Page 50 of Beautiful Storm

Luke

Amelia walks away, and I stare into space for what I’m certain must be hours. Despite appearing calm after my meltdown, I’m still struggling to process what she said, and no matter how hard I think about it, it doesn’t feel real.

“I’m going to be a dad. A father. A parent. Somebody's old man. A pappy.”Nope. Saying it out loud doesn’t work either. “Jesus.”

Of all the people in all the world, it had to be her. Amelia. The girl I once thought would be my friend forever. The girl I cared about more than anyone else until she decided she was too goddamn good for me. Amelia JoyFuckingRosenberg.

The woman I can’t seem to stay away from even though it pains me.

Why does she have to be so goddamn beautiful and sassy? That combination gets me every time. She drives me insane with her secrets, and her diary, and for thinking she has any right to hate me when she’s the one that got me arrested.

If I’d just kept it in my pants, I wouldn’t be in this mess. My life wouldn’t be headed in a completely new direction. I wouldn’t be a soon-to-be dad. And yet, as those thoughts enter my mind, my heart clenches, because…I wouldn’t change a thing.

I have never wanted to be a dad. But now, I don’t exactly hate the idea.

I just have no clue what the hell I’m supposed to do.

We talked about Amelia’s next step, but what aboutme? Am I meant to pretend it’s not happening? Or start preparing my house? Can I tell anyone? Does that twelve-week thing still exist? Do people still wait? God, when is she twelve weeks? When is she due? How long have I got?

I’m going to be a dad.

There’s going to be a junior Luke or Amelia running around next year. Okay, maybe notrunningnext year but soon and…Jesus. Why does that make me shiver?

There weren’t supposed to beanylittle Lukes in the world.Ever. I worked hard to prevent that. It wasn’t part of the plan.

“I can’t look after myself.”

Shadow barks and I pause my inner spiral to check that she’s okay, but when I find her chasing a ball around the yard, I resume my panic. I’m going to be a dad. A Dad. I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. I know I don’t want to be likemydad. Sure, he was fine but he had his faults and—

“What’s going on?”

“Holy shit, Lainey.” I spin around, clutching my chest as my heart races. “Where did you come from?”

“The door.” Lainey points to the door behind her, but her eyes remain firmly locked on my face, her expression doing nothing to hide her concern.God, what did I say? What did she hear?

“So what? You let yourself in?” I grab the water bottle I abandoned next to my gym bag on the floor and squirt some into my mouth, needing a distraction.

“I knocked.” She shrugs. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.Nothing. I’m nervous. The season is starting soon and as I’m sure you know we’ve got some high expectations on us this year and—”

“Wow.”

“Wow? Lainey, now is not the time for you to be giving me shit.” I smile in the hope that it eases her mind but it doesn’t.

“Who’s giving you shit? You always put on a front, but I know you get nervous at the start of every season, and I know you’re not the cocky asshole you always claim to be. But that’s the first time you’ve actually admitted it to me.” Her face lights up at the prospect of me opening up to her and my heart jolts.Dammit. In this case, it's a lie. But how do I tell her that unless I give her something real?

“Lainey—”

“Let me guess. You don’t want to talk about it?” Her tone is teasing but her face drops a little.

“It’s not that. I…”God, what do I say?“I want to talk to you about it, but can we do it another time? I love you but I’ve had a weird day, and I’d rather talk to you about it when I have a clear head.” And when I know I’m allowed to officially tell people.Why didn’t I ask that question?

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I’ll just grab Shadow and go then?”

“What?”

“Shadow? Thomas said you were all heading out, so I’m here to walk her.”

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