Page 160 of Beautiful Storm

“And if she does? Have swelling, I mean?”

“They may need to operate.”

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

Luke

The nurse falls silent as we approach the nursery, and I follow along, my mind stuck in some kind of limbo as I fight myself to remain calm. I can’t panic. I have to be there for Jelly Bean because right now, Amelia can’t be.

But fuck, I’m scared.

She walks me into an empty room before disappearing, and when she returns, my world and everything I thought I knew changes in an instant as the most perfect little girl is placed in my arms.

“Congratulations, Dad. She’s perfect.”

Fuck yeah, she is. I’m a fucking dad.

My eyes fill with tears, and for the first time in forever, I let them fall. I’m holding my daughter—this tiny human is part me and part Amelia. And she’s everything.

“Is she okay?” I ask again, my voice choked with emotion.

“She is. You’ve got yourself a fighter. The doctors will give you more information, but she’s breathing on her own, she’s taken to the bottle like a champion, and despite her small size, she’s ahealthy weight. We’ll need to monitor her for a little while and she may need some help with her development as she grows, but yes… she’s going to be okay.”

Bean shifts in my arms and the nurse smiles. “If you want, you can give her skin-to-skin contact. It’s very beneficial for newborns.”

“Yes, I read about that. Can you hold her?”

I pass Jelly Bean over before rushing to remove my tee, then reaching for her again the second I’m done. It’s already strange not having her in my arms.

When she’s snuggled into my chest, I sit down and take a deep breath, trying to control my pounding heart. I read so much about the joys of having a baby, but no one ever described this. At least not in great detail. Though I’m not sure this feeling could be explained.

It’s like my life's purpose has shifted and while I always thought I was born to be a football player, I was wrong. I was born to be Jelly Bean’s dad. My job is to love and protect her with all that I have, and fuck, that’s a huge responsibility to take on.

But I want to take it on. No matter how scary it is.

The nurse leaves us alone to get a bassinet, and I stare down at Bean, my heart growing to make sure it’s big enough for all the love she’ll need, and when the door clicks shut, I can’t help but smile.

“It’s just you and me now, Bean. We have to help each other out while we wait for your mom. But you don’t need to worry. She’s just getting some much-needed rest so she has lots of energy when she meets you.” God, I hope that’s all it is. She just needs rest. “You’re going to love your mom,” I continue as Bean’s tiny fingers wrap around my pinky. “She’s the coolest. Much cooler than me. She’s smart, and beautiful, and funny. And she loves you with everything she has. You should see her eyes light up when she talks about you.”

The more I speak, the more the tension grows inside me. Jelly Bean needs Amelia to hurry up and get better. Hell, I need her to hurry up and get better. I can’t do this alone.

When the nurse returns, Jelly Bean is fast asleep, so I gently transfer her into the bassinet, holding my breath until I’m sure she stayed asleep.

“Are we allowed any other visitors?” I ask before the nurse disappears again, thinking of Lainey waiting patiently. “Can I ask my sister to come in?”

“Of course, but only one at a time.”

My mind drifts to Amelia’s mom, and for the briefest of moments, guilt takes over me. But that’s not my decision to make. When Amelia’s back and thinking clearly, she can decide if she’s ready to see her. Though I can at least update her on what’s going on.

I send off a quick text to Lainey, letting her know where I am and telling her the news, and before I’ve put my phone away, she responds.

Lainey: I’m on my way. I’ll let Alice know

I pace the room as I wait, but the second Lainey arrives—her concerned expression boring into mine—I shatter.

“Fuck, Lainey. I can’t do this alone. I can’t…” I trail off as I sit down, my head sinking into my hands. “I thought I was okay. That I had my shit together, but I’m drowning.”

“Oh, Luke.” I suck in a breath as Lainey rushes over and squats down in front of me. She opens her mouth to say more, but I shake my head.

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