to seem…clingy. He’s here, we’re both here. That should be enough, right?

And just as I’m debating whether or not to text him, my phone buzzes.

Ethan: Still lost without me?

I grin, feeling a weight lift from my shoulders as I type back.

Me: Hardly. Pretty sure I’m thriving.

Ethan: Thriving, huh? I give it two days before you’re bribing squirrels for help.

Me: Rude. I’ll survive. Maybe even conquer, remember?

Ethan: I’ll believe it when I see it. But hey, I’m done with orientation soon. Want to meet up?

Me: Yeah, I’d like that. Meet me outside the library?

Ethan: Deal.

I put my phone away, feeling a thrill rush through me. Having Ethan here somehow makes everything feel less intimidating. He’s my lifeline in this sea of newness. And maybe I shouldn’t need that—I mean, college is supposed to be about independence,right? But knowing I can count on him just feels…right.

Outside the library I spot him before he sees me, leaning against one of the stone columns with his phone in hand, his face lit by the glow of the screen. The campus lights cast shadows around him, making everything feel a little surreal, like the first night of the rest of our lives is right here.

“Hey, stranger,” I call out as I approach.

He looks up, his face breaking into a smile. “About time. I was beginning to think you got lost on the way here.”

“Oh, please. I just took the scenic route.” I roll my eyes, trying to keep things light, even though everything feels so…loaded lately. Every look, every smile. And standing here with him, I feel that weight even more, the air between us is charged with something.

Something we never say.

“Scenic, huh?” He raises an eyebrow, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips, and for a second, it’s just the two of us in this unfamiliar world. “Just…make sure you’ve got your mace on you at all times, okay? Especially if you’re planning on taking the ‘scenic route’ after dark.”

His tone is teasing, but there’s a seriousness in his eyes that makes my heart do a little flip. He’salways looking out for me, even when he’s pretending not to.

“Well, welcome to college, Em.”

He pulls me into a hug, and I sink into it, the familiar warmth and scent of him grounding me. Something I needed. But this hug feels different, like there’s something more behind it. Something I can’t quite place. I find myself holding on just a little longer than usual, breathing him in, feeling the steady beat of his heart against mine.

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