Page 35 of It's Only Ever Been You

The words catch me off guard, and I blink at him, unsure of how to respond. He looks up, his eyes meeting mine, and the sincerity in them makes my chest ache.

“I’ve been avoiding you, ignoring you…hurting you. And it wasn’t fair,” he continues, his voice tightening. “You didn’t deserve that, Emma.”

Tears sting the corners of my eyes, but I blink them back, refusing to let them fall. “Then why, Ethan?” I whisper. “Why didn’t you let me explain? Why did you just push me away without any explanation from me?”

He sighs, leaning back in his chair, his hands gripping the edge of the table. “Because I thought you… I thought you regretted what happened between us. That night.”

My heart twists, and I shake my head, the words spilling out before I can stop them. “I didn’t. I don’t. I never regretted being with you, Ethan. Not for a second.”

His shoulders sag with relief, but his expression remains pained. “I overheard you talking to Sarah…about regret. I didn’t stick around to hear the whole thing, and I guess I just… I jumped to the wrong conclusion.”

I laugh softly, though there’s no humor in it. “You think? God, Ethan, if you’d just stayed—if you would have let me explain—you’d know I was talking about my internship. I was overwhelmed, doubting myself, and yes I did say something about regret. But it wasn’t about you.”

He scrubs a hand over his face, looking utterly defeated. “I know that now. And I hate that I let it get this far—that I hurt you because I couldn’t get out of my own fucking head.”

I want to be angry, to lash out at him for everything he’s put me through these past few weeks. But looking at him now, so raw and open, I can’t bring myself to do it.

“You really hurt me, Ethan,” I admit, my voice trembling. “I didn’t understand why you were pulling away,why you were acting like I didn’t exist. And then seeing you at those parties…” I trail off, shaking my head. “It felt like you were trying to erase me.”

He winces, guilt flashing across his face. “I was. I thought it would make things easier if I just… let you go. But it didn’t. It only made everything worse.”

I swallow hard, my chest tight. “So what now?”

He looks at me, his eyes searching mine. “I don’t know. I just… I want us to be okay again, Em. I miss you.”

The words hit me hard, knocking the breath from my lungs, and for a moment, I can’t breathe. I want to believe him, to trust that we can go back to what we had. But the fear of being hurt again holds me back.

“I miss you too,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “But it’s not that simple, Ethan. We can’t just pretend like none of this happened.I can’t pretend.”

“I know…,” he says quickly. “I know, it’s going to take time. But I’m willing to put in the work, if you’ll let me.”

I study him for a long moment, searching for any sign that he’s not being sincere. But all I see is the boy I’ve known for the last severalyears—the boy who’s always been my anchor, even when he’s the one pulling me under. My best friend.

“Okay,” I say finally, the word heavy with uncertainty. “But you have to mean it, Ethan. No more running away, no more shutting me out. If we’re going to fix this, we have to talk to each other and communicate. We have to do this together.”

His lips curve into a small, tentative smile, and he nods. “Together.”

I shift uncomfortably, trying to find the right words. Everything about this moment feels wrong, as if we’re two strangers forcing a conversation neither of us wants to have. Ethan’s eyes move past me, his focus elsewhere, searching for something beyond this awkward silence. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be here.

“Things good with football?” I ask, wincing slightly at how flat my voice sounds.

“Yeah. Good,” he replies, though his tone is anything but reassuring. “I mean… actually, scouts have been coming around a lot more. Watching us at practices, at games…” His voice trails off, and he rubs the back of his neck, looking almost…nervous?

My stomach twists, and I realize I’m holding my breath. “Oh. That’s… wow. That’s huge.”

“Maybe.” He shrugs, his eyes flicking away again. “Nothing’s set in stone. But they’re interested,I guess.” There’s a quiet pride in his tone, but it’s layered with something I can’t fully pin down.

I force myself to smile, even though my mind is racing. This is what he’s always wanted—what he’s worked for, dreamed about. And he deserves it, he really does. But the thought of him leaving, of him living that life, far away from everything we’ve known, sends a jolt of fear through me.

“I mean… that’s amazing, Ethan. Really,” I manage, keeping my voice steady. “They’d be lucky to have you.”

He gives a small, tight smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. For a moment, I wonder if he feels it too—that sense of something slipping away before we even understand what it is.

The air feels heavier, weighed down by words neither of us wants to say. I glance down, fidgeting with the strap of my bag, searching for a way to bring us back to normal. But I’m not sure normal is even an option anymore.

I swallow, forcing myself to hold his gaze even though every instinct tells me to look away, to pretend that this is just another casual conversation between friends. But it isn’t. There’s something in the way he’s talking about the scouts, the potential future that’s right there within his reach. He could be gone in a year, maybe sooner, and everything between us would just… stop. Or maybe it already has.

“I mean, I don’t know if it’ll actually lead to anything,” he adds, breaking the silence. Though his words are humble, a spark of excitement is simmering beneath the surface. As if he’s finally allowing himself to believe in this. Is there hope that this might actually happen?

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