Page 56 of It's Only Ever Been You

Seconds later, my phone buzzes.

Ethan: I’m free whenever. Name the time and place.

My heart races as I type back.

Me: The park across from the hotel. Thirty minutes?

Ethan: I’ll be there.

I slip the phone back into my bag and let out a shaky breath. This is it. No turning back now.

As I sit there, waiting for the minutes to tick by, the familiar cocktail of nerves and anticipation bubbles up inside me. This isn’t just a conversation. It’s the moment I’ve been avoiding for years—the momentthat could either set me free or pull me right back in.

And for better or worse, I’m ready to face it.

The minutes pass like hours as I sit on the bench, watching the world move around me. A couple jogs by, their laughter floating on the breeze. A woman pushes a stroller, humming softly to the baby inside. The normalcy of it all feels jarring, like the universe hasn’t gotten the memo about the storm brewing in my chest.

When I finally spot Ethan walking toward me, my breath catches. He’s dressed in jeans and a fitted gray t-shirt, his sunglasses pushed up onto his head. He’s scanning the park, and when his eyes land on me, his shoulders straighten.

I force myself to stand, my heart pounding in my chest. He crosses the distance between us in a few long strides, stopping just short of the bench.

“Hey,” he says, his voice low and tentative.

“Hi,” I reply, fidgeting with the strap of my bag.

For a moment, we just stand there, the silence stretching between us. Finally, he gestures toward the bench. “Mind if I sit?”

I shake my head, sinking back down as he lowers himself beside me. The bench is small, and the space between us feels impossiblyclose. I can smell the faint hint of his cologne—woodsy and clean, the same one he wore in college.

“I half expected you to bail,” he admits, his hands clasped tightly in his lap, thumb fidgeting against his knuckles. “I might’ve checked my phone every five seconds, convinced you’d realize this was a bad idea.”

I glance at him, his profile sharp against the sunlight. “I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t,” I say honestly.“But… I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said.”

He turns to face me, his eyes searching mine. “I meant every word, Em. I shouldn’t have let you go.”

The sincerity in his voice is almost too much, and I look down at my hands. “Why now, Ethan? Why say this now after all this time?”

He exhales slowly, running a hand through his hair. “Because I can’t keep pretending I was okay with how things ended. I thought… I thought walking away was the right thing to do, but it wasn’t. It was the biggest mistake of my life.” He pauses, his gaze locking with mine, raw and unguarded. “I want you back, Emma. I’ve wanted you back every day since the moment I let you go.”

My throat tightens, and I blink rapidly, willing the tears away. “My heart broke when you left.” I whisper, the words slipping out before I can stop them.

His head drops, and when he looks back up, his eyes are filled with a pain that mirrors my own. “Iknow,” he says softly. “And I’ve hated myself for it every damn day.”

The rawness in his voice cracks something inside me, and I bite my lip, trying to steady my breathing. “But in all honesty, I didn’t stop you, Ethan. I told myself it was what you needed—that I was doing the right thing by letting you go.” My voice wavers, the tears pressing hard behind my eyes. “I thought I was saving us both from more pain, but maybe I was just too scared to find out if I was wrong.”

His jaw tightens, his expression shifting from regret to something sharper. “You didn’t stop me,” Ethan says, his voice hard. “But damn it, Emma, you didn’t give me a reason to stay either. You decided what I deserved without even asking what I wanted.”

I flinch, his words hitting harder than I expected. “I thought I was doing what was best for you—for us,” I argue, my voice breaking under the weight of the admission. “I thought you deserved someone who fit into your world, someone who wouldn’t hold you back.”

“You didn’t get to make that call!” His voice rises, a raw edge of anger cutting through the tension. “That was supposed to be us—together, figuring it out. You think I didn’t know there’d be challenges? You think I didn’t know it wouldn’t be easy? I didn’t care, Em. All I wantedwas you.”

A bitter laugh escapes me, unbidden. “You say that now, but back then? You walked away, Ethan. Like it was the easiest thing in the world.”

“It wasn’t easy!” His voice is a mix of anger and anguish, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it broke me. Do you think I’ve spent the last however many years perfectly fine? I’ve regretted leaving every single damn day.”

The words tear through the air, and for a moment, all I can do is stare at him, my chest heaving with the weight of everything between us. “Do you even know what it felt like?” I ask, my voice trembling, barely above a whisper. “Watching you leave? Telling myself I was doing the right thing, only to feel like my heart was being ripped out?”

His voice drops, quiet but no less intense. “I know what it feels like,” he says. “Because I’ve been living with that same pain every day since.”

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