Page 24 of It's Only Ever Been You

I sigh, shoving my phone back into my pocket. I know she’s serious about her studies, and I’m proud of her for it. But I can’t shake this feeling—that she’s choosing all of that over me. And I hate myself for even thinking that way. She deserves to do well, and I should be supportive. But right now? Right now, it feels like I’m always coming in last.

……………………………………………………………

By the time midterms roll around, we’re practically strangers sharing the same campus. I see her less and less, and when I do, she’s always with someone new—a friend from her Lit class, or someone she met in a new study group. And maybe it’s just myown jealousy, but I can’t help noticing how happy she looks with them, laughing at some inside joke that I’m no longer a part of.

We finally get a chance to hang out on a Saturday afternoon, when I convince her to meet me for coffee. I get there early, finding a corner booth and ordering her favorite drink, hoping we can slip back into that easy rhythm. But when she arrives, she’s got her laptop with her, textbooks sticking out of her bag, and the conversation quickly veers from old jokes to academic catch-up.

She’s talking about this professor who’s inspired her to consider graduate school, and I try to focus, to listen, but all I hear is how much she’s loving her life here—without me in it.

“So, yeah,” she says, her eyes lighting up, “there’s this internship, and if I can manage it, it could lead to something big after graduation. Professor Klein thinks I have a shot.”

“That’s… great, Em,” I say, though my voice doesn’t carry the enthusiasm she deserves. “You really seem to be settling in here.”

She catches it, her brow furrowing. “Is everything okay, Ethan?”

I shrug, looking away. “Yeah, just… you’ve got all this stuff going on, you know? Sometimes it feels like you’re too busy to even notice I’m here.”

She frowns, her hand brushing against mine. “Ethan, you’re the one who’s constantly tied up with practice. You don’t think I miss you too?”

The words hit me, and guilt bubbles up. I can’t deny that she’s right. But part of me still wants to say it out loud—that I feel like I’m losing her, that we’re drifting apart. But the last thing I want is to weigh her down with my insecurities. She’s doing amazing things. She doesn’t need me dragging her down.

“Sorry,” I say, brushing it off. “I didn’t mean to get all… dramatic.”

She gives me a soft smile, squeezing my hand. “We’ll figure it out, okay? We always do.”

And I want to believe her—I really do. But as she pulls out her laptop and starts showing me the projects she’s working on, I can’t shake the feeling that we’re standing on opposite sides of a line neither of us meant to cross.

That night, lying in bed, I find myself scrolling through old photos of us. There’s one from our first day of high school, with Emma grinning up at me, her arm slung around my waist like she’d never let go. And then another from junior year, a candid shot where she’s laughing at something I said. Everything feels so close, but far enough that I can’t reach it. We’ve both changed. She’s found her world here, and I’m struggling to find my place in it.

I tell myself, like I have every night since school started, that I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us together.

Even if it means learning to let her go.

Chapter Nine

Crossed Signals

Emma

College

It’s strange, really, how you can be so close to someone and then watch them slip away right before your eyes. Ethan and I practically grew up attached at the hip, and now, even with everything I’m juggling, I can’t stop thinking about him. But somehow, the more I think about him, the harder it is to find time to actually see him.

Between classes, studying, and the intense internship I signed up for, my life seems to be on fast-forward. Even now, I’m rushing across campus, my backpack weighing me down as I make my way back to my dorm after another study session in the library. I check my phone, my thumb hovering over Ethan’s number, wondering if he’d want to grab a coffee or something just to catch up.

But lately, whenever we make plans, he seems… distracted, almost like he’s only halfway into it. And even though I’ve been buried in work myself, Ican’t ignore the feeling that something’s shifted between us. Or maybe it’s just me—maybe I’m the one who’s changed.

I finally reach my dorm, thoughts of him running through my mind. Pushing open the door, I find my roommate, Sarah, sprawled out on her bed, reading through some notes. She glances up with a smirk. “You look like you’re deep in thought.”

I drop my bag onto my bed and sigh, sitting down. “Yeah, I just… have so much on my mind. School, the internship, Ethan…” His name leaves my lips almost unconsciously, but I don’t regret saying it. Talking about him makes it feel a little less lonely.

Sarah sits up, interest flashing in her eyes. “Ooh, what’s going on with him? I thought you two were like best friends.”

I shrug, picking at a loose thread on my comforter. ‘Yeah, we are, but… I don’t know. Lately, we’re both here, yet it feels as though we’re living in completely different worlds.’ He’s busy with football, I’m busy with classes… We barely see each other.”

She frowns sympathetically. “Well, maybe you just need a night to let loose with him. Forget about all the deadlines and just… be with each other. Have you thought about that?”

My cheeks heat up at her suggestion, and I laugh it off, even though a part of me wonders if she’s right. Maybe what we need is to just spend time together and reconnect, like old times. “MaybeI should ask him. See if he wants to hang out or… I don’t know, go for a walk or something.”

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