Page 30 of Make Me Bleed

He seems to be waiting for an answer. I oblige him with a careful, “Oh?”

Julian nods. “Yes. I only mention it because I’ve been thinking about doing a little hunting of my own. You know, going out into the woods, being a littlewild.Human blood is all well and good, but there’s something so… uncivilized about draining another predator.”

My throat nearly closes, a spike of fear tearing through me. I force it back, all while thinking: he knows. Julian knows. He knows about Hank. He knows about the blood. He knows about the prey animals I hunted myself.

And he’s threatening my bear.

My claws shoot out. The points dig into the metal of the door knob, leaving divots. It takes everything I have to hold my fangs back even as Julian smirks.

As my heart races, he give me one last, lingering look before he says in a voice with a dangerous edge: “Until the bond is finalized, you can choose anyone. Think about it, okay?”

In answer, I simply close the door before I say—or do—something that I’ll regret.

Only after he finally leaves my territory do I start to worry about what it means that Julian wants me for his beloved, and he clearly lied when he said he didn’t know I already had one even if my bond with Hank is barely there.

But vampires can’t lie, can they?

I’m restless again.I’m tired, and I’m antsy, and I keep seeing Julian’s smug face as he mentions catching sight of a bear moving through our woods, wondering if it would be enjoyable to hunt him.

I told him I have a beloved. That I have a mate. If he got the wrong idea that my male is waiting for me back in Clarity, that’s on him. I didn’t lie; Ican’t. But if he knew that thebearis my mate…

Hank doesn’t deserve a haughty vampire putting a target on his back because I can’t face my fears. I’ve accepted that I’m not afraid of the grizzly himself. It’s the fear of not being worthy of his instant devotion, all because Fate picked me out for him. It’s the fear of setting off into the dark, or pushing myself to actually ask him to come ito the light with me.

What’s worse, I wonder? Showing weakness by pleading with Hank to stay in Dyea with me, or allowing this powerful, dominant shifter to learn my deepest shame: a seventy-four-year old vampire who loses all sense when it comes to the dark.

I’ve gotten better over the years. Growing up, I’ve learned it’s not the monsters in the dark I’m afraid of. How can it be when my speed and my fangs and my strength mean thatIam one of those monsters? A monster in pretty packages, of course, but no less dangerous when provoked.

I’ve gone through life with the demure personality that most people mistake for delicacy, but apart from my deep-seated fear of the pitch-black dark and enclosed spaces, I’m not fragile. In fact, I’ve spent the many decades of my life mastering the art of quiet defiance. My composure and my appearance aren’t frivolous and empty—they’re the armor that I’ve needed to survive in a Fang City, where a vampire rarely died, but social suicide was a big concern. Same as my ‘ditzy’ nature. It’s so much easier to pretend not to understand something—the meaning behind a lecherous look or a crude comment, for example—than have to deal with it.

In Clarity, I was always protected. By my parents. By Thorn. Even by a feisty human female who, turns out, isn’t as human as we both thought she was.

Dyea was my fresh start.

Hank promised that he’d give me time. That hasn’t changed. He’s not pushing me at all, but after Julian’s visit a few nights ago, I have to admit that it doesn’t matter. He could be bluffing about hunting my bear. He could be getting perverse enjoyment out of screwing with me.

Either way, it doesn’t matter. When I claimed Hank as my beloved in front of Julian, I made my decision. Hankismy beloved, and it’s time I acted like it with the bear.

Only one problem: I haven’t seen him since he fed me.

Part of me is terrified that Julian made good on his threat and attacked Hank. With a human donor of his own, I just can’t see the proud vampire lowering himself to feed from a shifter—and if he knows that Hank is my beloved, it’s obvious the bearis a shifter—unless he really wants to hurt me. But why would he? Up until two weeks ago, he regarded me as he would the dirt beneath his expensive shoes.

Now? He expects me to believe he’s had such a change of heart, he wants to spend the rest of forever with me?

No. He wants something. I just don’t knowwhat.

I keep looking into the woods, searching for some sign that Hank is out there. I draw the line at calling for him, but if he’s out there, I want to talk to him. Remember what Karl told me at the library, I bought a bottle of imported honey from the commissary and left it on the rock where I found my bear figurine.

It was gone the following morning, with a forget-me-not left in its place. Another gift from my mate, but I still haven’t seen Hank yet. I’m glad he accepted my gift to him. I just wish he realized that it was a signal I was ready to talk.

I could follow him into the woods. I could… but every time I think about it, I freeze just on the edge of the trees. It’s like I need one final push to send me into Hank’s arms. I’d bet that Bridget would be more than happy to give me if I could bring myself to confide in her how my struggle with the thirst had now become a struggle to admit to the bear that I want him, but with Conall’s senses going into overdrive lately, convinced there’s an unfamiliar human scent taunting him, she’s been busy with her mate.

Besides, this is between me and mine. If I can’t go to him, he’ll return to me eventually.

Right?

A week has passed since I last caught a glimpse of him. May’s turned to June, and while I know he can’t be hibernating, maybe he’s gone back to sleep. Maybe… maybe the unfulfilled mate bond is nagging him, too, and his response is to increase the space between us until it’s time to finalize it.

And then, on that seventh night, something draws me outside into the darkness.

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