Page 62 of Babalon

I must be having a psychotic break.

She just threw me on the floor like I am nothing, embarrassed me in front of the whole block, and all I can think about is looking at and feeling her again.

Is this what they talk about in fantasy books? Instant desire?

Maybe it’s because I have gone so long without any sort of physical contact from a woman. I stopped seeing Emilia a few months after the accident and just went into a hole. There were appointments I needed to make, work, seeing my lawyer, and a whole slew of other important matters. She was furious that I dumped her, Ricky wasn’t any less angry, but he understood why I did it.

Severing ties with Emilia, knowing that I might be going away for a long time, if not my entire life, would only be more taxing to her. I mean, I know we didn’t have the healthiest relationship since all we did was fight and fuck— in that order— but Ricky still thought there was going to be more between us. It was the right thing to do, give her the space she needed to move on, to find someone who could give her that white picket fence I knew she wanted one day.

So, now that it has been a good four years or so since I’ve been with her, my body and mind have to be playing tricks on me. I’m not attracted to men, so of course, the first beautiful woman that steps into my line of sight is bound to leave me breathless.

That’s what I keep telling myself anyway—maybe it’s just her, who knows.

Pulled up from the floor, the fireball uncuffs me and put the devices back on her duty belt as Officer Zurita approaches; my hands absentmindedly rubbing the now annoyed skin at my wrists.

“Did we learn anything today, inmate?” he asks.

Dickhead.

I looked over at the shorter man, brows furrowing in response, and keep my mouth shut. You don’t converse with guards, from what I have been told, no matter the subject. It was some unwritten rule amongst the inmates; if you were sotted talking to them, then there will be repercussions to your existence. It’s not a gamble I am willing to take.

Looking away from him, he gives me a snide look, then motions for Officer Pierce to create distance.

“Good work, Nadia. Way to set a good example. I do suggest taking on some sort of fitness regimen, so it gives you a bit more strength to throw around. You are almost too light to utilize your weight, but your quick maneuvers gave you the edge you need to take down inmates like Patton.”

Nadia, not a name you hear every day. Feminine and delicate—and fierce for this one.

“Thank you, Sir. I will keep that in mind.”

When they walk away, I remain standing in my spot like a fucking idiot. The tender way she said ‘Sir’ makes my cock to throb.

There are many things in life that you want and cannot have, even more when you’re incarcerated, and I want her right then. I hope to God she stays on staff. Though I know nothing will ever happen between the two of us, it will make my sentencing a little better getting to look at her every day.

Snapping out of my daze, I move down the open corridor of open cell doors ‘til I get to mine and round the corner. Ronald’s sitting on his bunk reading his comic, as always. He is quickly turning into a comfort, like one of those inanimate objects that if it moves, it fucks up your entire day.

Without saying anything to him, I step over to the shelf and snatch up some new clothes— I need to shower. The sweat that was once coating my skin has now dried into an itchy layer of salt. Which blending with the dirt on my hands, arms, and the side of my face from being pinned to the floor. She was so damn fast; I can only imagine the force she will have once she strength trains.

“Anything good happening out in the yard?” Ronald asks without looking up from his book.

Odd, him trying to have a conversation.

“No. New inmates, new guards. One is taking her role seriously, but you know how these things go. Got to wait it out to see how they manage.”

“Mhm,” he replies.

I take that as the end of the conversation, proceed out of our cell and to the showers. It’s usually pretty busy in here two times during the day, but I’ve discovered that I can squeeze in here between the two time slots. Allowing me to get my business done without being interrupted.

Today is a bit different, ominous to a point. There are a few guys in here that I see occasionally, minding their business. A few white guys chatting in the far-right corner in their full jumpers, looking like they are sizing up the others which makes my stomach plummet. I can only imagine what type of shit is about to go down, that thought makes me turn on my heel. I don’t need a shower that bad. I can give myself a whore bath in my cell far away from whatever initiation ritual is about to commence.

Quickly leaving the showers, I make a beeline to my cell and right to the sink. Ronald quirks a brow at my sudden appearance.

“Problem?”

“You could say that—one I don’t want to be a part of so it’s washing in the sink.”

“Ahh, yeah. I’ll step out to give you some time. Going to go grab something from commissary, my daughter Ivy sent some money over today.”

“Sounds good, see you when you get back.”

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