Page 32 of Make Me Bleed

I will always find you…

He did, but maybe it’s about time he did.

Maybe it’s time I end this for once and for all.

If it wasn’t for the moonlight, I never would’ve done what I dared to do. Knowing that Peter can’t step foot inside of the sanctuary, if I wanted to face him and end this, I needed to go to him. With his voice so close, it wouldn’t be that big of a risk, and if Peter’s insanity made him violent, I could easily disappear back inside the border, leaving the unhinged human to our head of security to deal with.

I owe it to Peter to try to talk some sense into him first. For the year we had before he ruined everything, I owe him that much at least…

Facing the trees, I hesitate. It’s not so dark, but the scared three-year-old I once was is pleading with me to go back inside. I try to calm her, and I mostly succeed. Something deep and unresolved inside of me urges me to take those first steps and, with a shaky breath, I do.

Back in Clarity, I was too used to hiding the real Elise to push back. Like the time that Peter cornered me outside of the Sanguine and Bridget—when she was just a good samaritan—came to my aid. She stepped up to him, fire in her eyes, and Peter retreated.

Now? I’m ready to send him running myself. I’m not afraid of him. I never was. I just didn’t want to bring shame on the van Duren, especially when I honestly thought Peter could be mybeloved. I was wrong then, and when I send him back to Clarity, I’ll finally be able to walk around without that weight on my shoulders.

I breathe in deeply as the border spell crackles against my skin, telling me that I’ve left Dyea. His scent is still as faint, yet undeniable. I take another step. I don’t see him. I don’t sense him, either.

Is he really here? Or have I finally lost it?

“Peter?” It’s a whisper in the dark. “It’s me. It’s Elise. Where are you?”

No response.

“Peter?”

This time, a soft voice calls in return, but I can’t make out any words.

Tracking it, I use my super speed to tear off in that direction, searching for whoever it is. If it’s not Peter, it’s someone who knows enough about me—about my secret past—to lure me out in the woods. It’s not Hank. Our strengthened blood-bond has him further in the distance, probably sound asleep in his cave.

I’ve come too far to stop now. I fly through the trees, hair streaming behind me, my heels kicking clumps of mud and dirt up as I wind around the foliage.

My brain tells me to head back before it’s too late. My pride tells me that I’m Elise van Duren, and there is nothing out there that can hurt me.

I’m right. There’s nothing out there that can hurt me. Oh, no. It’s what is inside of me that I can’t fight.

In the middle of my run, a cloud covers the moon. It happens just that quickly. It rolls right over it, a patch of clouds so pitch-black, the woods are suddenly impenetrably dark. It’s black everywhere I look. I sense the trees, but I don’t see them. Before my eyes can adjust to the shadows, panic strikes and black spots form, effectively blinding me. My heart races. My pulse thuds.

I keen a terrified whine in the still of the night.

My fear turns me icy cold. Whirling around, trying to escape the dark, I lose all my bearings. I’m the wilds of Alaska, but as though I’m stuck in that child-sized coffin again, I’m just as trapped.

I spent days in that coffin, my little claws nothing more than bloodied stubs before my nanny managed to free me. My parents were visiting Holland, too busy to bring their fledgling daughter, and the ‘helpful’ human thought her vampire ward would prefer a coffin to a cradle.

But the lid fell and it stuck, and I cried myself hoarse for hours. I was too weak to escape, and she was too stubborn to find help to release me. Knowing I didn’t need to breathe, didn’t need to eat, she figured there would be no harm in leaving me in the coffin.

It wasn’t until much later that I realized she must’ve done it on purpose. It’s so much easier to tend to your charge when they can’t do anything but suffer inside a small box. Did she care that she left me scars that I carry with me more than seventy years later? I don’t think so, and considering her humanity caught up with her well before I could, I’ll never know.

I force myself to breathe now. I need to stay calm. I need tothink.

Only the dark won’t stop, and that same old buried fear is clawing at my chest. I’m doing the same, plucking at my shirt, tugging on my hair, gasping instead of breathing calmly.

So I run. Like the day I found my mate and bit him, Irun… only I’m not heading for the sanctuary. So lost, I don’t even think I could find it if it occurred to me to run home. Instead, I runhome.Grasping my side of the blood-bond, I instinctively sense Hank on the other end.

Right now, the glowing mate bond is the only thing keeping me sane. The darkness, my terror, my trauma… I can shove it aside as I tug on that bond, following it.

Hank. I needHank.

When I reach the end of the tie, I don’t know where else to go. The panic flares back up, and I notice that silent tears are tracking down my cheeks. My legs are weak. I’ve run too far, too fast, and I’ve burned through most of the blood Hank shared with me. I stumble, my vision swimming, as I fall under my terror, collapsing to my knees.

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