Page 14 of It's Only Ever Been You

He looks up, surprised, then nods. “Uh…yeah, sure.” He glances at his friends. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

They give us curious looks but leave, muttering something under their breath as they walk away. Ethan stands up, shoving his hands in his pocketsas he follows me over to a quieter spot by the bleachers.

“So, um…” I start, my voice barely above a whisper. My palms are sweaty, and my throat feels tight, but I push through the nerves. “Are you…are you ignoring me?” I glance up at him, my chest tightening when he doesn’t answer right away. His expression is unreadable, and the silence stretches just long enough to make me feel like I’ve made a mistake even asking.

When he finally looks at me, there’s something in his eyes I can’t quite place. “I’m not ignoring you,” he says, his tone defensive, making his answer feel unconvincing.

I swallow hard, gripping the edge of my notebook in my hands. “It feels like you are,” I murmur, the words slipping out before I can stop them. “Ever since the party…” I trail off, forcing myself to take a breath before continuing. “About the party…about what happened between us…” My cheeks burn as I finally meet his gaze again. “When you…kissed me?”

He frowns, looking genuinely confused. “What do you mean? Kissed you?”

I blink, my heart sinking as a cold weight settles in my chest. “Yes,” My voice cracks, and I clutch the notebook tighter, hoping it’ll somehow keep me grounded. “Ethan, you kissed me.”

His eyes widen slightly, and then he shakes his head, his expression unreadable. “Emma, I think you’re mistaken,” he says, his tone firm. “I have no memory of that happening.”

The words hit me like a punch to the gut and for a moment, I can’t breathe. “You don’t…remember?” I whisper, my voice barely audible now.

My vision blurs, and I blink, trying to keep the tears from spilling over. He’s looking at me as if I’m crazy, as though that kiss—the one that felt so real, so perfect—never happened.

“Are you serious?” I whisper, my voice trembling. “You don’t remember anything?”

“Em, come on.” He shrugs, looking almost annoyed. “We went to a party, we danced a little, and then we went home. That’s it.”

I feel my chest tighten, the hurt spreading fast, making it hard to breathe. I thought… I thought it meant something. Like maybe he felt it too. But here he is, looking at me with that blank expression, as if I’m just some clueless girl making up stories. Like I’m nothing.

The sting in my throat threatens to choke me, but I force a shaky smile, hoping it doesn’t look as broken as I feel. My voice comes out uneven, barely holding it together. “Yeah, you’re right. I… I must have been dreaming or something. Sorry for bringing it up.”

Hisnod is quick, dismissive, like he’s already moved past it, and the ache in my chest intensifies, growing sharper, heavier. I feel this huge distance between us now, and no matter what I do, he’s slipping further out of reach.

I turn and walk away before he can see me break, each step feeling like I’m splintering into a million pieces. My vision blurs as the tears spill over, hot and relentless, streaking down my cheeks. I roll my lips, trying to hold back the sob threatening to escape, but it’s useless. The pain is too much, too raw, threatening to swallow me whole.

I don’t look back. I can’t. Not when my heart feels like it’s breaking into pieces, each one leaving an ache that won’t go away. Because if I did look back, I know I’d only see him standing there, unaffected—and that would destroy me.

At home, I collapse onto my bed, hugging my pillow thinking about the conversation and the tears fall freely again. My heart’s been shattered, and I don’t know how to put the pieces back together. All I keep thinking is that maybe it was all in my head. Maybe he never saw me the way I saw him.

Of course he wouldn’t. I’m nothing special, just the shy introverted girl that reads too much.

His expression keeps replaying in my head, over and over, that look of confusion. He honestly couldn’t believe I’d even suggest he said that. Andthe worst part is, I don’t think I can face him again. Not after this.

……………………………………………………………

After the weekend and we’re back at school, Monday becomes a minefield. Every time I see Ethan, he’s surrounded by people—mostly girls. I see him laughing with Emily, that girl from the party, his arm slung around her shoulders like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Then there’s Kayla, a cheerleader who seems glued to his side lately, always smiling up at him like he’s the only guy in the world.

He’s gone out of his way to replace me, to fill every spare moment with anyone who isn’t me. I know it’s stupid, but it feels like he’s punishing me for…for what? Something I didn’t even start? For possibly wanting something more?

I can’t stop the pang in my chest every time I see him with someone else, laughing as if nothing’s changed, while I stand there, feeling us drift further apart every day.

It hurts.

It hurts so much I can’t breathe. He’s my best friend, the one person I thought would always be there. But now, I feel invisible to him, as if that night never happened, as if I never meant anything to him at all.

The rest of the day drags on painfully slow. Everywhere I go he’s laughing with someone else, his arm around yet another girl’s shoulders, acting as if nothing’s wrong. But he’s not there for me. He’s not laughing with me, not bothering to ask if I’m okay. I know that sounds selfish but for the last 5 years he’s been there for everything. We’ve always talked or texted… constantly. And now, he’s just pushed me aside. What the hell did I do to deserve this?

By the time I get home, I’m exhausted—not just physically but emotionally, all the energy’s been drained out of me. I drop my bag by the door and head straight to my room, shutting the door behind me.The silence feels so heavy it’s almost crushing, making it hard to breathe or think straight..

I lie on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, replaying the party in my mind. That kiss… the way he held me, the way his hand tangled in my hair and held me in place. The warmth of his breath against my lips just before it happened… felt real.

It felt like everything.

---