Page 30 of It's Only Ever Been You

“I’m not lying.” I say, my voice coming out in barely a whisper.

He falters for a split second, but he quickly recovers, his shoulders stiffening. “Right. Sure.” He murmurs, his tone skeptical, like he doesn’t believe me.

“I’m telling the truth!” I cry, desperation creeping into my voice. “I was talking to Sarah about how overwhelming it’s been—how I didn’t know if I made the right choice. I wasn’t talking about us, Ethan. How could you even think that?”

His jaw tightens, and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything, just looks at me trying to decide whether to believe me or not. Finally, he speaks, his voice quieter now, but no less cutting. “I don’t believe you. Guess we all have decisions we regret, huh?”

The words hit me like a slap, and I feel the air leave my lungs. “Ethan…” My voice is barely a whisper, my vision blurring with tears. “Is that … do you… do you regret what happened between us?”

He doesn’t answer right away, and the silence feels deafening. When he finally speaks, his tone is bitter. “Maybe Ido.”

I take a shaky step back, the tears slipping freely down my cheeks now. “I… I can’t believe you’d say that.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn’t have come here,” he mutters, turning toward the door.

“Ethan, wait—” My voice breaks, but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t even look back as he leaves, the door slamming behind him with a hollow click.

I stand there, staring at the empty space where he’d been, my heart splintering into pieces. For the first time ever, I don’t know if we can fix this. I don’t know if we’re even still an “us.”

And the thought of that terrifies me more than anything else.

I stare at the closed door, my stomach twisting. That look in his eyes…it was like he didn’t even know me.

A moment later Sarah walks back in, “ I saw Ethan leave, he looked… angry. What did he…” Sarah starts, but I can’t hear the rest. His words and the way he looked at me keep replaying in my head, that’s all I can think about.

Because I know exactly what he meant.

To him, that regret—that mistake—is me.

I stand there, frozen, his words hitting me harder than I expected. My mind scrambles, trying to make sense of what just happened, but all I feel is the sting ofhis words and the emptiness left in his wake.

Sarah touches my arm, her voice gentle. “Emma…are you okay?”

I shake my head slowly, forcing myself to swallow down the tightness in my throat. “No. No, I don’t think I am.”

I sit down on my bed, trying to breathe through the ache in my chest. It’s a deep, raw feeling, one I wasn’t prepared for. Something I don’t think I’d ever be prepared for. I thought…well, I thought I knew what we had. I thought that maybe what happened between us meant something. But hearing him say he regretted it… shattered every bit of hope I had.

“Do you think he actually regrets it?” whisper, the question lingering in my mind. I don’t know if I want to hear the answer, but I can’t stop myself from asking.

Sarah sits beside me, looking hesitant. “Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding. Ethan’s not exactly the best communicator from what you’ve told me. And, you two have been through so much together—maybe he just doesn’t know how to handle things now that it’s changed.”

“But if he doesn’t want this…or doesn’t want me like that…” I trail off, feeling the tears pricking at my eyes again. I can barely get the words out. “I don’t know what to do if he’s already checked out.”

She wraps her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug. “Hey, just breathe. You don’t have to figure it all out right now. Just…give him space, see where his head’s at. You know how he is—maybe he just needs time to sort things out.”

But deep down, I’m not sure time is going to fix anything. I keep replaying his face, that hardened look in his eyes and the things he said. It’s like he’d already made up his mind before he even walked through that door. Never even giving me the chance to defend myself… and I didn’t do anything to warrant it.

The rest of the day drags on, every second feeling heavier than the last. I try to study, try to distract myself, but it’s impossible. My mind keeps drifting back to what happend, wondering if I’ll ever get the chance to explain myself. Every glance at my phone fills me with both dread and hope, but no messages come through. I texted him a few times but he never replied, just left me on read.

Nothing.

He’s gone radio silent, and that feels like the worst kind of punishment.

By the next morning, the ache hasn’t dulled, but a resolve hardens in me. I can’t keep waiting around, letting myself get hurt over assumptions and mixed signals. If he’s done with me, if that’s what he really wants, then I deserve to know. But I’m not going to be the one begging for clarity.

Over the next few days, I do exactly what Sarah suggested.

I give him space.

---