Page 43 of Summer at the Cornish Garden Café

Thomas made tea then sat down at the table with Lena and rubbed his eyes while stifling a yawn.

‘You should try to get some rest,’ Lena said.

‘I will. Later though. I couldn’t sleep last night for worrying and I’m afraid to sleep in case my phone goes. I need to be ready.’

‘Of course you do.’ Lena nodded. ‘But if you wanted to grab an hour, I could listen for your phone and then wake you.’

The thought of sleeping for a bit was very appealing. ‘Maybe in a bit. That’s very kind, thanks.’

‘Thomas… I know you’re exhausted and worried but… Could I just quickly say something?’

‘Of course.’

‘I didn’t write those stories or tell anyone you’re here. I had nothing to do with it all. I hope you can believe me.’ Her eyes glistened her voice wavered. She held out her hands, palms facing upwards and her bottom lip trembled. This woman was not lying; she was clearly distressed.

Thomas took her hands in his and held them tight. ‘I know it wasn’t you,’ he said softly. ‘And I’m sorry for shutting you out over the weekend. I needed to process what had happened and to come to terms with the fact that I’d been found.’

‘They exposed you,’ she said and a tear trickled down her cheek.

‘Exposed me in my swimwear,’ he said with a small laugh. ‘It couldn’t have been much worse.’

‘I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s not your fault and I knew deep down all along that it had nothing to do with you. I was just… looking for someone or something to blame. This is Cornwall and not Mars so it was inevitable that someone would spot me at some point. They must also have been desperate for a story to fill the headlines, or it wouldn’t have made them. I mean… Who cares if a former footballer is living peacefully in Cornwall?’ He shrugged. ‘It’s laughable really. I am sorry, Lena. Sorry for thinking even for a second that it was you. You’ve shown me nothing but kindness and friendship since we met and I was wrong to blame you. But, having had as much counselling as I have over the years, I know that I still tend to react sometimes then analyse my reactions later. I think this was a knee-jerk reaction that happened because I got scared. I have feelings for you, Lena, powerful feelings and I was scared before this happened. I was scared that you’re too good for me and because I feel so unworthy of you.’

‘Thomas, please don’t say or think those things. You are wonderful and I adore you. There’s nothing at all to suggest I’m better than you in any way. We’re just two people trying to get through this life and trying to be happy when we can.’

‘You speak so much sense.’ He smiled at her. ‘But it’s hard to let go of fear.’

‘I know.’ She nodded. ‘I do. I’m scared too.’

‘You?’ he asked. ‘But you’re so brave and strong and you amaze me with your determination. I mean, you’re writing a novel, for goodness’ sake! That’s incredible. What are you scared of?’

‘Everything,’ she said. ‘My scars run deep too, Thomas. Growing up, I had PCOS. I still do.’ She sniffed. ‘I had all the symptoms like irregular periods, weight that was hard to lose, hair where I didn’t want it.’ She scratched her cheek. ‘It’s a horrid condition and so many women endure it silently.’

‘I’m sorry, Lena. Is that why you have the scar?’ Thomas didn’t know much about PCOS, other than what he’d seen on social media, but he knew it was meant to be unpleasant.

‘The scar is from emergency surgery. I had a… a brief relationship with a colleague and although we used protection, I thought I might be pregnant. My period didn’t come for months and my stomach swelled. But when I went to the GP, she referred me and I saw a consultant who arranged an ultrasound. I had several fibroids and one of them was the size of a grapefruit. The consultant told me that I could have it removed surgically, take medication or wait and see what happened.’

‘So you weren’t pregnant?’ Thomas asked.

‘No.’ Lena shook her head. ‘And that in itself was difficult because I’d thought I was and… kind of hoped I was, I guess.’

‘I’m sorry.’

She gave a small, resigned smile. ‘After my diagnosis with PCOS, I worried a lot about whether I’d be able to get pregnant at alland so thinking I might be, even just for a few weeks, was a ray of hope. I’d thrown myself into my career and told myself I didn’t need to have a family, but when I was told there was no baby, I felt bereft. Hope can be so wonderful and yet it’s so painful when it’s ripped away.’

‘So what happened?’

‘I was scheduled for surgery to remove the fibroids. I could feel the larger one when I lay on my back and I didn’t want it to get any bigger. But with hospital beds prioritising emergencies and the backlog over recent years because of lockdown, my surgery was delayed three times. When I was finally given another date, the consultant booked me in for another ultrasound, it turned out that the largest fibroid had grown significantly. The consultant said they could try to remove it laparoscopically but if they couldn’t manage it that way then they’d need to make a larger incision.’

‘So that’s why you have the large scar and the smaller ones?’ Thomas asked.

‘Exactly. The surgeon tried to save me from having a larger scar, but the fibroid was too big. It also turned out that it had damaged my left fallopian tube and was pressing against my internal organs, so there was quite a bit of work to do to repair my insides.’

‘That’s such a lot to go through.’

‘People do go through these things though.’ Lena sighed. ‘I had an amazing surgeon, and he was able to remove the fibroids and to repair the fallopian tube but he did warn me that there could be scarring to the tube and my womb.’

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