Page 29 of It's Only Ever Been You

Afterward, I drag myself back to my dorm, finding Sarah sitting cross-legged on her bed, typing away on her laptop. She looks up when I enter, her brows knitting together.

“You okay? You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.” She arches an eyebrow, studying my face for a hint of what’s going on.

I try to laugh it off. “Rough day. And, uh…things are weird with Ethan.”

She looks at me with knowing eyes, shutting her laptop and giving me her full attention. “Weird how?”

I hesitate, fidgeting with my bag. “Well, we…uh, we hooked up,” I say quietly, feeling heat rush to my cheeks. “It just…happened.”

Sarah’s eyes widen, and she grins. “Finally! So what’s the problem? Was it awkward or something? Was it not good? Oh my god, did he have a small…” she stops talking and holds up her pinky finger, wigging it.

“No,” I giggle, shaking my head. “It was…actually amazing.” I bite my lip, feeling that flutter in my stomach again. “But when I saw him earlier in the quad he ignored me.”

Sarah sighs, giving me a sympathetic smile. “Men are complicated, Em. Maybe he’s just overwhelmed. I mean, you’ve got the internship, he’s got scouts breathing down his neck…it’s a lot.”

I nod, but her words don’t comfort me. I glance out the window, watching students pass by, feeling like the only person on campus completely out of sync.

Voices drift in from the hallway, a pair of girls chatting as they pass by. One of them giggles, her tone teasing. “Who’s the hottie?” I don’t pay much attention until Sarah speaks up again.

“Well, you don’t regret it, right? I mean, maybe it was a little rushed, but it’s Ethan. You’ve been in love with that guy since middle school, and if you ask me, that was one decision worth making.” She knows all about Ethan and I. I've told her countless stories and admitted that I’m in love with him. That’s not something I’ve even admitted to him yet and now I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to.

The voices in the hallway fade, the sound of laughter and the faint hum of music drifting further away. I turn back to Sarah, her expression unreadable as she watches me fidget with the edge of my notebook.

Before I can continue, the door to our dorm swings open, and there’s Ethan, standing in the doorway, his broad shoulders practically filling the frame. His face is set in an expression I can’t quite decipher,but his eyes are sharp, locked on me like he’s been holding something back.

“Ethan?” I blink, startled by his grim look on his face. “What are you—”

“We need to talk,” he cuts me off, his voice clipped and harsh. His gaze flicks to Sarah, and he jerks his head toward the hallway. “Alone.”

Sarah glances between us, her brows raised, and then stands, muttering something about needing to grab snacks from the lounge anyway. She disappears into the hallway, leaving the door slightly open.

I watch her leave, then turn back to Ethan, my chest tightening at the way he’s looking at me…he’s angry with me.

“What’s going on?” I ask, my voice low, unsure. “Are you okay?”

“Am I okay?” He lets out a bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair. “You’re the one who seems to have it all figured out, Emma.”

“What are you talking about?” My pulse quickens, dread curling in my stomach.

He steps further into the room, closing the door. “I heard you. Earlier. Outside the cafeteria.” His voice is quiet now, but there’s an edge to it that cuts straight through me. “You said you regret it.”

The words hang in the air between us, sharp and heavy. Confusion hitting me, my mind racing to piece together what he’s talking about. What does he think he heard? Then I remember the conversation with Sarah about regretting my internship and how everything has me so busy. Oh my god, does he think I regret him?

“Wait, you… you heard that?” I stammer, my hands trembling as I take a step closer to him, but he takes a step back from me.

“Yes Emma, I heard you say that.” His jaw clenches, his eyes dark. “I didn’t stick around for the rest of your conversation with Sarah, but I got the gist.”

My heart pounds, “Ethan, no—”

“No what, Emma?” he snaps, his voice rising. “No, you didn’t mean it? Or no, you didn’t mean for me to hear it?”

I take another step toward him, my voice trembling. “You didn’t hear everything. You don’t understand, that's not what I...”

But he cuts me off, his laugh is cold, devoid of the warmth I’ve always known, his voice raising. “I don’t understand? Really? Because it sounded pretty clear to me, Emma.”

Tears sting my eyes, and I shake my head, my voice cracking. “It wasn’t about you, Ethan. Iwas talking about...”

But he cuts me off again and his expression something I’ve never seen from him before. Anger. At me. “I don’t want to hear your lies Emma!”, he shouts and I cower back from him.

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